Part of me already knows that
The promises you make are empty
They bare no meaning
Yet I hold on to something
A sliver of hope
I turn away from the truth
The hope I feel is my own delusion
An illusion I create to save myself
Kept in the dark crevices of my mind
I throw myself deeper into the false pretense
and dig myself my own grave once more
Stuck in a reverie of my own, I let myself sink in own mind, pushing myself more into myself. I’m my own demise.

ever since i was young, i've had this pretense of positivity brought onto me. oh, how sweet and personable she is, they'd say. i didn't understand the significance of their words at the time nor did i realize they influenced my whole life.
but y'know
life's full of mysterious things and reasons why and no one completely understands how it can simply ******* over
y'know
i have never pretended to be outwardly pessimistic. i believe that hope and love and life will surely have a happy ending, right? i'd say that i have always been the optimist; the hoper; the lover; the dreamer.
but you should know
life's full of mysterious things and reasons why and no one can ******* understand how the pain can simply end you
don't you think,
at this point, people should just give up? less pain, less heartbreak, less ache.
they would think
life's full of mysterious things and reasons why and they simply can't understand why it has to hurt like this
i'm sitting here thinking "what happened to being the dreamer of impossible dreams? the hoper of hopes flung so far that you're terrified you won't survive the fall down if you fail?
and well
i know
life's full of mysterious things and reasons why and i'm sitting here screaming "why does no one ******* understand?"
at the top of my lungs.