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Maybe i should stop
Giving myself another year
I’ve been trying for three years
And thought i was getting better
I am getting worse
I could still hear death
There’s still no happiness
Perhaps I should end this
So I wouldn’t be stuck in this maze
I can’t win anyway

I still feel empty
One word and I’m back at it
I can’t cry anymore
I wanna scream at them
For not seeing through me
How many more years should I pretend
How many more years should i suffer
How many more years should i fake it
How many more years should i tell myself
Just one more year
Let’s end this here
All i can remember
From my teenage years
Is that i was always angry
I was angry for being alive
I was angry at this world
I was angry for no reason
I was angry at myself
I was angry because of my parents
I was angry for being stuck at my parents’ house
I was angry for wasting so much time being angry
I was just angry all the time
Nothing was memorable
Now I am angry for reaching this age
And not learning about life
I am angry for remembering
My teenage years
You combed my hair
Tied it in a perfect ponytail
Prepared my lunchbox
Like a perfect mother
You’d say
You were so proud of me
And you’re happy
To see me
Everytime you’re  sober
But when you’re high
I could see anguish
I grew up with it
No matter how sober you are
On some days
I still can’t  forgive you
For telling me
You regret having me
It still pains me
Mother
We tell our problems
To our closest, dearest friends
Til it becomes a habit
And it’s only you
Who can feel the sun on your face
It doesn’t rain anymore
And there’s no pain in your chest
When it’s your turn

We always believed
That the most painful words
Feelings and moments
Are cast away
When we share them
To our closest, dearest ones
Leaving them
In a dead end
Because we think
We deserve to be heard
But never the ones
To be the bearer
Of sad stories
You live in places
You thought you belong
You feel hope and joy
Then one day
You don’t feel it anymore
You don’t belong anywhere
In the past
You wished the sun never set
But now
Most days
You wish the sun would never rise
I went to a high school reunion party
Saw this girl who used to be so famous among guys
And saw this guy who used to be bullied for his hair
I also saw some old friends
One works at a publishing house
She swears she's quitting the next day
The other works at a resto
And complains about her customers
I am succesful (?)
As what they say
Because I have a job
And I seem to not have any complains
After some good glass of wine
I felt like I went to the wrong reunion party
I don't know anyone
Maybe it was the wine
As I don't drink unless it's water
My old friends aren't talking to me
I went to the door
Ready to leave the room
Bumped into people
I really went to the wrong party
Because I made these all up in my head
While reading the invitation by mail
I don't go to parties
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