**** Don't look so surprised **** **** **** The words you say A dozen times a day Surprises you When the fall out of my mouth Staining my lips Dark red
Disbelief This isn't anything you have done I have a dark conscience I'm not only Good and Kind Loving Gentle and sweet Nice Polite and confined
**** The word you barely notice Explodes When it comes from me Try shove it back Down my throat With disappointment Heavy In your eyes Did I ever Do that to you?
Cover my eyes Don't let me see The things I already have Try protect me Save my innocence My fragility It's too late I still breathe And I will Utter Every word Into the softness Of my pillow If I have to
You say I'm being difficult Was being nice Too easy for you What you expected Too easy to be shattered
You thought That only whiteness Was me I'm sorry For not being sorry Anymore
we are all humans with blood red minds swirling hearts beating like thunder and words stumbling
(at least that's what we all should be)
but we keep forgetting and we move our sites over to someone else and we press the red button we were told never to or pull the trigger without seeing where the bullet is about to go
let me hold your hand and caress your wrist barely with my fingertips
look me in the eyes and look away
i wish it was guilt but guilt isn't the synonym for shame and shame is beige and unrelenting it's never halting because it's only your conscience you know
and the cold is creeping in between the spaces of the window and the sky cloaked in the shadows of silver clouds against a black that's darker than it should be
i wish there was a stamp that stamped out dark words that were sad and beautiful onto white pages that were naive and empty
my fingers move across the letters feel the ridges and the spaces between the slightly rounded squares
q a s p y u e i o c f d
the keys don't make the words i want them to or say the things i mean them to
g j o d f p f s f w e d k f j o g ?
i want to write the most important sentence to have ever slipped out of my fingertips but my mind keeps on stuttering and the clock on the wall downstairs keeps on ticking
p o h j l d e m y u i
i am a history book that's almost twenty one years old and i feel like i hold a thousand empty pages ready to disintegrate with the next farewell
o p h k l o m n y r i c d
the shadows of my thoughts fill the spaces in my mind and make my heart jump at the clarity fleeting and i wish i could write fast enough to catch the words i want to fold and press to your warm heart but then i would be as perfect as you think i am and a lie
g n o b m h l o w t
i am afraid of your eyes and the way your smile has begun to hesitate
forgive me if i am wrong and if i leave before you can say goodbye
There was once a boy who was so in love with a girl that he forgot her. He forgot her eyes Glittering like the sea And her lips Curved like a scarlet bow
The freckles across her nose And her arms He forgot the shapes of each one- The constellations that they made
Her scent Her skin against his So smooth that it felt like nothing Her cool hands That burnt her in summer
He forgot the way to felt to hold her In his arms Pressed to his chest The way he voice sounded In the morning At noon In the evening The fluidity of her laugh The sadness in the way she held his hand And the change in her heart beat Against his fingertips
He loved her so much That he forgot her
He stares at me Across the room Save me Save me He shoves words down his throat Until he can’t see And he covers his eyes Until he can’t breathe
these are all lies wrapped into gold and dipped in the light of the moon
take some wine a tumble across the bed sheets with another until it feels better until it feels like you can understand it fully though it's really just an illusion that falls like a shadow cool across my skin in the summer
moving in the wind that keeps changing direction like my opinion