Oh look at him, always smiling about!
(But they don't know he's parents beat him to sleep)
Oh what a wonderful family, always shopping...
(If only they knew, that the home is divided inside)
What lovely couple, always holding hands.
(He secretly beats her till she turns purple)
Look at him, always spending...
(No one sees him working four jobs)
What lovely make up. Such pretty face.
(No one knows she has to do two layers of foundation, to cover those bruises)
... So ... What's your own story??

Thoughtful, voiceless.

Thoughts racing
Frustration attacks
Fearing what I do
Have I done things wrong

Falling to my knees
I grip my head
Pressing with all my might
To try and stop it from destroying me

Over analyzing
Over thinking
Emotions going out of control
As I rock back and forth

Is everything I do so wrong
I can’t see how it’s not anymore
The pain my head inflicts
Driving me insane

Where is the peace of mind
Where is the harmony that I hear so much about
Where is the love for myself
Why must I be so broken

I start to scream
Trying to drown out the voices
Blasting music so loud
It can cause someone to go deaf

Yet I still hear the thoughts
Nagging my every move
Telling me all these lies
With so much negativity

Things like
You’ll never amount to anything
You aren’t worth anyone’s time
You annoy everyone you talk to

You don’t deserve happiness
You deserve this pain you’re in
You don’t have a right to feel special
You will never be enough

They all hate you
They find you repulsive
They don’t care about you
Why do you think they would ever love you

All these things
Everyday
All day
Breaking me apart bit by bit

Pushing me further and further
Into this pit of despair
Driving me to think
Maybe I’m better off alone

Maybe I’m better off away from everyone
Maybe I just annoy everyone I talk to
Maybe I am intruding on the people I care about
Maybe I’m not worth the air I breath

Am I even worthy of being loved
So many negative thoughts
Drowning out my own voice
Sending me into a state of disarray

Crying myself to sleep
Huddled in a corner
Fearing to even be seen
By those I call my family

Why am I so broken
Why must my head do this to me
What is happening to me
Do I even deserve to exist

There’s a voice inside my head
Screaming that it’s all worth it in the end
But my mind plays tricks
So I don’t know what to believe

Should I listen to the voice
Or should I listen to reason
On one hand my life will change for the better
The other my life will stay the same

But with these delusions that run wild
Causing mayhem upon my brain
Sending toxic visions
And destructive thoughts

I sit and I ponder
Is it really worth it
Or will I just fail
Like so many times before

I try so hard to connect
To you and ignore the terror
The terror inside my heart
That pushes me to think it will never work

I think silently to myself
Questioning why this is
Why does my head do these things
When all I know is I like you

I don’t like the paranoia
I don’t like the fear
It terrifies me beyond compare
To a state beyond repair

My eyes they only see you
My heart screams out for you
But in the end of the day
My head screams it can’t be true

I try to run and hide
From all these thought inside
Screaming delusions and spreading fear
Cause all I want is to be with you

I run and run
Tripping over myself
Shielding my eyes from the visions
Of you wanting someone else

I fall and cry
Screaming for someone to help
Wishing my head would stop filling with lies
Stop filling with terrifying fantasies

And yet it doesn’t stop
Screaming and cowering
Clutching my head between my knees
I burst into tears begging why

Why can’t I trust
Why can’t I have faith
Why must my head do this
Why must I feel so alone

All I want is your reassurance
Yet I can’t even get that
Because I’m too afraid to tell you
About what’s really going on inside