i had no idea how heavy
the heart can be
when it clings
to a dream long gone.

i didn’t need reminding
of how selfish i’ve been.
i stayed away
to find clarity, space—
and who i was meant to be.

my roots are still fixed in the dark.

but i know now
what it’s like
reaching through the clouds,
and being crowned by the sun.

with my first chip in hand.
after thirty days,
i’m ready to speak again,
and let love back into my heart.

i poured half a grand
down the sink,
watched the bottles bleed
their amber and ruby
in the drain.
a sacrifice —
a promise
after a thousand lies
dressed in shame.

my world hears detox:
lemon water,
fizzy drinks.
not my veins
beating to break free,
clawing closer
to a single drop.

my husband says
i’m not what i think i am —
because i can stop.

as if stopping
wasn’t a war every night,
prayers whispered to a god
i’m yet to find.

but there’s a circle
where i can admit:
hi.
i’m an alcoholic.

in the half-light
their voices don’t press me
for whys,
or ask when i slip.
they don’t judge
when i wake again
struggling to hold
my coffee,
hands shaking.

i swore not to give it
any more room.
but i still speak of it,
and carry its shadow
to my secret crowd.

no one should be alone
when entering the fight.

When I was young no one said stop this aint for teens
It was fun then when it was in
But not when you want out
And the behavior is no longer funny
Hot then, Not now,
Cool then, Mild sound
Heart beat pounds now
No where to turn now
But stop wait you got this
Its 14 days you ain't miss
You didn't miss the alarm
'Cause you didn't oversleep
Snores so loud cause liquor got you deep
Sunday dinners now prep and ready
Minds a bit clear, steps are steady
Meds are working, it has no counter part
I think this is the beginning, where you start
Water has flushed you well
Your organs have seemed to meet their bail
I didn't know then what I know now
But if you told me then I still would probably frown
Would probably not listen nor put my liquor, shot, or chaser down
There's a reason the limit is 21 and not 18
Here's to starting when I did
and finishing when I do
Mostly to day 14

One of them is hoping
The other one is moping.

The one that isn’t moping
Wishes they were coping.

The perfect response..

Somebody could be a natural at many things
Like singing or dancing or drawing things
Other people are great at writing things
And I'm good at poetry

I naturally write in verse,
Poetic as I think,
I've even been caught mumbling
Words without any ink.

I'm a natural poet
(and most don't even know it)

I can still see you and your Crowne Royal sitting on your throne after drowning in the tequila sunrise you left behind yesterday morning
You are my home, you are my salvation
You are my hell, you are my damnation
And I realize I can’t heal you.

It’s March now and you’ve been drowning in your sorrow for ten months, praying she can keep you from reaching the bottom of your bottle
She is your home, she is your salvation
She is your hell, she is your damnation
And she realizes she can’t heal you.

She isn’t like the woman you’re used to
She doesn’t have that plump, patient, strawberry smile and wide eyes with a wolf howl in her throat
She doesn’t have that serenity and solitude, walking out of the kitchen with Tennessee whiskey and dried up roux on her apron towards her white Pickett fence, reminiscing on the days when the walls were made of barb wire

She doesn’t have her freedom when she roams, barefoot in nothing but your long ***** flannel as she calls the babies in for supper, kicking up red Georgia clay towards the Milky Way sky

But she’s a somebody
She’s a somebody with her long, fake eyelashes curled up towards the ceiling and her plumped up lips with a price tag on her Cupid’s bow

She’s a somebody who’s hair falls flat in the morning, and even though she doesn’t know what it’s like to pull twigs out of her curls when she wakes up after dancing around with you in the barn at three o clock, laughing in whispers so her babies don’t hear her

I love her

And I hope that she at least believes she can heal you
And I hope that I at least believe she can heal you
And I hope that one day, you reach your hands up to heaven and remember what it’s like to hold the heart of God on a Sunday morning, and be forgiven

And I hope that you’ll believe that he can heal you
Because he is our home, he is our salvation
He is our hell, he is our damnation
And one day, I know he will heal you.

Two eyes in the mirror, looking back at me,
Forcing me to peer beyond what the eyes refuses to see.

Begging me to acknowledge what I’ve tried so hard to hide,
So it’s times to be brave and address the little girl inside.

It’s okay to be afraid, I know what you’re going through,
You don’t have to feel alone, I’ll take this journey with you.

I’m sorry for all the neglected cries you have tried to express,
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve ignored you, thinking that I know what’s best.

Forgive me for all the times when I’ve avoided you,
It’s just that acknowledging you is something I’ve tried hard not to do.

Forgive me for all the times I’ve refused to hold your hand,
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve left you sinking in quick sand.

You deserve to be loved and yet I just left you alone,
Please forgive me for abandoning you to survive on your own.

Forgive me for not showing you how to demand what you are worth,
I should have taught you about your value, you’ve been a queen since birth.

You are loved
You are worthy
You deserve more
You’re are not to blame
You can do it
You are important
You are beautiful
You make a difference
You are valued
You matter
You are resilient
You are enough