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I sit to write—
no, wait—where was I?
Oh right, the page, the pen, the—
oh, did I feed the dog this morning?
I can’t remember,
but I remember that song I heard last week,
the one with the bassline that sounded like footsteps
on a quiet street at dusk.
I should look it up,
but not now. Not now. Focus.

I try to corral the scatter,
wrestle it into something linear,
but my thoughts sprint off track,
like wild horses too proud to be tamed,
hoofbeats echoing against
the thin walls of my mind.

I hear a whisper of focus,
a fragile, fleeting thing,
but then...
did I pay that bill?
Or was that last week?
The thought derails me,
and suddenly I’m plunging
into twenty different tunnels,
each one darker than the last.

I try to speak,
but the words trip over themselves.
Half a sentence here,
a dangling thought there,
and I wonder if people see
the tangled mess beneath my skin,
if they hear the static,
feel the weight
of a world
moving too fast to grasp.

But sometimes,
in the chaos,
there is brilliance.
A spark, a flicker,
a thread of gold in the storm.
It’s in the moments when my mind leaps,
connecting dots no one else sees—
a kaleidoscope of half-thoughts
somehow finding form.

Still,
the struggle doesn’t end.
It’s hard to explain
what it’s like to live
with a brain that never stops moving,
that stumbles off the rails
just when you need it to stay steady.

But here I am,
sitting again,
lost and found all at once.
I will finish this poem,
or maybe I won’t—
oh, I should clean my desk.
Where was I?
Right.

I sit to write.
This is a poem I wrote to capture what it’s like living with ADHD — at least for me.
ADHD isn’t just about being “hyper” or “distracted” sometimes. It can feel like your mind is constantly sprinting in different directions, even when you desperately want to focus.
Writing this, I wanted to show both the struggle and the strange beauty that can come from a brain that doesn’t move in straight lines.
ADHD is messy, frustrating, and often invisible to other people — but it can also be creative, vibrant, and unexpected.
If you relate, you’re not alone. If you don’t, I hope this gives you a glimpse inside the experience.

Fun fact: This took me like 3.5 months to finish because I kept forgetting about it
Lee Aug 16
My handwriting is too much
too curved and too formy
My names in a bunch
poor cursive just swirly
Chris Pea Aug 7
To look
to study
to let it consume you
it takes over your life
every waking hour
it all you can thing about
and then, without notice
somthing new and
Oh wow, it's a ******* fish!
This is how life gets me, I really get into somthing and all of a sudden I see somthing else and the last thing is forgotten in a flash
I don't know why I'm still taken a back ...
By my complete and total lack ...
Of Dopamine in my ADHD brain. 
How quickly I feel overwhelmed and drained.
There seems to be a disconnect...
Between the planing and the do.
But the  results don't reflect  
How hard I try for you.
I'll never be a decent keeper of time.
I'll always forget the instructions too.
If only you could see inside my mind...
Then you could see the chaos I live through.
So please understand I work so hard,
Just trying to do...
The little things things
that never require a second thought from you.
I'm laying here on my bed
With loads of things to do in my head

I could clear my table of the clutter
Make some space
For somewhere to eat bread and butter.

I could be making a hat from  knitting
One of the most relaxing times
I'll always be admitting

I could be in my living room singing
The neighbors ears and mine included
would start Ringing

I could be typing up poems for my book
To which moving to the computer
It's like I feel stuck

I want to do these things I really do.
It's so hard to understand why can't i do things other people can do
I'm so badly trying to get some kind of diagnosis, the struggle is real.
Lee Aug 1
If I could make every single word scar
I absolutely would
Nothing is stopping me from doing so
I absolutely could
Well if the noise is overwhelming me
I absolutely should
Guys this poem is definitely not serious it’s just putting my minds intrusive thoughts into words.
i peel myself back,
looking for skin.
for bone.
for something warm-blooded
and nameable.

but there’s only
mood swings - ADHD?
echolalia - autism.
hobbies that turn to hunger -
special interests.
talking too much - ADHD.
talking too little - trauma. Or is that autism?
flinching at softness - trauma.
stimming - trauma. Or ADHD?
people-pleasing - trauma.
Shutting down - trauma.
Or were those also autism?

what isn’t accounted for?

when i laugh,
is it because i’m happy
or because it’s the safest sound to make?

when i sit in silence,
is it peace
or practiced disconnection?

was i ever whole,
or was i built
out of reaction,
adaptation,
survival?

do i still count
as a person?

i truly cannot tell.
but if i don’t -
that’s okay.

because this is who i am now.
a map of every exit i had to take.
a body full of reroutes.
a nervous system that remembers everything.

even if nothing here
was born purely,
even if it all came from need -

what’s left
is, well, what I have left.
This is what it feels like to unpack your own existence with a clinical checklist in one hand and grief in the other. I wrote this while wondering if there was ever a version of me that didn’t come from adaptation. Maybe not. Maybe this is all trauma. But if so, I still made something out of it. And that still counts.
Matt Jul 28
Instagram.
open.
close.
Text Messages.
open.
close.
Discord.
open.
close.
Back to Insta.

Forget why.

"So come on let's go
let's go below zero and hide from the sun
I'll love you forever, where we'll have some fun,
Yes, let'***** the North Pole and live happily,"

huh.
North Pole kinda screws up the tempo a bit

Wait did I answer James?!?!?
or was that yesterday?
nope. five minutes ago.
Do i answer again???
would that look weird?
Nevermind, i'll figure that out later
Oooooh new message from James
LMAOOO what is he even talking about

I should write a poem.
nooo I should sleep
I should write a poem about not sleeping
then sleep while thinking of my next poem
nooo i should prep for my meeting tomorrow
agenda bullet points
bullet point
point and laugh
that'd make for a good wheel of fortune clue
no.
focus.
where's the doc?!?!
Google Drive tab number 7
WHY IS IT OPEN TWICEEEEE

"Please, don't cry no tears now, it's Christmas, baby
My snowman and meeeeeeee"

I  just thought about it,

"where we'll have some fun"
what if "fun" though??
is writing this fun?
am i having fun?
am i sad?
am i happy?
anxious?
all of it?
none of it?

of right. Insta
someone typing
someone stopped
me, wondering if I said too much
me, saying more

meetingmeetingmeetinggggg
should i print this?
make it into a pdf?

and also "it's christmas baby"
.... it's July
right?

i think i need to sleep
I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD nor do I think I have it, but this poem was about how full my head always feels, and specifically, this was actually a true story based on my brain trying to function last night.
Lee Jul 27
I don’t quite know,
where my bones go,
Or how my arm is supposed to bend.
The cold creeks gush,
Stung my fresh cuts,
When we went swimming at world’s end.
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