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You want to be a child again
to jump above rainbow puddles
and stuff your mouth with pies

You want so much
to retrace your steps
back when it was as small
as the hope you have now

You want to be a child again
not because you'd rather be oblivious
not because you'd rather break legs than
your mind
not because of anything
except just be who you are
all you are
back before the world started
changing you
The undead autumn must
Have heard me shedding spring
This is a self-imposed revelation
The season of loss.

I walk along the fiery living
Cold as the blizzard I go
Staring up the horizons
The big questions reach mute

The undead autumn must
Have heard me shedding spring
This is the call to my slumber
The season has changed.

I feel like a decaying leaf
Anxious for the autumn
To sway me to the tangerine littered ground
Leting solemn winter blanket my smallness

The undead autumn must
Have heard me shedding spring
This is loneliness bearing my name
The season of gray.

The December breeze is my friend
Fluting me to nature's lips
Like a chord struck out of the blue
A disarray, a tragedy

The undead autumn must
Have heard me shedding spring
This is where I've come to disappear
The sunless season.
I always need to hurt myself before I can write
carnal scattering of
root and banished leaf,

merely human, the day
spreads maple leaves
like dark gusts of wind.
i.


monet's passion written in
whispering tears.
the still lake smoulders
in ripples, all shadows and smoke.

a dragonfly presses the air
into whir, memories in my
pocket saddled to fire.


ii.


the air murmurs with death-shouts.

is this to sink, deep in a dungeon
of opulent blue

or to shimmer, iridescent
like a moon-lamp, empress
of ocean green and river blue
beyond the stilling light.


iii.


this is a bed of decadence
drowned moment of golden fire
in the sipped leaves that trumpet
to the clouds, that this is their day to
die.


iv.


water lily, white light of the pond
following the drowning dark,
flower of drifting quiet,
flower of dream.


v.


root treading past
the stillness of dusk,
utter existence,
daughter of the moon,
daughter of the silence.
I know nothing of calm here
I worship entropy in the dark-
and everyone knows i'm full of it

full of missing you
and your bittersweet smile
and im so into it

full of bones aching and shaking during the night and
intensely adoring you
so intense that
my hands shake whenever i try to hole someone else
with fear of loving another

even the skies know it
they pour and pour
but nothing, nothing at all
beats the feeling of missing you and adoring you both so fiercely
so saturated with our rainstorms
tenderness
that i wonder how we haven't drowned out yet

I guess thats what missing you felt like-
a storm that could hold it all

(a.m)
lil poem from a while back
 Aug 2015 Suzy Hazelwood
Alexis
Salty tears
****** tears
******* tears
Dead tears
Heartbreak tears
Please come back tears
Tell me you're not gone tears
Why aren't you here anymore tears
It's too dark here tears
I can't find the words anymore tears
My mind is numb tears
I couldn't save you tears
Suffering tears
Please hold me tears
You're not coming back tears
Love is my wings, air is my heart.
From a twig I shall emerge.
For true love awaits,
For the one who true loves me.
If only you will whisper,
Your breath into my heart.
I will shout to the world your name.
Then the winds will carry us,
To peace and a better place.
If only you could open me, in that moment you will see, this wisdom deep inside of we.
Some people will come into your life as a good luck charm, while others are like a bad penny spending your emotions. - Wade Lancaster #quote
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