Feeling extremely unloved and worthless
A teenager's life can be difficult, and clueless
Young and restless,
Tall, slender and harebrained
We struggled with untimely feelings
Our heart becomes our mind. And
our mind become weak by older men flattering words

It has been over thirty odd years, and yesterday
for the first time  I saw an image of the thief
I felt betrayed and disgusted by the looks of Mr. Thievery

My non forgiving heart kept saying forgive the old weasel
My evil twin whispered: spat on the memories of the womanizers
He died with the memories.  But not the lasting,
loving dreams of feeling and emotions

The earthly, scent of the marijuana breathes
Still lingered in my brain: Was I insane?
Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and rough hands
Against my delicate smooth skin.  I spat on that
Our ****** relationship seem more like a crime to remember
Than any I have ever been in: I too spat on that
The years seems so long:

His ****** expression synchronizes with his life
Time clicked away last Thursday for Allie Moore.
R.I.P: brethren!

He did not know what it meant to love or feel love: Quote Michael

I loved you
every single day
especially those nights
you ******
other men
You're better than me
but you kept coming
back for more

he really is mean, you know
really, truly mean
and i know
yes, i know
so why do you keep sleeping in his bed?
it makes no difference
and you, you know this
you are not a person
you are hardly a body
he is so mean
and you fall asleep crying
(you've been crying every day)
but i, i love him, you know
and yet tell me this -
is this love you harbor
worth all of this ache?
this ache you can't escape
you know how to though
but you wait
you wait and wait
purely in vain
but i love him
and he loves me
but he is so, so mean

please take me to a safe place
where everything is bright and shining
where it's never raining and dreary
where the water is pure and food is a delicacy
i want a safe place
where i'm never afraid of being myself
where i don't feel guilty for being happy
where i won't be forced to be unhappy
take me to a safe place
where my family isn't falling apart
where no one is a disappointed in me
where i'm not afraid of my best friend
just take me to a safe place
please.

It takes strength to walk away from a toxic relationship, weakness to stay.

Wishful thinking will have you believing old problems or tyrant personalities have or will dissipate.

By constantly relenting, nothing will change.

Having said that, there is still time for you to gather your strength.

Take a stand, don’t stay victim to someone unworthy of your love.

Instead just walk away.

don't bruise my mind with your
spat out slurs that fall
to my feet
with
a thunk.

don't fill my pretty little head
with insanity-notions
and those lies
that
are pernicious.

don't tell me i am prettier
when i am angry;

you want me
when i am angry;

you'd **** me
when i am angry.

don't.
don't.
don't.
don't
say you love(d) me.

past or present tense
the lie is still tensing

the backbone
you say i don't have.

don't look at me.

*your eyes aren't the only thing i won't miss on my body.

I try to hide how you make me feel
Teach myself a brave face and honest smile
Though my muscles tire of being forced in opposing directions
The power you hold rips felt like spirit and soddens saddened soul

I wrap myself in layers of woollen protection to hide the scars
Though anyone can see the bloodied oozing of my constant carpet burn.
It seeps from out my eyes as I look with glazed pretence
It slips between whispered words in silent cries of lies

For too long have you dragged me behind
Kept me to the fallen floor
Where once it was soft; I closed my eyes and hugged its warm plush for comfort.
Now, it becomes bare
Rough and damaging
Itching my bones
And exposed to its body of sandpaper I waste away.

I wait for you to realise
To remember I am there
Pick me up and make me better like you did in the days before I angered you
Alas, you only ever look back when telling me it’s where I belong.

I follow your lead
Unable to break myself from your grip
Deathly departed in soulless belief
Why do I still believe in you?

the day is new
so let’s not break it
I tell myself to triumph
every single time I trip
and there is no one there to hold me
but it’s a fall from grace with a view
with time and space for thought
and so I spend it on you

the day is new
you hurt me last night
and it is out of my memory
you maimed my thighs again
with the flowers I bought for you
you tried strangling me this time
and I thought it could finally be true
that this is how love feels like

the day is new
and so I sit here in comfort
wearing a sweater as always so no one sees
sipping a coffee pretending to be me
I make up lists in my head
to prevent me from going insane
for fear that I might like this
for fear that I might not run

who was that from before?
the day is new
and this is me
surely my pain is sorely somatic
I’ve heard my senses call me psychotic
but there is no war inside my head
there’s just me
screaming on the television with my sockets at my cheeks
sunken within me I fade
until a new day begins

the day is new
you told me so yourself
you taught me to forgive and I did
you taught me penance and I perceived it to be
my sole purpose and the sole remedy that will save me
before I go insane

the day is new
we play darts with knives and we’re neck to neck again
winner takes all
it’s been our tradition ever since the fall
how could I possibly need somebody so much?
why am I still here?
no, you taught me to never question
the day is new but you are a staple in my life
one that I could never live without
I’m stuck with stilts on solid ground

the day is new
sometimes I wish the day will never end
the day is new
maybe it’s time we stop the play pretend
the day is new
the room is spinning
the curtains are falling
the windows apart
a distant sweet churning
the sound of your heart
maybe it’s chaotic
but maybe it calms me
the sound of wares crashing
threats thrown again
the day is new
but these habits stay the same
the day is new
so overused it’s nauseating
I double down on this disastrous misery
who am I to call you a fiend?
I’m no villian yet not quite angel again

the day is new
I dispose of yesterday’s prey
and reload
for today’s new hunting and today’s new game

Trust is not given, but earned
And old bridges must be burned
But you cannot close what was never open
And life tends to favor the over-churned.
From time to time, if you may
See a whole universe in front of you
And maybe next time, per say
Pick someone by the way they look at you.
With gentle eyes
Or with contempt.
If they light up when you smile
Or when you agree with them.
Sure signs of a surely scattered lover
Should come clearer to you than this.
For instance:
          •If they seem like they don't care for you, believe them.
          •If they tend to make other plans when you schedule dinner with your parents, leave them.
          •And, if they let you go to sleep unhappy at night, retrieve their belongings from your apartment, scatter them into the streets and do not allow them to open your now-closed door.