Oh, please tell me why I still care for the side of you that always
lets me down – my mind becomes your fence, picking at all of my
thoughts – each one a slat in a picket fence to surround your own
insecurities.

Tell me what lights are coming on, to keeping on pretending that
love still turns you on; have you truly spent the nights restlessly
trying to fall asleep in a **** pose, draped in nothing but a pyjama
thong?

You shed your clothes more readily than your skins, that could
unveil the core of your true self –  “this time, I am changing,” you
proclaim, yet what truly changes if you harbour such shame for
the loose parts of yourself, tell me what’s the point of looking for
change, if you don't want to fully change?

My Life is seen as a mess
In reality, it is as organized as can be
People always use their minds
To double-check what they see
I have never tried to hurt anyone
But when they think about myself, they ruin me

My Life is like trash, some say
To me, it's a beautiful display

People cut me down all the time
But my eyes tell me what always rhymes

It looks like my mental state made a disappearance
To me, My Life had never been an interference

I always felt the need to please others, it lifts you in the air
But for someone like me, you feel self-aware

Now, I'm stuck here, breaking the fourth wall
As I type this out, and speak to you all

No matter what the time, day, and place
The world feels like a runner in a race

People will pass you, for a short, little while
But don't let that get to you, just think, compile

Once you learn to accept that, all becomes clear
That it wasn't your mental state that began to disappear

So let people pass you, let them reach the finish first
But don't let your knowledge in that race disperse

You can speak in riddles or speak in rhymes
but just remember, its a matter of time

Please think about this, as I get to your head
Let this poem help you, and let you rest in your bed

For that is what matters now, don't forget it
Once this skill is learned, you can be omnipresent

Do your eyes still traverse the corridors of memory, like a VCR
rewinding its cherished tapes? Capturing your reflection in the
mirror—still radiant, unadorned, and unapologetic. I still find
myself consumed by jealousy for that bathroom mirror,
privileged to witness you from every corner of your room.

Consumed by the sinister allure of your skin’s shadowy depths,
a brilliance emerges that rivals the most exquisite treasure.
My dear, you continue to weave a tapestry of uncertainty around
me—thoughts hovering like spectres above, even as you attempt
to mask the passage of time with a new hue in your hair.

Yet, your capricious emotions betray you, revealing strands of silver
that ravenously consume my heart, and each sigh a testament to
your power. You ought not to linger in the recesses of my mind,
yet these last seven days have only intensified my fascination,
leaving me utterly weak.

I cast my laments to the skies, my spirit weeping profusely – the
cascade of your lip’s whisper, the tempestuous tides of your form,
the fortress of towering trees echoing the curve of your legs – how
can I possibly avert my gaze from your enchanting eyes? You have
transformed my heart into a crime scene, slaying me piece by piece,
all for the sake of uniting with you.

Am I just a vessel? Or a shell?
A place for his hands to dwell
Even if I told him to stop
No one would believe me if I tell

My Mother, she trusts him
To watch me while she’s out
Would she hear my cries
My find fills up with doubt

Am I just an object? Or a shell?
To be taken by force
By a man who never asked
As he pinned me with no remorse

His hands were very forceful
I bet I was easy to impel
The dampness in my basement
Was all I could smell

Tired of sick feelings in my stomach
Welled up inside
I made a choice quite impulsive
I would not abide

I’m not his object, not his toy
So the next time he tried
I backed away told him no
And pushed him aside

A six-year-old daughter
Watched her first love walk out the door
For he made up his mind
Not to love her no more

Though he divorced her Mother
He never looked back
And that was the first time
She felt her heart crack

A 19 year old women
Fell once again
He then became the root
To her stem

So she let down her guard
And gave him her all
She thought that he’d catch her
Once she started to fall

But she waged all in
Not prepared for the stakes
And when he left her
She crashed missing the breaks

She vowed to lock up her heart
To protect it from pain
For love was a poison
She’d never thrice abstain

Can you meet me after midnight?
And just hold me close
I’ll show you a good time
And no one has to know

Don’t know if its love
Or more of a feeling
But if you show up
Wear something revealing

I’ll be your women
But just for the night
This doesn’t have to end up
With me in all white

But what if I want that?
Would it be wrong to want more?
We could share a love
That’s worth fighting for

I’ll meet you after midnight
And just hold you close
But what if I’m tired?
Of ending nights with no clothes

Would you be upset or angry?
If I spoke my mind
If I did would you still choose me?
If you could rewind?

So what if I want?
To be a wife that you flaunt
And not your lady after midnight
Sorry if I’m blunt

I once loved a man
Who had two faces
Told me words of love and reassurance
Even showered me with praises

But his words never
Matched what he truly felt
Because it was only pain
Not love or care I was dealt

I once loved a man
Who never meant what he phrased
His actions burned me
Leaving me chared and scathed

Told me he’d be there
When I needed him the most
But when the moment finally came
I was left with a ghost

I once loved a man
Who couldn’t be what I craved
The cards he left me with
Were truly cruel and depraved

The lesson I learned
Was only I could save me
Not the man with two faces
Who called me his lady

I dont wanna turn 18
I don't wanna watch
As all my dreams
Fade and fall
Into the dark

I don't wanna turn 18
Because i know
That once I do
I have to deal with everything
And even more
With the thought of losing
You

I know that once I turn 18
Everything that is easy
Is gonna become
So much
Harder

I have to apply
To get money
Just to survive

I have to beg my mom
To pay
For me to get help
Cuz otherwise
I'm stuck here for life
With no one
To take care
Of me

I have to deal
With the possibility
That I can't receive help
Or funds
And I just become stuck

And i have to deal
With the thought
That if you leave too
I'll become lost
And gross
Because I can't even shower
Or go out anywhere
If you do

If i do receive the supports
That i need
I have to apply
For so many things

A service dog
Money cuz i cant get a job
A careworker
And a friend or two
Because nobody simply
Just wants to be friends
With you when you're this broken

I don't wanna turn 18
Even though
There's more things I
Have access to

Sure I can now
Buy ****
And alcohol
And consume it legally
But I might fall on those
As addictions
Not once in awhile
Supplements
For fun

I'm spending my birthday with
YOU
And I'm happy to
Because I'm happy with
The things we do

But I fear
That may be
The last day
You see me smile
Or even breath
And if I survive
It may be awhile
Before I can truly
Say
That I'm
ALIVE