I wish you were someone I could read—
I wish I could know if you really love me.


I wish your voice was something I could understand.

Your way of speaking seems so soft at times—
You have a rich baritone that encompasses so many mysteries.

I wish your eyes were something I could read.

The way you look at me is like no other—
But I’m too afraid to look back.

I wish your voice was something I could understand.


When you sing to me,
The notes and melodies interlace in a ribbony flow—
Almost like that of caramel.

When I lay my head on your chest,
I can feel the vibrations from your vocal cords as you speak.


I wish your voice was something I could see.


Disguised in flowing silk—
Your voice can feel like a ploy.

I wish my contempt


Was something you could see.

you’re gone




and i’m back to feeling



bad



        again.

I’m too scared to trust you.

Too scared to trust anyone.


Should I have broken up with you?

No, I love you.


Or maybe I’m just so desperate that the feeling is disguised as love.

(Let’s be desperate together)

I’m so tired


So sick and tired
Of feelings


That I feel nothing.



I wish you could understand
That my fatigue isn’t only physical.


I want to feel the joy of love
The ease of life.

I want to flow and not strain and crack when I dance.

I want to sing for thousands,
Maybe millions

And let them hear my heartfelt screams.

I want to wear whatever the hell I want,

Without being judged.




Can’t you see?

I want to be free.


Why can’t the world


Just let me be?

And I see it.

I see it now.


I was right
I was right
I was right
I was right.



All my love







Was a lie.

when i look you in the eyes


i

        j ust

wa.   nt to


di.    E.


not because i dont

l ov



          e you.


but becaus

e



         my lov

E

        
shared

with you


doesn’t seem



R                 E               A                  L.

cover me in the shade of a thousand roses…
make me shine
like that of a million crystals.
coat me
in the salvation of all hope ever felt.

drown me
in the light of distant suns.
entice me
like the mystery of the many moons in this universe.

ask me all the questions any curious child has ever asked,
and my answer to all of them
will be my love for you.

show me
the luminescence
of all the light on this earth.



a new dimension has
transcended all others that have existed previously,



since you fell in love with me.

And alas!
The horrid demon has fallen!
And who was the one to slay it?
None other than your own head!

Alas!
You have pulled yourself out of this nightmare and inserted yourself into a new one!
Only in this new nightmare, you cannot die.
Only cry.

While the concept of reality slowly fades into being questionable,
Your screams are the only thing you can hear.

Once everything fades into the background,
A few objects remain.

The shackles on your hands and feet,
And the cloth gag that is bound to your head with a chain—
Like a cursed child’s headband.

The gag seems to press further into your mouth each time you cry,
Slowly sinking down into your throat.

It softly brushes against the opening of your esophagus,
And your reflexes kick in.

You choke,
Your eyes bulging out in terror,
The veins on your face becoming a fiercer blue.
Your cheeks flush,
And a hot,
Miserable bead of sweat trickles down your forehead as you struggle.

Further,
Further.

You sink into eternal madness.

Then,
Someone walks into the nonexistent room.

They have a syringe—
The metal needle shining brightly,
Even though there’s no source of light.



And they walk closer.



And then the needle is a spoon,
And the man is your father.

It’s just your father
Feeding you medicine.

You just fainted.
You know the drill.

The dark room was just the bathroom light turned off.

Same old, same old.

The chains are your leggings at your feet,
Because you couldn’t change out of your clothes completely.

The gag
Was just a suppressed scream before you fainted.


This whole thing



Was just a dream.