One day it just stopped
The world that was spinning far too fast finally fell of its axis.
I woke up and I didn't feel like the world was collapsing in onto my shoulders.
I didnt want to rip my heart out of my chest.
But I didn't want to live.
It feels like I am drowning.
My lungs slowly filling up with water
I watch everyone else take a deep breath.
I can’t breathe. I can't breathe. I can’t breathe.
I am numb.
My eyes once vibrant seem dull.
Lifeless
There was nothing.
Going numb is not poetic.
I have to remember to make an attempt
I feel empty as if I made a bet with the devil and the devil won
My chest seems hollow.
It echo's with every heartbeat
I cannot bring myself to get up.
My mother pulls me out of bed
She asks me if I had taken my medications as if anti-depresents could save me from this emptiness inside
"They are what caused this"
She asks if I've cut recently.
I want to tell her that I would take the sensation of pain over nothingness every day.
I feel like a guest in my own home
A tourist in my own mu
Begging for anyone to help me escape the clutches of oblivion.
Nothing matters anymore.
There's just silence.

It's a nightmare
Being the burnt out
Shooting star
Replaced by the light
Of a full moon

It's a nightmare
Being hidden underneath
Clouds and overcast skies
Replaced by angel eyes
That makes you swoon

It's a nightmare
Being darkened
By nights that glow
Replaced by a shooting star
Brighter than you ever were

It's a nightmare
Being overshadowed
By dreams of the sun
Replaced by love,
Hope, joy, life... **with her

I believed in magic once
but I think it may have died
for I cant remember the last time
I looked into your eyes.

An artist by nature.
A beauty by heart.
A prisoner by mind…I’m falling apart.

What more can I do?
What more can I say?
I’m losing myself in a world gone astray.

No, wait.
That’s not right, the world’s not to blame.
It’s me who’s the problem.  
My soul’s ran away.

“Where are you?”
“Come back!”
“Don’t leave me like this!”
I say,
with tears in my eyes and a tightly clenched fist.

Spiraling spiraling spiraling down
….am I so far gone I can never be found?...

I want to escape, to break free from the chains
That have been holding me hostage since the day my dad walked away.
But with each passing year they get heavier and heavier.
I just want to be free of this hell-binding barrier!!!

Overwhelmed.
Insecure.
Worthless.
Tired.

I see the imperfections.
The weakness that has grown.  
I’m broken.  I’m breaking.  
…lost…
Waiting to be found.

What happened to the warrior I was once said to be?
There’s a cut on my foot, put there intentionally.

The scar,
The pain.
It was self inflicted.
Why am I constantly feeling so **** restricted?

That night I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t move for half an hour.
But I dragged myself up and reached into the shower.

The razor sliced hard.
The darkness had robbed me of all of my power.

I was defenseless against myself.
Weeping and cold.
Shaking with guilt of an act gone untold.

I lied,
Am still lying, about its very existence.  
Saying a pan fell and broke.
One of them old cooking dishes.

But I know why it’s there.
What happened that night.
I broke down.
I am scared.
Wound up in fright.

Who am I?
Who have I become?
Let me out!
Leave me be!
Darkness, you’ve won!
Now please,
RELEASE ME!

I’m lost, can’t you see?
I just want to be found.
The girl I once was?
She’s no longer around.

But I’m here.  
Way deep down.
Under all the dark mess.
Don’t stop looking for the girl.
The damsel in distress.

You said the right things
You flattered and charmed
Convinced and promised
Until I was disarmed

Your words were golden
They sparkled and shined
They shined so brightly
I must have gone blind

I invested myself
In the words you sold
But all that glitters
Is not gold

I've always heard
That talk is cheap
Well my words are diamonds
And yours are free

You don't mean what you say
You don't do what you mean
Your words are free
But they're costing me

Even though you're cut and hurt
Remember
Beautiful flowers
Are the ones people choose to cut
and keep

someday
i want you
to be able to look at me
and tell me
that i shine like the moon

because the moon
does a lovely job
of reflecting the greatness
of it's giver of light

and i would like to do the same