She ended up further from the house than she originally planned, but it didn’t bother her.
She need some space.
The walls were too thick. She felt them everywhere she went, those walls. Even out in this field, they surrounded her on each side and stole the air from her lungs.
Did walls have to breathe?
She was used to that feeling. Short of breath, short of life. The problem was, this is the kind of life she had wanted. A marriage to a handsome, wealthy man. He could take care of her, he could provide to her anything and everything. It was everything she had hoped for. That’s what she kept telling herself.
But it wasn’t, and she knew it. She knew it, she knew it, she knew it. But she didn’t dare say. She didn’t dare give even the slightest hint of unhappiness. After all, her parents hand-picked him for her. It was a tough decision, they said, since she had so many suitors. But he was the wealthiest, the most promising.
They promised. And he was.
She would never forget his face, his eyes, and certainly not the way his hands felt,
as one grabbed her shoulder and the other one made contact with her face.
No dancing, he said. He wouldn’t allow it. It didn’t make sense, she thought, for her to sit concealed behind these four walls. All day, she sat, waiting for him to return. She knew not of what he did, not of how he made his money. But it was there, so she remained quiet, what choice did she have really? Submit and be quiet, or feel his hands. And she did not like the feel of his hands.
So today she decided to walk. He told her no, of course, when she asked. It wasn’t acceptable for a lady to walk. What are you going to do? You certainly cannot leave me. You are my property, you know this.
Of course not, she said. These walls, they steal my air.
Ha! He was mocking her. He raises his hand, reaching for her. They won’t be the only things…
She promised him she would stay inside, but after he left, she slipped away. Five minutes of fresh air, she thought, that’s all she needed.
So she walked. She was farther from the house than she had planned, but it didn’t bother her. She needed some space.
But then, the sky grew gray. And she knew, she just knew, that the universe was speaking to her. Get back inside, it said. Hurry, he’s coming back. Go! Now!
She turned and picked up speed. A giant pillow of wind rushed at her. Her body and the wind, like two lovers, dancing. It felt good. No, it felt wonderful. The wind was what she needed.
She stood suspended in that moment, and the wind breathed the air into her lungs that he would later take away.
