They asked me what drug I was addicted to- so I told them your name

I am an addict
I am a mother
I am a daughter
A sister, a friend.

I am an addict
and I live under
The spell addiction sends
right through my bones,
my mind, my heart, my soul

I am an addict
and I have never felt so small
I am an addict
I told myself
As I held my head in shame

I am an addict
and I cannot live with all this pain
I am an addict
I deserve nothing but the worst
I am an addict and
I live under this curse.

Success
I cannot have it (I told myself)
The right to a good life
I am an addict
I’ve caused too much pain and strife.

Content
I cannot have it (I told myself)
I don’t deserve to smile
I am an addict and
I am at the bottom of the pile

I am a survivor
I am a warrior
I am a Queen
But
I had a habit
That dampened all of my dreams

I am a fighter, a writer
I am clever, kind, caring and strong
I am an addict
but under labels I do not belong

I am a women, a human
Who sadly had to break
To be transformed into
The champion she is evolving
into today

I am an addict and
although yes, I do lust
for drink and drugs
I now have a Higher Power
I can trust, who showers
me with strength, guidance and love

I trudged for miles but
with hard work,
The shackles soon fell off
and although yes,
I fell face first
deep into the mud
I wiped my eyes,
squeaky clean and
I truly felt Gods love.

I began to breathe, to believe
in myself, in all my worth
and dare I say it……
I was thankful to still have
two feet firmly on this earth.

I remembered how it feels to live,
to dream, to be free
To feel alive –
and just how beautiful
This universe really is
Through my new fresh eyes.

I am an addict
And I do not wish to forget
For that could do me harm

I will always remember
my loved ones, my friends,
my family
Who lost their battles
In this crazy search for calm
and I hold them here
Firmly within my heart.

They provide me with the fuel
When my internal fire
barely starts
But the ones who keep me
Strong, who really ignite
my light
Are the ones sat amongst us,
The ones who daily fight
to stay sober and clean

We’re not perfect but
We try, the survivors,
the warriors, the ones
fighting to the end
carrying a light for their
lost loved ones and friends

You’re the champions –
In my eyes you are all stars.

And you deserve every bit
of goodness on this earth

Addiction puts blinkers on your
eyes, but recovery removes the curse.

Please understand, it isn’t
easy, it is a daily fight
but with time, care and
a lot of love, I am grateful
to have been given another
chance to try at life.

I am an addict
But I am also a survivor
And freedom tastes so
very, very nice.

'''She is becoming  more addictive ☺️☺️
Maybe she is heroine
She smells funny
That's why I call her bunny ☺️☺️☺️
Simple round full lemons🤲🏽🤲🏽
**** am grateful to the farmer
Okay with then I like them more than melons😂'''

Silence.
We sit in stillness with our thoughts.
Conflicted.
Emotions running rampant.
High.
Out of control.
You were better- you were happy.
You were the man that I fell in love with again.
For that sweet everlasting second I saw a glimpse of that man.
If I had known I would’ve stopped.
For you.
But now that’s not something I can do.
Silence.
Uncertainty filling the air between our touch as we lay on opposite sides of the bed.
I see this shell looking back at me and my heart is sore.
Silence.
Saddened to see you like this.
I missed you for so long.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t-
Or wouldn’t, be strong.
I thought we could go back.
We can’t.
Silence.
Have you ever realized how it makes the air thick?
The anxiety that lingers like lint from the laundry.
How damp and humid it becomes?
Wondering who and when the other will spill their souls.
Silence.
I can’t even hear you breathe anymore.
Only the sound of my own shaky breath ticks the time away.
Holding back the tears.
Four years,
And silence is what sits between us.

She's an artist.

A painter to be exact.

Connecting darling dots along her veins.

She's an actress.

The Queen of little lies.

Her best performance is to herself, pretending everything's alright.

She's the guardian.

Stashing away all the pain.

She puts it in a box never to be touched again.

She's all alone.

She sits in heavy silence.

And never speaks a single word.

I'm addicted to happiness,
I wish it was my own,
I didn't leave,
When he asked me not to,
I only stayed,
Because I didn't want to.

caught up in the mix
sniffing out my fix
to feed these demons in my head
years of being spun
still I'm not dead

spinning on this endless ride
deep inside the real me hides
I deny the truth it hurts too much
I'm in love with my denial
it makes the sting of unfulfilled desires go away

I'm waiting for my ashes
to be dropped into the bay

wonder if I'll ever learn
this devil inside
is my only obstacle
like to blame instead
**** it, anyways
it's just in my head

a breathing corpse
is what I've become
my soul is dead

as I pretend to think
written in ink
cleverly disguised
all of my
senseless alibis

dreaming of the day
the good lord takes me away
life everlasting
sounds alright
as long as it's not
like these nights
lost in the drama of a user's a paranoia

I'm pulled down into the pit
this abyss of
demons
losers
users
criminals
of every sort
all completely consumed
by their disease

as we all slowly march to our destiny

prison, death, or mental ward
one way dead end
lifestyle
is what I've become
lie to myself
in self-pity delusions
ain't life grand?

lie to myself some more
life is such a bore
yeah yeah yeah