I need to stop thinking
You can save me
I am so mad at myself
For thinking you could
For so **** long
I realize life isn't about being saved
Or saving another
Just love and maybe be loved in return
Because all I really need
Is someone to kiss my knuckles
After I create a hole in the wall

"Do you miss me?"
No
No, I do not
I do not miss the lingering saliva on my neck
The cracking skin on your lips
Your hands
My hands
Reaching
Screaming , crying, shaking
The stray hairs below your brows
Untamed, you must be
Breathing heavily
Alright I miss you
I ******* miss the pain you brought
Because pain was something
And I normally don't feel much

I lose myself sometimes
In the alcohol
And the girls
Their wet lips
Their hands grabbing at me
Begging for me
I lose myself in those moments
But then I find myself again
In your eyes
In your nail beds and earlobes
In you

To me
Your lips are oxygen
Your eyes
They are streetlights on my walk home
After drinking all night
Do I love you enough after all I've been through?
The love and the loss
Your hands
Are knives
Sharper
Than your words
As they hold me
They hurt me
But they make me feel so much

I feel like I am
Many different people
At many different times
And right now
I am someone who
Wants to hurt others
And not give a ****
About the consequences

I don't dream about you
You always say
"I dreamt of you again"
And I can never say the same
Because you are never on my mind
And I am so sorry
She is always on my mind
You are just here
And she is not

Its as if there is a vice grip
On my heart
And every time you kiss me
It squeezes me harder and harder
I feel stuck and safe
You're constantly there
Around my heart
And you know the power you hold
You know I am
As needy as an infant
As a senile old woman
As a *******
I need you to constantly tell me
"I love you I love you"
So I know you won't leave me
And if you do
I can hold that against you
That you love me
And my constant needing pushes you away
And I am just sorry that I am like this

Line by line
I dissect you
Embrace your mind
Pick at your soul
Your dark past
Your changing present
Your beautiful flaws
Your regrets
I am trying to learn
Each crevice of your eye lid
Each stretch mark on your side
Every freckle and bump
And current bruise
And when I think I know it all
That's not possible
I'll never know enough about you