Were all creatures.
Born of complicated kaleidoscopic shapes.
Why am I sorry for not realizing how complicated it is..
How complicated it is to be the exact form of another.
There is only understanding, and I understand you.
I want you.
The full effect.
The all in awe.

What kind of electricity is pulsing in these chords, these veins of mine?
And why do all of  these bulbs turn on at the same time?
I confuse myself.
Frustration sets.
Reflexes malfunction.
Meltdown.
A ******* mental meltdown.

my burn has finally started healing
next time i'll not hold it on for so long
it still frightens me
it looks inhumane
(am i inhumane?)

i'm getting tired of glancing my arm away
when people look at me
and sweaters are tiring too

You were a substitute
For something I once had
A second - best replacement
To one whom I once loved

I took advantage of your affections
Your sincerity and love
And used it for my own selfish desires
To numb the pain in my heart

You were my perfect revenge to him
To show I've moved on
Because you were loving and gentle
Something he once were

At first, I felt triumphant
Yet empty as it all seems
You were never good enough
The same way he was to me.

You were the exact opposite
Devoted, faithful, and true
But I still wasn't satisfied
Because he wasn't you

And every time I held your hand
Or flirted back at you
All I can think about was him
And what he always used to do

Like when he'd whisper sweet nothings
You would shout it out to the world
He would hold me close and short
You'd prefer to never let me go

Yet why couldn't I
Belong to you like I did to him
Love you as much, even more
Than what I used to give

But his memories continues to haunt me
Though you were always there
And as I look at you
I always see him

I couldn't hurt you any longer
That would just be unfair
To keep comparing you to him
In every way I can

So, to finally end
I'm sorry, I never loved you
Or reciprocated your sincerity in any way
But I would not keep hold of you any longer.

As cliche as it may sound to you
I know it does to me
I'm sorry, just know it wasn't you
It has always been me.

I keep trying to quit you
And start over new
So time and time again I erase you from my life
But always come back because only you can solve all my strife
I tell myself life without you will be fine
But when my blood turns to alcohol, I need to call you mine
I want to find the we, we are destined to be
That’s why you still find your bed warm with me
But another side of me is scared to be all in
Afraid I’ll ruin us before we even begin
Will all my second guessing ever cease?
Will my brain and my heart ever make peace?
I don’t have the answers to pull me through
So I keep trying to find them all in you
Please, I beg you, do something to fix it
Don’t you have some kind of tool in your tool kit?
I like you too much to just let you go
Cause I'm your starry night and you’re my van gogh
There must be a reason we always come back to each other
And a reason for why I never look the same way at another
I think it’s because I know we’ll be great
Please tell me, my dear, I’m not too late

Down by the water you'd find her,
Humming a happy tune
Laughing with the wind and swinging from the trees
Dancing with the grass and painting pictures out of clouds
Wading into the water and making faces at the fish
The girl no one could ever figure out
And the one whose smile made it all okay
Until the world anchored her
Vibrant colors to pale grays
Loud laughter silenced
Wild hair tamed
Down by the water it’s empty now
No longer a sight to see
Vacant of the free spirit that once lived in me