Drug; he controls my brain.
He stirs an irresistible blend of chemicals in my body and convinces me to fall for him; he increases blood flow to the primitive areas of my brain and activates the circuits responsible for love and desire.

Adrenaline; he balances my stress.
He keeps my heart strong and healthy as thoughts of him and us dominate me and excite me, prompting me to get tachycardia (fast heart rate above 100 bpm) and my blood pressure to rise.

Dopamine; he regulates my focus.
He stimulates desire and triggers pleasure in me; I remember everything about us, then forget about my surroundings; I am motivated to please him, then I daydream and become unable to stay on task.

Serotonin; he stabilizes my mood.
He charms and induces me to perspire and relax, crave and distance him, lose and gain sleep, feel pain and relief, get happy and upset, and decrease and increase my immune system functions.

Medication; he forces my loveswept cells to go haywire.
He has cured my lovesickness, shooed away my regrets, helped me move on from my past, boosted my (self-)confidence, made me look forward to tomorrow, and offered me a ticket to bliss.

Oxytocin; he enables me to produce lovestruck hormones.
He affects my moral molecules as he attracts my undivided attention, pushes me to trust him, raises attachment and empathy, brings psychological stability, and encourages me to want to be closer to him.

Vasopressin; he causes me to secrete lovetastic chemicals.
He renders me monogamous and continues to have me hooked onto him; he makes me thirst for him, display amorous behavior, defend him and us, and maintain a strong partnership.

My heart doesn't beat.
It slams against my ribcage.
I picture my heart exploding
in my chest, nothing but
blood and shrapnel. Sweat
washes over me like a salty ocean wave
and if my heart doesn't explode first,
surely I will drown.
I try to swallow oxygen but
I choke on it! I try to drink water but
I choke on it! I can't breathe!
I can't breathe! I can't remember how
to be a human anymore.

The adrenaline, the invincibility,
There was nothing that could stop me.
Testing the end of my limits,
As though my life had but minutes.

Restraints shed, I was unleashed,
A wild animal finally released.
And my potential energy,
Exploded in a cloud of ecstasy.

And my blood was finally singing again…

For I am animal that can't be chained...

Its like a chorus of that song,
The change of the night star,
Swimming in that far seeking beauty,
With the slow strums of a guitar.

With all the troubles left behind,
In this lease of the true life,
Like an anxious traveller,
In all new adventures strife.

This earnest new touch of life,
In the untouched dark moon,
Has stepped in this crazy light,
Holding the map to the blue lagoon.

The hands were always *****,
With all the tricked mess,
The sea was always the deeper jump,
Yet the stars dressed to impress.

For the metal hands were ever rusted,
For this life was like carved stone,
Always beaten with hardness,
And walking out a sharp firestone.

It knocked on my door
the cracked door the guarded
the core of what I call home

I have glued it so many times
sometimes with cheap adhesive
others, I thought I'd be artsy
and used gold
maybe something broken can be beautiful
or so I thought

It was cold outside
do you think that's why it knocked?
It wanted some sanctuary some ****** heat?

It knocked with all its might
I was alone inside, enjoying my aloneness
with glue, sticking together the remains
of time

"Go away"
I screamed, I knew who it was
the door was shaking with every pound
the core of this chamber was vibrating
rippling fear, well it's not fear per say
but something I've felt before
something familiar

"I don't want you here"
I yelled it the same way
I'd say it to a returning lover
******* and your doings

The wind blew and blew
and the pounding escalated
so did my screams

I can foretell what it wants
from the pounding
I can feel it again  
just like how a song can ignite
feelings from the past
just like a cologne can time travel you
to that moment, on that street
I know what it wants

Suddenly the pounding stopped
so did the nostalgia trip
I came back to reality
with a glue stick in my hand
and a shard of glass in the other
"caution fragile pieces can cause bleeding"

My mind was not completely at peace
curiosity kicked in, OH LORD IT DID
I jolted to the door
and peeked from the peep hole
there it was, in a raincoat
standing there, looking back at me

Frantic, I felt my knees weaken
the mind sparked some logic
but the heart, that stupid heart
embraced everything else

"Let me in
I miss my home, I miss the warmth
I can see that you glued the door
the one I jolted from
the one I cracked and broke"

I was scared, it was fear this time
mixed with bits and pieces of adrenaline
"I know this feeling, I know it"
I recounted in my head, making sure
it was engraved in my thoughts

"but if I do, it's different now
this house is no longer a home
it's cushioned with protection
glued with experience
decorated with time
and fortified by mental rationale"

It knocked again
like an angry lover
aching to touch his woman again
like an insane human
coming off of his prozac

"It's time, you're rotting
from the inside, I know your beauty is eternal
but it's time you let me in"

Tears ran down my cheeks
I do miss the feeling
of sweaty palms, of butterflies
that feeling of fading into one
of smiling, of pausing time

But I do know that if I open that door
I will be the
person
to throw him out again
breaking
my cracked door
starting from scratch

What do you think?
Should I let him in
this
time
around?

or shall I wait
for the person
who comes jolting through
burning my door with passion
surprising
my core?

I put on a smile as I go about my day,
Pressure building up til I cant breathe.
As I lay down I dig at the pink scars on my arms.
They are from the demons I've defeated.
They burn as I scratch them,
Trying to remove them from my skin.
I stare blankly,
Almost in a trance as they get brighter.
I recall every battle I've been through.
Every heartbreak,
Every abandonment,
Every never being good enough,
Every broken promise like glass shards in my heart that's stopped beating long ago,
Held captive in this frozen cage we call ribs.
My brain starts to spin as I feel the burning from behind my eyes,
Memories and words siding down the contours of my cheeks.
I pick up my sword that I've used over again in my darkest hours.
I slide the cool metal across my skin,
red dots pop up in its trail.
They fill in like red rivers,
The pressure lessens and suddenly I can breathe again..
~P.S.

Oh how my sorrows torture me.
Quiet room and dim light.
The silence does not comfort me.
Not in the way that I want it to be.

Where is the door that leads outside?
To fresh air and freedom.
To where risks are hid and excitement lives.

How I wish to go outside.
Inside I feel, It's such a bore.
Hurt and adrenaline does not belong here.

They belong out there.
To hurt and ****,
Save the hearts of the confused,
The unorganized minds,
And the bodies of those who thirsts
for the blood of their own.

I just want to go outside.
Where I know the are many crevices to hide in.
My fingers will be *****,
My mind will be empty,
My heart will finally feel content.
I just want to be free from worry.