I find myself tracing my timeline
of all my littlest achievements.
That is the aftermath of all my failures.

Homes don't grow where I'm from
they only stand stagnant waiting for one to deconstruct a building process.
Limbs leave family trees way before fall happens. It's only a matter of time before one becomes familiar with "**** happens".
Indulged in decency far fetch becomes close Morals become like unread books.
Back-hand to reality some people get it.
Men will hit everything around, before hitting their target so a bulls eye is more like scolded ones golden tongues couldn't fix.
Pictures catch more than a moment
Pictures don't hang anymore the walls are gone. Houses look more like tornadoes  so prepare for hail. Aftermath can make a better beginning. Black looks darker in the light. In the dark your eyes will adjust so black is the new norm.
Accustomed to a ****** up custom where an abandoned home.
no painted walls, a brick mailbox, and a broken garage.

Watched old and lonely walking this road
Naming the nameless ones from a chair
On three legs splinted up with bricks
I chipped the mortar out holding out
For footsteps in the dirt like the heel
Toe once heard, enduring over bounds
And now beating in the depths right
Next to death. Whispers softly at
Distance maybe only echoes from
The wind.

I hold out.
Fight fury in the doubt.
I hold out.
Binoculars looking.

Nursed and fed empty chests and stomachs
No less to give from my own abyss
Could crawl over nail bleeding for
The kin the world lost when it ended
Just to do my only due to give
Back what I know to show the wandering
You might survive in lack.
Oh I lack.

I hold out.
I hold out.
Binoculars up

******* in the life surrounding me through a coffee stirrer
Gulp
Gulp
Gulping up what I can whilst I drift away
i am drowning in my own lungs
Pay attention to my heart beat
Cadum
Cadum
Conundrum- no sleep
I panic
i must be having a heart attack
Close eyes open eyes close eyes
Blink
Blink
Blink I can't sleep
Heavy bags
Heavy mind
****** nose
Headache
Get out of bed
All awake

Lights on
Bzzzz
Bzzz flicker flicker
Lights off

Dog scratch
No time to relax
Awake open gate
Wait
Wait
Wait
Curl up in corner doze off
Dog bark
Sister coughed
Wide eyed
Anxious cries
Door opened
Worry for my life
Grab my mace
Dog runs inside
Lock the door
Crawl on the floor
Lights on
Remain awake
Skim finger tips
Ponder life
Freak out
Pass out

Oh, little girl,
You golden child,
With your loose ringlets of red.
I saw you in my dream—
In the backyard,
I picked you up and held your hand.

I can’t remember exactly
But at some time,
All the family hovered
A few feet off the ground.
We tried to fly,
But we could only make it to the top of the apple tree.

I wish I could protect you—
Like I did in my sleep—
With your soft skull of cartilage
Not yet solidified.
The experiences that will shake you,
Not yet set in,
Like some mental clay
That spent the next ten years
Baking in the hot sun.