It was the sort of day
that equates to the last day
December **** it
why is it sixty and humid enough to swim circles through the air?
yet the grey mist suffocates the horizon
and the light mist tastes like a city
the cat standing on driveways of crumbling mansions
running with fur puffed up from wild dogs snarling at choke chain collars
The trees are all hiding their heads in the sand
and each building passed decays in decadence
everybody hungry enough to do something they might regret
men and women taking shelter in zoo enclosures
to avoid the jungle cats which stalk the streets beneath blood red hunters' moons
It was the kind of day to make me want to see the next

I’ve fallen in love with nothing -
The gentle absence fills me up
With meaningless meaning,
Coating my soul in a comforting
Lack of heat.

The hand I don’t feel can’t cause me pain -
Its ethereal knife cannot make me bleed
And the thrice-forgotten name
Cannot give me what I need;
I’ll bury this desire under reason and ice,
For I cannot bear to pay this price
Again.

She came in
out of the green
Because any other entrance
would be far too common and simple.
She came in at the perfect moment,
when I believed the world was dark,
to shine a little light for me
and keep a beacon on that distant horizon.
Keep it shining,
Guide me to you,
And someday we'll meet face to face,
And share that cup of tea,
where we can see the other's eyes
and know that it
simply has to be-
Fate.

Dad said i should get a life, and do what it means to be a man,
Instead of just dreaming and holding a spray can,
Whats life without expression?
I'm just a shell with no emotion,
He told me i need direction,

"Like hey, that job has good money" but comes with such a cost,
Id rather keep a flat wallet,
And how do you know you've found meaning in life when you've always seemed so lost,
I understand what i have in my hands, and i don't want to sound cliché like "man, I'm just a lost teen"
But we all think differently, and i don't want a life with routine,
Life at fifteen was so much easier,
Waiting for the evening end, to head out under the city lights,
From one place to another to end up some place else the next night.

I refuse to be defined
by a letter, or a grade
that belongs to a system
that, in turn, belongs to a government
that cannot even house its homeless
or protect its citizens
I will not be told
that i cannot be what i want
because my Maths grade was a D
or I didn't take the right subjects
I will not succumb
to the pressures of school
and the ever-increasing weight
that this country thrusts upon my shoulders
I'm 14 for heavens sake
how can i possibly decide
what I want to spend the rest of my miserable life
partaking in for minimum wage?
I would rather be a hermit
and live in the forests, like in my favourite books
away from the corrupt people
dictating my life without my consent
We are slaves to a system
that we do not understand.

I close my door
Reach for my blade
And begin the routine motions
That now feel meaningless
Like my black and white past

I still look for silly reasons
Any excuse
To justify my actions

Just to get a quick feeling
Of anything at all
Even if that means it will hurt
Because if I'm numb for much longer
I might just...

You wake up early already feeling an itch behind your eyes and at the base of your spine.
behind your throat. Sweating but **** - it's November and you had the window open. Four cups of coffee and seven cigarettes to start the day. A tip: if you put your hands in your pockets then nobody can see them shaking.
"You look hungry. Eat something."
force down a McMuffin or two at noon and a ham sandwich before work. Drive the car.
that night work is noise.  The shift ends with a paycheck.
Go withdraw thirty bucks. Find some *****.
"A guy's gotta cut loose."
a guy's gotta be cut off.
***** this ***** that
twisted up so tight. wound around the bend. coffee and the dashboard lights. Radiation.
three AM fumbling with the keys - alone under a street light at the bus stop
wake up to the tv playing infomercials. Shower. Now repeat.