Undress me with your eyes,
While I do the same in my mind.
Your breath on my neck,
As your lips brush down to my shoulder.
Chills running down my spine,
While your fingertips graze my skin.
Sweet sighs whispered,
Softly in my ear.
Arousing my body,
Losing sense of all rational thought.
I close my eyes,
And inhale your scent.
Calming my mind,
And slowly giving in.
For its been too long,
And my body's been aching for this.

I wish I was numb
The pain is overwhelming
Like a knife is implanted within my chest
Not allowing me to breath
Depression is ruling
The heart is aching
The memories are dancing
I'm angry
Barely in control
Lost in my pain of the past
Urges are starting up
Making me itch
Please save me
Please **** me
Shoot me, stab me, drown me
The pain is flowing over
I'm losing control
The thoughts are coming more often
To die is to be relieved
That's what the thoughts are trying to get me to believe
No one understands
Why I wish to be numb

in a distant place
we lay on our sides face to face
in a green meadow wearing white
I can see us smiling eye to eye
our hair is longer, there is peace and ease
what use to be uneasy is now released
because it seems so impossible
right now this present time is too strange
maybe in a later day
as of now too much is deranged
much more too learn
my only choice is too delay
I can only hope I don’t miss that day
You make me feel like I’m doing okay
I want to know
I need to know
will you wait for me
I want time to find the words
I need time to calm my nerves
I know it’s you I want
you’ll find me bettering myself so you can see
there is a light like yours that can reflect in me
I’ll put my feeling on hold
let the answers be told
it’ll take a great deal of work
to get the what our future holds
we will unravel and unfold
until in a distant place
was lay on our sides face to face

My heart ached for the first time in ages when I saw you
My heart ached when you and I were introduced to each other
My heart ached when we talked of how your boyfriend hurt you.
My heart ached when I saw tears forming in your eyes.
My heart ached when I saw you smile a carefree smile.

Whatever you do, whatever you did.
My heart aches.
It aches for you

How do I start over again?
How do I tell my heart
To stop aching
And cease from breaking?

Where do I begin
To pick up the pieces of my heart?
How do I stop my tears
From rolling down my cheeks?

When can I tell myself
Stop, it's over?
When will I know
That you are totally mine again?

I wish I knew all the answers.

15-10-19
I want you to read this.
Know that I'm a psychopath.
It would be easier if you hated me for creeping up your neck.
For holding a snare around your ankle.

For being obsessed and inhuman.

If I'm not human. If I'm not real. I cannot be hurt.
And since your opinion matters the most in this hour, tell me I'm surreal. So I can surrender.

~

Barefoot.  
Floor.
I wish you could see me now.
Slowly moving my body to his lyrics.
"Oh mother I can feel.."*

Breath in my mouth so I won't die.
If that lust is too mad.
Then bury my flesh and mind among the soaked leaves.
As long as your skin grab my limbs, I'm fine.