you offer yourself
to me
and as tempting
as it may seem
i balk
at the suggestion.

***** infested words
spew from my fingertips
having been dug
deep
from within my soul
the whiskey
loosens my thoughts
giving false bravado
to what i feel
must be said
there's no love here
none that's lost
the pit of loneliness
broadens
the tender caress
of drunkenness
offers warmth
and companionship
to a once vacant
heart
and i'll swim
in a sea of intoxication
kept afloat
by an imagined life vest
provided
by an alcohol soaked
mind.

high
then low
the confusing theory
in my mind
of what is
jumbled thoughts
of happiness
randomly pricked
with pain
and the desperate fight
with the darkness
that has vowed
to take over.

the once familiar
is no more
stumbling through
days
of unevenness
tripping over
invisible curbs
and taking a wild ride
on steady ground
the obvious
is unrecognizable
the comfortable
is foreign
the start of each day
presents new obstacles
and i feel like a new born
wet
soft
pliable
not the hardened shell
i've grown used to
this newness
i can't absorb
but i will try
and i will start over
each new day
embracing the obstacles
that offer me
new hope.

lovers pop up
in spring
like the many
blossoming flowers
fresh faces
filled with hope
fertilization
is eminent
hungry leaves
open and accept
the offering
of consumption
the continuation of life
is evident
by the planting
of the seed.

feeling alone
in a world
filled with greens
and blues
distant seas
beckon me
the wind tossed
branches of trees
whisper gently to me
i yearn
for the comforting arms
of a positive world
but my heart cries
in vain
any response
is silenced
and the suffocating aloneness
proves inescapable
as the days
drip by.

desperation
breeds
nothing

aloofness
breaks
hearts.