It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

my muse is my sorrow,
if it did not exist i would not find beauty in the rain nor solace in my pain.
it'll always find different ways to manifest,
but at least it is safe to say
it is no longer my unwelcome guest.

I know that it's hard
You can feel the anger and frustration rising up from your core
unsure of whether it will seep out of your eyes or your lungs
You're not sure how to react
Do you tear down everything in sight
or do you crawl into bed for the rest of the week
letting yourself fall into darkness

The reality is, you'll do both
Some days you'll want to yell at the top of your lungs
You'll want to throw rocks at windows
rip all your pictures and throw them in the fire
And on other days you'll want to be left alone
in the warm comfort of your bed
with a box of tissues and the saddest music you can find

I know you don't understand why it had to be you
Why you had to be the one to feel so broken
Out of all the people in the world
What did you ever do to deserve this
You'll feel tempted to blame yourself
for the hurt caused by someone else

It's not your fault
It's not your responsibility to control their actions
The fact is, you can't change what happened
As much as you want to, you can't turn back time
What's done is done
Now you're left in the rubble
I know that that's not fair
Nothing seems fair enough

Everything will hurt
Getting up in the morning with a fake smile
Watching the people in your life so full of joy
Forcing yourself to do anything but wallow in pity
It's not easy
You need to give yourself more credit
I know that when you say you're doing okay
you probably aren't, and that's okay

It won't be okay for a while
I wish I could tell you it will but that's not true
It will **** today, tomorrow and the next day after that
You'll have happy days, but you won't be happy

You may not believe it or even want to hear this but
at some point, you'll wake up and it'll hurt a little less
At the end of the day, you are the person you're left with
You will learn how to let yourself feel better
because if you don't, who will?
You don't deserve to feel sad forever
You deserve the chance for happiness
You deserve it all

I’ve been holding on
just to see if maybe
you’d pull me out
on the other side
But I’m not strong
and I can’t hold up
my limp body
I can feel my hands
slipping off the edge
I’m falling now
I can feel the pain as
I wait to hit the ground
as I watch the light
turn to darkness
You watch me
You let me

How ironic it is
to want something so bad
that the moment you have a chance at it
it suddenly doesn’t mean half as much

It’s as if your purpose
stemmed from your yearning
and all you had to do was have it in reach
for everything to fall in place

So what do you do when
everything is still in pieces
The thing you were dreaming about
ends up different than your fantasies

You end up so focused on the finish line
that you don’t realize
that the path you neglected on the way
might make you happier

Maybe that’s the way we are
Constantly chasing after the next thing
to keep our hearts pumping double speed
Instead of finding the satisfaction
in stability

Or maybe this is me
getting exactly what I asked for
and realizing that I never wanted it
in the first place

Maybe I’m finally realizing
that I’m better off without you
That I can make myself happier
than you ever could
than you ever will

We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love

I realized
I must have lost
My spark
Along the way.
It's time to rekindle
That spark
That resides in my heart

But how?
With my dreams so far off from me
Right beyond my reach?
But I must be brave
And get up on my feet
And reach over the abyss
Of my longing
To take hold of
And manifest my desires

Adulthood squashes ambitions
Under it's steel toed boot of expectation
It pushed my worn and bruised body down into the dirt
But my spirit didn't die
My mind and heart and body were exhausted
But I still clawed at the soil beneath me
Making a tunnel to my freedom
Through the inky darkness
Barely breathing, every cell of me parched
Clinging onto the very last thread of my life
That beat steadily and quitely
In my heart

I've finally
Emerged
Caked in dirt
This place is unfamiliar,
Foreign
But I like it,
It's new
There aren't many people here
So not very much pressure
There is a lot of vibrant green leaves
Rustling in the crisp air
The sun is bright and yellow
The sky,
Baby blue
I think I could stay here for awhile
Without much to do
I'll curl up next to this rock
And rekindle my dreams
To once again
Light the fire in my heart
That once roared when I was a child
I'll forget the world
Of arbitrary expectations and rules
And drift off into my dreams
While my eyes delightfully scan
The canopy of trees.

If a picture’s worth a thousand words,
Then a window contains a library.
A window is set apart
From any canvas or oil painting.
You can see artistic scenes through a window,
Unlike most other art forms, which, of course, can be windows,
But they lack an outside,
A tangible and believable portal,
Sustaining the natural need of an environmental presence
Even within closed confines.
A student seated in a classroom with windows
Is more likely to gaze out a window
(Imagining escape, perhaps?)
Than to glance at even the best possible art around the interior space.
One purpose of art is escape,
And windows are a visual escape from where we are,
Luring us with the bait of what stares beyond.
Like all art, be a steward to windows,
Keep them clean and free from breath fogs.
Be grateful that a window
Gives you a view and protection from any disturbance
That may hinder your admiration.
Take advantage of a windows feature:
Open them up!
Feel the wind of the art on the other side!

Do you bleed when you write?
When your fingertips
get sore and your muscles
get tight
Do you bleed?
From your heart?
With each beat comes a new
line
and you hope that it sounds like something
that doesn't quite rhyme
But it sounds good in time.
It'll sound good in time.
Just keep writing.


Keep bleeding.