Something that needs more attention and convo.
I’ve known about it since a youngin’
But I didn’t understand it then.
Now that I do,  
there’s confliction.
I’m straddling the fence with this.
My husband is supposed to be the man with the  
key to my body.
I’m years from marriage plus  
my mind thinks of the act.
A lot.  
Apparently, this is wrong.  
I thought I was only human.
Don’t they understand *** is everywhere?
Isn’t the thought better than the action?
I made the decision to wait.
Not because of the past teachings.
This is my body, my choice.
I can’t bring myself to give away
my most cherished part
away so easily.
Is the choice easy?
Even in singleness, the thoughts
and temptation is everywhere.
I could find a guy.  
Any guy.
And have fun.
But would it mean more to me than him?
Is the choice fair?
I can’t argue with the Word.
But I have free will.  
The main thing I want to avoid is soul ties.  
Those can’t leave me as quick a bad
fun session.
Will my wait be worth it in the end?
I hope so.  
This may not be easy,
Let alone fair.  
But in my eyes, it’s right.
-Mia J
10-8-2019


© 2019 Mia J

my body
misses you
more than it can handle
the pain of the withdrawal.

I don't know why
Can't even begin to understand
When I know you're about to kiss me like you want to taste and lick my soul
I don't bother to pull back
Never wanting you to stop
Never wanting you to end
Your smell, vibe, taste, sensation
Strumming on me
Making your favorite notes play your favorite tune
Fully clothed yet vulnerablely ****
Yearning for our bodies to match
Undoing my button brought me back to rational thought
We must stop
You must stop trying to **** me out of my commitments
My commitment to my heart
My mind
My soul
To starve the flesh

In my search for happiness,
I found pleasure and prayer,
Satisfaction and abstinence.
How much of it was true
And how much an illusion?

People spoke of balance
But to me it was about
Giving it all up
Or completely giving in.

I decided to give in
But only to the realm within
And yet I could not differentiate
How much of it was true
And how much an illusion.

It hasn’t even been that long...
Bit over two weeks?
But tonight I gave up
I gave in to the pleasure
Stimulation
Excitement
Teasing
Prolonging
Then pleeeaassssure....
Mm... and to lie in bliss
In comfort
In serenity
In deep and surprising
Satisfaction.

Really, there was no need to fuss,
I signed on with Yarn Anonymous,
Here I stand to confess,
I bought more wool, not less,
Then I did sign the pledge,
I took abstinence to the edge,
Here I stand and say,
I have not bought wool for ten whole days!