There was a man
A young man
An old man
Who once swore to her
That he would love her for all eternity
Forever
He would say
Over and over

He would watch her
Dressed in scarlet
From across a milling room
And smile
Murmuring
How lovely
Capturing her hand
He would trace the bones beneath her skin
Binding them
In the garden beneath the tree
Weeping at innocence
Lost

Petals falling over his shoulder
Into her hair
He swore
Again and Again
Forever
With not a word spoken before

Shadow
And light
Dancing
He could hear the echoes
Of his deceit
All she could hear
Was honesty

what makes my love
so unutterable
and your want
so un-doable?

let me just chop down
another tree

swinging
with my axe
i will ignore
the earth's cry
to write a story
of my own
it's only fair

he says
but it's not
and i wish that he would start
to care

I can't find the words
To describe what you have done to me,
But you have broken me
And I feel like a ruined
Page
In every unending love story

he was like a suicide
falling apart
at my wrist

have you ever been
so indecisive
that your entire body has ached
like the torn pages
you keep mounted
in every diary
with every question's
billion answers?

you keep saying
that the colour
of loneliness
is blue

and that the opposite
must be orange

if this is true
i want to be
lonely forever
with you

because blue
darling
is my favourite colour

the whole world
was held
in a palm

and scattered
across the edge
of the ocean

it shattered
when the rain
met the sun
and the fire
died
consumed
by the love

of the clouds

This is my train
I'm leaving, and I don't know
Where to

Catch my hand
In your own
The only word I know
Is goodbye

Eyes locking into mine
I used to think
I would never look away

But now I do
And the world moves past
Like the fluttering of pages
in the wind
A book left under the tree
With the smallest heart
The one you drew
While you were watching me

And I don't cross it out
As I follow the map
Of the stars
Whose constellations
Once echoed
On your cool skin

I end up
In a place where I can lie still
Underneath the grey rain
And close my eyes
Sinking into
Perfect
Nothingness
And the shadows
I see

Darling,
There's nothing as beautiful
As the questions
Forming in their echo
With no answer

If I were to
Write about you
Every night
For one hundred and thirty three
Dark stained
Skies

Would all the stars align
(we can pretend
that we're fatalists
when the moon
reaches our fingertips)
and our eyes
To each others'
Simultaneously?

If I were to write about you
And your eyes and the way
Your smile forms
Would it stay that way
Forever?

If I were to write
Now
And Tomorrow
About the pattern
The sound of your voice
Makes
In my heart
Would I be able to stay alive
Indefinitely
(still)?

And if I were to write about you
Again and again
Until my fingertips
Were laden
And saturated
Black and blue
From bruises
And ink
Would you still
Want to kiss them?

he wrote words that quarreled
with everyone else's

he wrote words
that were more than poetry
more than the falling sky

he wrote words
that were more
than anything
the All had read
or written

until he
himself
could think no more
until he couldn't read
or dream or breathe
smile or live
he couldn't even die

so he just wrote
and wept
at the saddest sun
until the sky
eventually broke
and all the grayness
it contained fell

and he was swept
away
by a billion incorrect defintions

let me hold your hand
and caress your wrist
barely
with my fingertips

look me in the eyes
and look away

i wish it was guilt
but guilt
isn't the synonym
for shame
and shame
is beige
and unrelenting
it's never halting
because
it's only
your conscience
you know

so move your hand
israel
and palestine

it seems to be so easy
to press
the red button

why then,
is the aftermath
so ******* hard

don't let me become the girl
you ponder upon

if i thought
the world was better
if i thought
life was easier
if i thought
death was further
if i thought
love was painless
if i thought
all lies were the truth
if i thought
you were the One
if i thought
you were still here
if i thought
nothing of fear
if i thought
bravery was an asset
if i thought
books were books
and not air
if i thought
you still missed me
if i thought
everything
was only what you think
everything
is
if i thought
i was just a fancy
graze
like everyone else
if i thought
the sea
was an ocean
and not my love
and that the moon
was only a planet

i wouldn't be
writing
poetry

there was a man
who swore
to be searching
for a god

he searched the sky
and found only clouds
and stars
and the sun
moving
further and closer
until his eyes
became
scarred glass

he searched the sea
counted over a billion waves
or one
that kept forming
on the same shore
and felt the fish
slip through his fingers
like the water they breathed
salty
on his tongue

he searched the forests
and read the letters
the bareness of winter
and the green of summer
wrote to the clouds
before every storm
and felt the fur
warm his fingers
like the gold
falling from the shadows
he swept away

he searched the desert
for the elusive
and found water
in the blue expanse
staining the horizon
(the sky must be a part
of the desert
if it's above it)
and felt the hiss
of time racing
pierce into the place between his thumb
and his hand

he searched the rivers
of every continent
diving deep
walking through
the sapphire
the grey
the brown
collecting water lilies
that smelled like the sea
in spring
and whispered secrets
like the wind

he searched the roads
and found the cities
connected by the smooth
tar
by crouching
and running his hand along it
writing messages
in the dust
and the snow
and the sunlight
for every blind man
to 'see'

he searched the cities
and found people
with staring eyes
blank eyes
cold eyes
empty eyes
eyes filling
with tears
or happiness
that looked up
or down
(never in front
or behind)
wearing colours
underneath the boxes
they were in
and in the end
he searched the libraries
for books
but found words
instead

You spread across my skin
Like a bruise
Shadows
Falling
Through the crack
In the windowpane

Stop using your words
To make me weep, my love

You make it
Too easy
And to difficult
To breathe
And love
All at once

he watched the sun
the way she watched the moon

grey sadness
longing for
warmth
to heat his skin

pale golden clarity
missing the greyness
cool
across her skin

won't you stay
he would whisper
watching the sunset
won't you hasten
she would murmur
watching the sunset

i wish you would leave
he would
tell the moon
never leave me
she would
implore the night

then one day
as the moon
bathed in the pale
flickering sunlight
he stumbled across
a sleeping figure
and she was awaken
by man's clumsiness

i'm so sorry
he said
i forgive you
she said
voices
mixing in unison
the sunlight
the moon
hovered together
for a second
before they fell apart

footsteps
receding
leaving
left and right
forever
will never be the same again

it would be easier
if i had one favourite colour
but i don't
i have seven

it would be easier
if i could put
mixed flowers
and colours
in my house
but i can't
i only want one type
at a time

it would be easier
if i had a favourite
type of tea
but i like them most
at different times

it would be easier
if i could finish
more than a glass of wine
before my head
starts to become fuzzy
but i can barely drink half
i hope it's just the size of the glass

it would be easier
if what i said
were always true
and my mind
would never change
but it always does
leaving a messy pile
of what looks like masks
and broken hearts
behind me

it would be easier
if i could fall in love
with more than just him
but i can't
unless you count the sky
and the ocean

it would be easier
if i could concentrate
through a whole film
or listen to exactly
what you're saying
when you're gossiping
but the night sky in the window
and that crack
in the wall behind you
looks so much more interesting

it would be easier
if i was okay
when you mixed my foods
and if i couldn't imagine
the dna of ones' past
conciousness
staining my pots and pans
but i'm not
and i always do

i found your voice
in a song
and you wrapped me
around your wrist

you place kisses
in the sky
and watch the ocean drown
the rest of the world
with its
salty love

rain down
on an entirety
and float away
on a cloud
and glimmer
on the dust
coating the chair
i can't bring myself
to sit on

you looking at me
the way i wish you would look
at her
your eyes
sweet and peaceful
please look away

your fingers
sought out reasons
to feel mine
to touch
my skin
and you tell me
all the things
a girl
wants to hear

please don't love me
the way you think you should
the way you think i should be loved
my heart has a wall
when it comes to you
and all the others
that aren't him
and i can't
love you back

this will only end badly
the more you come to see me
the more you whisper
what you feel
i don't want someone to need me
or laugh
at the stories i tell
that aren't funny

i don't want to be so apart of someone
that i can see myself
a reflection
on their lips
when they smile

you think i will bring you happiness
and safety
but i can't
bring those things to you
please don't love me

you are not him
and i am not her

i fell in love
one night

in April
i think

with the illusion
your words painted

on the skin
of my closed eyes

I loved love
Instead of you
When I was younger

Is this not all
We can do?

I have helped to taint
And destroy
The word
That should never even
Be uttered

It's definition
Should have existed
Been screamed out
Been whispered
Through our touch
Through our eyes
And not mumbled
As our clothes fell off
With the skilled recklessness
Of each others' hands

The illusion of love
Was created
That very night
And I longed
The way you did
Every night after

How I wish
I had never loved love
And whispered it to you
For It to hear
How I wish
I had instead loved you

the only
occasional
fault
with reading
is that you become
so tainted
with the characters'
experiences
that they might
as well
had happened to you
and by god
when you read
a person's
definition
of too many
it really can
become
too much

it's just a flame
playing at my feet

smoke curling
around my ankles

the lace
is the first to change
into the guileless grey
it's hard
for him to look away

orange
grey
red
wisps
and fingers
wrapping around my calves
to my thighs
consuming
me
stripping
me

burning
against the tree
his hands
once held me to
wishing
i could move
i should have left sooner

all the watches
and all the clocks
fall at his heavy feet
his eyes
like the ocean
blue
and still
drift
in the shadows

please drown me

how do you
change
in one day

the old  man
asked
with a frown

it has to be
a special day
said the little girl
it has to fall
on the third
or the seventh
or the tenth
or the thirteenth
or any of these
numbers
added
together

the old man
glared
at the sun
and walked away
because
he couldn't add
and didn't have
a calender
anyway

mist
around my ankles
carried by the wind
falling with the leaves

I am drowning
in the cool
beauty

watching a white sky
how can you say
it's empty
calling it your fading soul

I hear cracking leaves
beneath your heavy feet
see the world
resting on the shoulders
over me
the words your murmur
warm
into my tumbling hair
do not belong
to me

catching your haunted
eyes
vulnerable
you make me look at you
when you turn away

I smell the earth
and green on your smooth skin
feel you wanting me
your hands moving further and further
away from my mind
closer to my heart
just below

I see
the end
your dark hair against the full sky
eyes closed
my fingers trace letters
over old trees

a hundred still bodies
on the floor
wooden
cracking
haunting me
with the ghosts
they leave behind

a powdery smudge
like a shadow
a fingerprint
pressing onto my eyes
seeping
with charcoal
into my mind

i open my window
to the night
i shut my window
to the night

i am unsure of which
one
i should do

should i let them
in
to see
to feel
the light
that they so long for
ending their lives
in quick ecstasy
their hearts shuddering
the way their wings
shiver
in its glow

or should i lock them out
keep them
in the ink of night
to long for
the thing they will always want?

He uses his numb fingers
To scrape away
The icy soil

Grayness fills his eyes
Blank, unstaring
A moment of clashing sky
Clarity
Makes his mind melt
Making breaking trails
Against the atlas
That once knew his smile

He lined his grave with the salt
Of his memories
And the blood
Of his slowing heart

Shame covered him
The way the sun covered the darkness
After every night
And he lay prone
Again and again
Towards the string
Holding up the Moon

Letters and words
Eventually fell from the sky
On top of him
Over him
Around him
Scattered by the winds of autumn
Summers goodbye
Carried by the swallows
Leaving him with a shadow of his own lies

i wish
the plucked
falling petals
of the daisies
in a pile
on my lap

were honest

'he loves you
he loves you not'

i would count them
each time

and start with the one
that would let
'he loves you'
come at the end

the idea of love
was infinity on the
slow moving hands
of a ticking watch
cool
on your wrist
it was once forever

the idea of love
used to be happiness
and pale white
golden sunlight
warming cheeks
hands interlocked
over and over

the idea of love
used to be everything
but it's nothing now
tainted
with not even sorrow

I am
Terrible
At this
And I wish
You would stop
Trying
To make me
Better

I will only
Disappoint you

it's hard to breathe
for her

the pen in her hand
is leaking
staining her fingertips
deep blue
becoming smeared
across the empty
page

the scratches
aren't forming
words
or even letters

and her tears
are becoming sobs
until she has to hold her mouth shut
with one hand
and her eyes
closed
with the others

blue
of her soul
a part of the ocean
mixing with the words
she wants to say
painting her
the way he did
in the stillness

glass jars
breaking
at her feet
with one sweep
dried flowers
run
with water
racing towards
the door
that will be shut
forever