" why did you stop smiling?"

"The reason behind my smiles,
Has already left,
Therefore,
There is nothing for me to smile again"

I finally knew why
His feelings for me has faded
The reason why
He wouldn't want me back
Why
He no longer wants me

It was because
He was able to get the one he wanted
The one he has been waiting for all this while
When I thought I could replace her,
I guess I was wrong
And now I knew why
There is no more us
But only him and her.

I was holding onto you
And I didn't want to let go
But you were holding onto someone else
And I know you didnt want to let go
So I let go of my hands
So that you could be free
With the one you wish to be with

Mama, why you hate me?
Mama, why you leave?

Mama, save me,
Save me, please.

Mama, come back.
Mama, stay.

Mama, what did I do wrong?
Wrong today?

Mama, can't you understand,
That it's not easy, this life at hand?

Mama, what's wrong?
What did I say?

You told me to shut up
The other day.

So, mama, what's wrong?
Tell me please.

So I can be there
When you need.

Mama, come on,
Don't be rude.

I said nothing
Rude to you.

Mama, why don't you care?
Care 'bout me?

I thought you said you'd be there
When I need.

But you left too.
Just differently.

So mama come back,
I plead and plead.

But I guess you're gone,
You decided to leave.

Guess that means
You don't love me.

So mama hear me out,
Before I go.

Why don't you care,
Care about me, yo?

No answer?
No reply?

Guess that's alright,
I'm ready to die.

So watch me stalk away,
Into the shadows.

And never come back,
'Cause I'm dead now, mama.

It's not like you'll care,
You'll move on.

Throughout the day,
You'll never mourn.

A sad thought,
I have to admit,

That my mama didn't care enough,
Enough to commit.

To commit to me,
And to her family.

To commit to her,
And to her life.

Guess I'll leave now,
Finally; goodbye.

My friends asked me
Who is that guy?
Is he your boyfriend?
You always go out with him?

And all I can say is.
We are just friends.

Obviously it seem like a lie
But it's the sad truth
There was nothing more between us.

My workmates asked me
Do you have a boyfriend?
Who is that guy in your phone?
He's your boyfriend right?

And it pains me to say
He's just a friend

Every single time
With tears in my eyes
With the stinging pain feeling to say it out
We were just friends
Or used to be at least.

Playing the hardwood like a keyboard;
fingertips and nails tapping rhythmically.
I tied the tie but you pulled the cord,
letting the knot come undone; swinging freely.
I didn’t deserve your invisible cold shoulder,
I didn’t deserve the weight of your blame,
maybe you’ll realize in the future when you’re older,
something tells me you’ll never change, you’ll remain the same.

And you’ll be jumping from decision to decision
without knowing your landing spot,
and if it all goes as I envision,
you’re gonna need all the sympathy the world has got.
Because you never learn from a mistake,
and respect and empathy you surely lack,
as you leave destruction in your wake with every heart you break,
and you can’t even be bothered to turn around and look back.

You don’t question the motives of the words in your ears,
convinced you’re making your own decisions while being directed.
I didn’t realize you became 2008 Britney Spears,
this acceptance of no responsibility is more than I ever expected.
You always were a bad liar,
overcompensating for the lack of a single fact,
but in two or six years you didn’t tire,
did you take lessons from my girl Meryl in how to act?

They say to base a person
on not their words but their action,
and not to judge someone when they’re at their worst,
you complain of conflict while also causing the traction,
and keep applying the pressure; all has potential to burst.
You watched me shovel and dig a grave,
convincing me the whole time it was a life for two.
I worshipped you willingly as your devoted slave,
and I guess I was just gum stuck to your shoe.

I want to slander your name
but then I’d have to speak it,
instead I passed back the blame
this time for good you can keep it.

They always leave and walk away,
Think I'll be okay, be okay,
But I'm not alright,
Being alone every night,
Reaching for someone who isn't there,
Liking someone who doesn't care,
And no I'm not asking for forever,
I just want someone who doesn't want to share,
Bed hopping like I'm not enough,
And they always leave me when they find out I'm corrupt,
When they break through the mask I put on,
Because inside I'm depressed and half gone,

I just want someone to stay and try,
To fix the broken pieces I try to hide,
Be there for me, in a way my friends can't be,
But no one wants to stick around for the real me,

And maybe if I were up front about my past,
How it's effected me, relationships could last,
But I've tried it, I've been there,
And still they walk away, it's not fair,
But I get it happiness isn't just handed to you,
Maybe just once though, I'd like that to be true,
I don't want to have to work so hard to be normal,
But living in a box was never in the cards for me at all,
When will someone decided I'm worth all the trouble,
All the heart ache, the arguments, and the struggle?
Because I promise once you break down the walls,
It'll be worth the fall,

I just want someone to stay and try,
To fix the broken pieces I try to hide,
Be there for me, in a way my friends can't be,
But no one wants to stick around for the real me.

I wish I could explain  
What it is that hurts
When I’m alone  
When I’m on the outskirts

I don’t belong
Next to them
They’re all too good
And I don’t belong next to ‘em

But I smile and stay
Pretend I’m okay
When really I’m
having a bad day

But they can’t see
The pain I hide
The way I’m dying
Slowly inside

And I won’t tell them
Then I would only be a bother
Just like I was
Was to my father

I don’t understand
Why I’m sad
Maybe it’s because  
I’m hiding my mad

I’ll never know
Why they split
I guess its ‘cause
I was a misfit

But I’ll never understand
Why they quit  
It hurt a lot
I’ll admit

But they don’t care  
They never will
They wouldn’t care
If I was killed

But in this group
Where I sit
They say they care
When I want to quit

I don’t know why
They’re here for me
Because all I bring
Is misery

But they’re still here
To show me love
To say they care
No matter how far away I shove

It’s amazing how
They care so much
When we’ve never met
Touch to touch

Maybe one day
I’ll see them really
And then I’ll say
That we’re silly

Because so long  
We’ve shown care
To each other  
Together we’ll stay, I declare

One small thought
Still remains
In my head
It causes pains  

That one thing
Is repeated
All it says “You should be deleted.”
Everyday, it leaves me defeated

Because it means
I do not fit  
In this group
Where I sit  

Today is my last day
Because I quit
In this life
So today I commit

My one last note
Says goodbye
To all my friends
They probably won’t cry  

And that’s okay
I say, but I lie
It’s just a confimation
That I should die

And soon I do
As I visit the bridge
A tear slips past  
As I jump from the ridge

One last thought
plays in my mind  
‘You stupid girl,
They were being kind.’