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I fell like silence breaking,
a scream that never made it out,
the wind folding around me
like arms that never did.

Now, I wake in a room
stitched with wires and cold light,
where the air tastes of bleach
and every surface hums with life
that isn’t mine.

The machine speak in beeps
soft, exact, unfeeling.
Beep.
I’m still here.
Beep.
I failed.
Beep.
I failed.

They say the sound is good.
They say the beeping means I’m stable.
But it only reminds me
that death didn’t want me.
That earth opened its arms
and still let me go.

The noise wraps around my head
like a shroud of neon thread.
It winds through the hollow
in my chest,
settling where the fall had emptied me.

I hate its voice,
its small, insistent hope.
It has no right to be so calm
when everything inside me
is still falling.

I close my eyes,
but there’s no peace.
Just the beep,
beep,
beep,
dragging me back
from the edge I chose.

And I want to ask the silence
why it let me go.
Why it handed me back
to this world of white and wires,
to these strangers with clipped voices
and pity in their eyes.

But silence won’t speak here.
Only the machines do.

Beep.
I’m still alive.
Beep.
I’m still alive.
Beep.
God, why?
14:22pm / I just want absolute quiet and chocolate and to sleep forever.
Ich weiß, du kennst...
we are more subtle than any creatures.

Attraction toward helpful creative license,
first liberty truth makes when taken
at face value

Christmas story lays it out
but then the sellers of holiday cheer,
those folks, they propagate a believed

story with Eloheem, a weform of Gods,
a veritable pantheon, all the spirits,
all the gifts, wordlessly imaginable,

one big ol' amphora jug portion
potion of all gifts of all the spirits,
pushers and pullers mostly, electric
positive and negative loops magnetic

silk and amber static charged touch
to the nose, voila, belief, it's true,
the pitch presented prior, to prove,

indeed elemental particles hold energy,
the E in Einstein's theory of everything
that depends on a constant… that isn't,

but that's just a detail, demonstrable,
but insignificant on the scale of this
by way of most modern-est magic,
means by which electricity charges,
or loads a battery in an auto
telic mobile device
lithium ionic
touch
spark of cognition….

------------------
{as the watchass detects angery angels,
  so these curly braces detect doubts,
    such two mind yens to yank it out,
     the esoterica of old press rules
      to conserve papyrus, use marginal
       tests of patience Job uses still  vw
        grok kens warten ist gut genug
         Ich weiß in stasis verstehen}

Truth is free
for the finder, one claimant
to being the finder, claims the truth
makes its finder free, as if by
the Jinn in the jug.

Regular events
in the existing sphere,

this bubble bound
to the sun,

as a real word bound weform
in agreement touching everything
as wares, perfecting patience patina

sheen seen sparkle in reflection
on golden ponds seen once
in this way

of all breathing entities breathe-ing
in confirmed pure information, ah,
quantifiable, hold one, ah,
one breath, hold it,
wait, wait, no
hope
without breath,
no breath without form…
information
to be, or not, once, one state,
at this point,
passed by daily, gladly, I am so

"bright, shining, gleaming;
                joyous;
       pleasant, gracious"

Perfect for show and tell, perform
the Ginger Baker part of I'm so

glad… pleased and satisfied…
with the equivalent
of three
Tostitos and two spoons
of sugar,
and a cup or two
of Kueriged coffee,
just as qwerty guy arrives…

the fifth hour, now the ninth
of the day, and prior
to this instant, I began
to think today, we, me and any init
oughta run

Powered On, Self Testing…
as if all were ever yet yonder yeses

I make palpable peace, where none is,
until we form, and agree this is
information free for use, as us,
we may think it for free, no charge,
the living words all accounted for, inherent
knowledge cognates instant same meaning
in our actual time, translation on the fly,
post all we knew before now had
to be,
some ambiguity,
as the fly by and by went
we believe we all may have read,
and have childlike innocense set aside,
left behind, in the process, metamorphic

resonant thinking thunk, can who
hear whom now? Who benefits,
cui bono, eh,
fixing re prefixes on admonition, listen,
the point
of touched surface electrons,

literally, active verb function, does feel

felt

from and through this magic
window, which was imagined, magic,
when scryers told fortunes
as seen
in smooth black bowls of tar,

black mirror dendritic ligament ties,
too many mysteries to sort any out.

the thousand thousand Arabian nights,
under the stars along the silk road, ah
traditions, every year, we offer
to these who claim knowledge
of Plieades sweet persuasions,

we make ag and re word forms
res publica, all present speak and part

take, be, ready writer
with the tongue,
from ******'s last hunt, mastered as
mysterious curious need
to know, so bad,
need to know the climactic, woe, oh,

no, meandering time maker taking mine,
to make it pay, stick and stay
think this with me:
"
The principal sources
of terrestrial noble gases are primordial gases, inherited from the solar nebula at the time of planetary accretion
"
assisting informers,
confidential, sacred trust
learn traditions as old as trade
in finished silken threads died in the egg.

------------------



Rooting the fruiting branch brings forth
from the worm, the silken strand,
to follow, thinking
this it that
true wu wei rivermind
of wondering ifery was

through the wetlands
to the sea,
riverwise, old ways, taking it easy,
leaving haps as may just be, this easy


for all its worth
made in the mind,
before becoming real,
in your own breath, the letting out
of a dammed stream,
is the loosing
of prideful indignation
contending
for whatever pride pays.

We be still, as a pool
in La Brea,
gurgles and we laugh as the world
passes gas.

---------------------------


Re,
the inseperable pre-
fixations, certainty, simplified,

easy as pi
to the wheelwright.
Regarding
roundness, something
reminds me, emotions roll, and ocean
and light waves roll, but
not as wheels, as twisters,

gut wrenching, thrill riding

coils, as "this mortal coil",
it may be,
we can see more
than we can
think or ask
to know, and maybe
we may
accept perception sent
to fix our inattention…
re on prefixations ja
Yes, seeing who ya
may think you are
being first task,

being as we are
becoming old
with no effort,
being all we are eventually
after our experience,
as a whole, collective mind
cohort sharing history
having being,

as seen on T.V.

a behaving rootless living thing,
granted reason, ah, and none, no

why factor, why me, your rational, why
think, why am I at a loss for indefinite reason

for daily doing this… thinking redefined prayer,
asking the air I breathe to give me goodness sakes
alive joy, of, mastery, free in truth to think I know,

why I am is not, by any stretch, the essence
of the common imaginable aggravating recognition,
of this looking like that, and that coiling like this, as if

today were mine, becaused,
not by my own measure
of reasonableness accumulated,
acquired experience, years of such mornings,
evident to me, having been there, at the beginning of

today, whole and certain, as this world turns, grave
truth, holding my body down, lets my mind take form,

as a spirit me, shapeless,
cloud like, we may imagine,
but the truth is we are more word like,
or song like, as soft… faint as sfumata wind edged
high cirrus crystaline ice particles
breaking above this green valley granite waves
between which,
with the magic prefixed
to my fingers,
performing first rites, fix my mind
on letting this mind form, as a
we, who do form agreement, awe, as
we live and breathe, as parts, Jah, ah, yes,
of all the world's workings, all ye outs in free

each me involved object, each I
in mere mindform thinking

rational, reasonable spinning consciousnesses,
hearing yeses,
listen, outside now,

children laughing

oh, no, not children laughing,
mothers, weeping,
where no peace is, ah,
regarding the challenge,
calling
for peace, where no peace is, nor has been,
since this cohort
of old soldiers were born, you see…

we became the peacemakers,
when we agreed,
me
to write,
you
to read, yes, when we aggregate
opposing confusion troubling our own safe zone, home,

as promised, we inherit the wind.
And live in it for ever sakes

where the heart
of our earthian mind core, smiles
to signal certainty, our time is worth spending
to aim
at an actual practical answer
to war,

taste the truth, use your full potency, all curiosity,
all the gifts, aged, mellow,
as spirits alluded to
on T.V.

the mobmind reined in and beguiled by force,
made to believe the same lies used in all the wars
we studied
to improve the odds
of winner takes all come Judgement…

begun in the house of all such holy messaging

beings, unbound
by these bodies, living
in mere words, such as we
who find some true reason

in smiles expressed, such as we often think

signals peace and safety, if, there
be any virtue, if there be any praise
that if persists in present perception, as if

the conditional
for today, if… what?

Yes, if only today, were ours
to use,
to pause, per use
at each letter, long enough
to relate the use per chance
to this once
in the ever
in front
of us both as I proceed perhaps,

by a virtue, a mankind privilege,
the knack we have used

as we use time
for doing nothing
  to disrupt the peace,
    if, such as me, are liars, too.

old pensioners believing
as if evidently
set aside
to reason
with that which lets, as a catch-
ment, a click, tick,
expectant tock talk listen hold,

birds, little fretless birds
making noise, we think
singing, signifying less
than the tempest
in the boiling pre-tea water
on my fire.


---------------------
I plan to die alone. And laugh,
knowing there's no chance,
and I keep laughing no

Pain
control, avoidance,
empty vessle swelling
pride, stretching alarm,

swelling autotelic cooling,
soothing settling breaths,

shush, little baby,

crashing howling pain, oh,
from some child far from me,

from some starving node of us,
this we in this agreemental form,

we who are dangerous to tyranny,
by virtue of development, intentional,

we who mastered our own fate, by faith,
with good reason, our own experience,
working out our own salvation, with fear
and trembling and sneaking suspicions that

it never was good for mankind, wombed or un,
to lack the good sense God gives a green apple,
to ripen and tempt with poisonous red -- ah,

parable of the curve, parabolic arc ripen to death.

Bite me.
Peace defense desert plants use, we use too,
to defend our own peace of mind, alone, away,

privately holding my own ground in the temptation,
into which we lead our muses,
to try as spirits,
to taste, persuade or convince, make beliefs,
made for us, as children,
ever ago, long gone
the way
of all simple things,


enough, morbid ghosts ignorablus,…

let's get physical.
Nobel gaseous,
last thing we be,
as a thought mirrored
in neurons popping in

to exist, out be, in reality,
as ifs we lept, and kept as owned in
our momentum until now, se', as if we lost all will
to continue in total darkness, we catch fire.

Assist Insist aiaiai actually did know
for the test,

The formation
of noble gases can
involve nuclear reactions,
such as the production
of 3He
from the reaction 6Li(n,α)3H(β−)3He

Lithium ash, after all, we all share the air,
but we also make parts of it, we process
the air we breathe, we live and have our being,
inside, this one great big bubble in the emptiness

as caretakers, loaded literally with words for
anything, answers some experiments confirm,
true as true can ever be, as it ever is

all there ever is,
as if ever was, and we carry it as clouds carry
rain if conditions are right, none, if not.

In the most base mind
of mankind, our recognition,
I am like that, those hands are like my hands,
and so on,
first impressions, gosling like,
I am one of those, these, I mean, I know
I think, Blaise,
bet me, knew I won,
how now,
we may only guess,
but guess we may, as free

mental creatures,
wingless swimmers since first
reaction caused the me thing in each
to just occur,

what are the odds
of you? One in ever.
Honest, no contest, if there were only nine points
of distinction, any reasonably programmed boy
of ten, knows fingerprints
defy duplication, its just, as justice is,
in truth it
never happens that you are not unique.
Well. that took all day the first time. But, with a drum roll, I'm glad I'm glad I'm glad - thanks to Cream for the sound track during the peace making past.
After the pain of the human body,
silence arrives,
not good, not bad,
just without noise,
without splendid glory,
filled with unfinished thoughts
of those who loved or were loved.

Crossing through an amorphous gate,
their material vessels vanish slowly
in the rotting smell,
inevitable deconstruction
in the same irreversible order.

The red liquid comes back
to the primordial elements,
to Earth, to Air, to Void,
everything and nothing.

We who are still breathing,
create new interpretations
to be more distant than close
to the elusive insight.

Clearing our space
we put various convictions
in our grief drawer, suffering,
looking for consolation—
against the final revelation.

The cosmic conscious dust
returns to the circle of life.
Does it matter what comes after?
Just stay now,
open your arms,
embrace a tender emptiness.
Aches and pains restricted because they're self-inflicted
Sorry for behaving ways that you predicted
Laziness not just sitting still
Don't believe it's wrong that most days I don't do much but chill
Demands left expectations only define explanation
Arm me with explosives then act surprised at detonation
Deodorize your selfishness
Only meet my toes
Keeping track of exact amount each past mistake owes
Cuts leave scars
Words change who we are
It seems like lately you're always too far
Differences make time
Paint ourselves
Keep storing trust on too high of shelves
Heard the message the little birdie didn't say
Glance at your face unravels silence in the way
Knocking at door but you refuse to let me in
Upon a thin line tug back and forth but neither of us can win
My patience at moments is shorter than my bitten fingernails
Over-correcting when trying to even out the scales
The gateway to happiness is one I am eager to explore
Without you next to me what would I even open it for?
Any pursuit seems to be a colossal waste
Facing dead ends
Hasty pointless chase
Day after day repeat the same routine
Bouncing up and down on this infinite trampoline
My emotions are always one extreme or another but it's always back and forth over and over how do I control my feels?
Sanwire Mar 21
When my chest feels heavy, my heart surrounded by sorrow.
I wish to feel nothing, I don’t want to see tomorrow.
I search for the answer, wondering when this will end.
The question itself wonders, I choose death to be my lonely friend.

Now I am at my decision,  I recall every feeling.
Guilt covers my vision,  regret loses its meaning.
I don’t think I can come back, I don’t even try.
Who sees what this head has, when I was left alone to cry.

When you arrive at my ending, I will remain silent that day.
When you wonder what I was hiding, why I chose this pathway.
The mystery covers your mind, so does the heaviness of maybes.
I wish you to keep me in your good sight, that’s the last wish you can grant me.

Now I am not breathing, but I feel so relieved.
The sorrow is at its ending, I am stepping into my land of dreams.
It offers me numbness, what I was eagerly wanting.
I am immune to emotions ; finally, the heaviness has ended.
Disclaimer might be sensitive topic⚠️
Ken Pepiton Mar 7
Friday, March 7, 2025
8:47 AM - part one done
exactly at 10:31...

Action taken while sitting still…

"spukhafte Fernwirkung"

working far ah hafte liability

liable(adj.)
mid-15c.,
"bound or obliged by law,"
from Old French lier, liier
"to bind, tie up, fasten, tether;
bind by obligation" (12c.),
from Latin ligare
"to bind, to tie"
(from PIE root *leig- "to tie, bind").
With -able.

Working ties.
A gnosis knot's holding thought.

Reliable religious gnosis complex,
where the path past now appears,

in all possible out from on,
thorough affirmative ready, set…

let go, leave be, fie leap to charge
across the gap elemental to shine
like the stars
using laws so simple Hydrogen obeys,
with out a thought,
transitioning
to Helium and everything

radiating waste reactions at us
while our swirling core shields us.

Thank order
for so high a call, seeing
as we seem to be the only, so far,
seeing
makers
of sense enhancers, hollering
across ever between us, hey hey

look this may catch this thought…

does it keep its worth, make it's point,
piercing action past final velocity

thunk.

However, If one has, umph to act,
and if this same one acts, unbound,
or unheld as having umph still tied
velocity wise as reflected radiance

in posed still state,
in waiting, still
precogitating

any thunks thunk.

Right. Done's Donne's bell, still today,

dinging for you.
Old and passing... watching snow melt. feeling part of the plan...
Frank Cavalo Nov 2024
Another smokes
Another one rolled
Another cries
Another one consoled
Another stands where
Another one was lain
Another’s bliss becomes
Another one’s pain

But if pain is just a part of it
Why is it all that remains?
Could it be Another
Is all it takes
To make One whole again?
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2024
You have my heart in chains
After all these years
The mercy of your affection
Hand that wipes my tears

You're mesmerizing beyond measure
Smile leaves me paralyzed
The sole word you have to utter is "Come!"
Legs move to my surprise

I obey each wish and command
Your approval I seek
All you need done to hear me talk
Simply call out to me "Speak"

You are not aware of power
Love feels like a restraint
Pulled me along by your heels
Never guided me straight

I am obedient pet
One that knows how to sit
I am too happy to lie down where I'm told
When you tell me to "Stop!" I quit

The fact is I keep heart locked up
In pound waiting for you to change
After all this time
Remains in your ribcage
Written 3-8-19
nick armbrister Aug 2024
Events happened they did their activities
From basketball to hiking to soccer
Via drinking to eating to *******
It was the same as any other job
Time to destress from the stressful job
Even if pushing their bodies to the limit
Hike a five hundred metre peak after shift
Or drink a dozen beers with ***** chasers
Takes the stress of the job away
What is your after work thing
To recover from all those calls
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