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Kalliope 21m
Healing isn’t linear,
but I really wish it was.
Some days I’m just fine and don’t even look, and others, I check up on you a million times just because.

I hate when I feel the shift,
like dropping my phone in the ocean.
My heart races and can barely defend
against all the high-adrenaline mental commotion.

I handled the quiet so well yesterday;
you never even crossed my mind.
But here I am, mid-afternoon- turning my head,
no longer running, but you’re not behind.

Like a midnight hike gone horribly wrong-
it started to rain, we got lost in the fog,
and wound up on different trails.
Alone under stars clutching half a map
i was always the kind
with a toothbrush to spare
reserved for only you,
not knowing who you'd be.

a friend, perhaps, in need
of a soft bed and duvet,
a midnight love, leaving
just as sudden as it came.

maybe i was always
hoping that my sanctuary
would be enough,
and maybe, just maybe,
you'd peel the old love away,
like paint from a windowsill—

but you never stayed.
this one is about the ones that I watched drift by.
June 23, 2025
I don't even have hobbies anymore
I just cry,
Competitively
2200
I cradle hurricanes in my ribcage
while words swirl around my head.
I try to catch the good ones-
but mostly, I wish I was dead.

I do everything too much-
the joy, the sorrow, the dread.
Yet somehow, I’m never enough-
what a curious truth to be force fed.

If I laugh, it’s always too loud;
my mouth too sharp to make anyone proud.
Crying is a dangerous game,
I could sob away a city, drown in the blame.

My rage leaves no survivors,
as if I line people up on personal pyres.
When I vent, they hear preaching-
a sermon no one wants, a fear of my leeching.

I don’t love, I dissect-
obsessively search for the trap I expect.
I can’t just leave; I burn it all down-
the bubbly, funny girl wears a permanent frown.

I do too much and my inner child feels seen,
She's acting out, we aren't this mean
I just get scared when the vibe is off, and ruining the mood makes the blow more soft.

Despite the chaos I still crave love, an equal partner, wearing fireproof gloves.
If I weather your storms, could you handle mine?
Storm chasers have never been easy to find.
Heavily debated deleting my account,
Even though it predates you,
It is forever tainted
with confessions of
love
for
you
Its 8 pm and I feel sick
I'm sick of feeling sick
I don't know why I'm this way 🙃
If I rewrite the narrative,
make you say things you’d never-
it hurts a little bit less.

If I picture you sending my screenshots,
laughing with your friends
about how I’m pathetic,
it hurts a little bit less.

If I melt the candy coating off your words
and read them as they are,
my chest doesn’t feel as hollow.
The pages rinse free of hope,
replaced with finality.

If I say it was just a game,
and now I have to log out-
close the window, shut it down,
you’ll never log back in.

My lungs can fill with air again,
My eyes remain dry.
This grief stops sitting on me,
I can stop wondering why.

You’ll always be
my favorite book I picked up-
but maybe you were one
I was never meant to read.
I wish I hadn’t stitched you into all of my fabric.
There’s nothing to do that keeps you off my mind.
You are everywhere and nowhere all at once-
like a ******* ghost seeping into all my rhymes.
I didn't say goodbye
I couldn't find the strength
No, I took the cowards way
And slipped out in the rain
I had a lot I wanted to say to you
About the way I've been feeling
I decided I couldn't say it
Out of fear your response interrupts my healing
Maybe you'd have begged me to stay
Or worse you'd have urged me to go
Neither response would be what I want
So I had to leave without letting you know
I know in my heart we will never speak again
There's part of me that hopes that isn't true
But I expressed my goals and intentions
Whatever does, or doesn't, come next,
Will be up to you.
I have lived lifetimes
At night while I sleep
I want to rest now
But I'm scared of what I'll see
I just ******* know it will be you.
Staring at a block button
Like it holds the secrets I crave
Like it offers my heart freedom,
Like it gives my mind escape.

My fingers just won't press it
So odd that now I hesitate
I've pressed it a million times before
In my mind it's what I have to do,
My heart just doesnt want to participate.

But she needs to.
She has never led me right
It's time she does retire
She is always late
And keeps everything on a wire.

That's not how we're living anymore
We are going one foot in front of the other,
I can't rest at closed doors anymore
It's my own light that I smother.

I desperately don't want to say goodbye
But I cannot be your friend
You said true love never goes away
It morphs but never ends.

I can't have you around me
I hope things are different everyday
I can't hold on to what's not there
I have to unlearn how to care.

I sound like a broken record-
My writing even worse
If I have you near me
I'll never get out of the "I miss you" curse.

Missing isn't living
And it hurts me every hour
I've reread every word
And still my feelings aren't sour.

I really want to hate you
So I could just slam the door in your face
But I can't find the justification
And I'd never hurt you on purpose, just in case.

You said that real love never leaves
That it will stay with me forever
Well I'm sitting here as it drips out my eyes
Wishing I never felt it, ever.
That's it
That's all I'll say
I no longer give myself permission to wish for things I'll never be able to fix
I'd lay in the sun
Til I turn to dust
Never searching for stars again

I'd sail the oceans
Until seasickness is all that I am, Dehydration second nature

I'd circle the planet
In the worlds smallest plane
Til my ears pop
And I crash in flames

I'd lay in a tank
Making friends with
Spiders and snakes
Til fear paralyzes my every nerve

Simply to never
feel this way again
I never thought I'd miss
My ability to just go
Numb.
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