you must really be confused
one day you would say i love you
you were overprotective
and jealous
you were caring and kind in ways only i understood
and the next day
your looks were so deceiving
you wanted me all to yourself
but then there were times when i wasnt enough
i was more than you could handle actually
you made promises
you didnt keep
but this isnt about you
this is about me and how confused you made me feel
the thing about confusion
is you dont really know why you’re confused or where you’re confused at
all you know is there’s something missing and you can’t understand why
what i dont understand
is how you can say you love someone more
when you dont even know what more stands for
and thats where im confused
you didnt love me more
you barely loved me at all
more meant that you wouldve done anything
to be at gods end with me
not that now
i’d rather be the last person you’d want to be stuck on this planet with

how
how is it possible
to hate someone so much
you end up loving them
how
how is it possible
to love someone so much
you end up hating them
i’m having trouble trying to comprehend these results
and how one person
can bring so many feelings
whether they’re wanted or unwanted
it all ends up being so time consuming
maybe possibly
its my mind playing tricks again
maybe possibly
its me being too optimistic
i told myself
i would stop caring so much
quite possibly
this is me overthinking
this is me still caring
im sorry

i would come home from school
and ramble
about you
about my day
about you
about the homework i didnt plan on completing
about you some more
i got so used to rambling about you
other things stopped mattering
my favorite part of the day stopped being about the nap i constantly wanted to take
and it started to be about seeing you
talking to you
making you skip your classes to come sit during mine
and that’s what you were
mine
here i go
rambling about rambling about you

accept that you deserve more
than painful love
and forced conversations that are always late
to reply
stop settling for less because thats not what you are
you are not less than what you think
you are the sunshine that overpowers
those heavy clouds that make you dismal
stop the overthinking at 2am
that consume your thoughts
accept that you deserve more
than those who are undeserved
acceptance will help you to move forward
denial will cause you to pull backwards
and hope
that’ll keep you in the middle
once you accept your own self worth
everything else will fall into place
those clouds will be overpowered
by the sunshine that you are
acceptance is powerful
and means no harm
so give it a try and i promise you
life will fulfill you and there will be no more
fighting the negative
because there is nothing more negative than fighting
and you,
you deserve to be accepted more than anything in the entire world

you treat them like they
have a heart like yours
but not everyone can be
as pure and forgiving as you are
you don’t see the person they are
you see the person they once were
or the person they have potential to be
which is why you give
and give and give
until it starts wearing you down
they pull everything out of you
and leave you completely empty
when really,
you deserve to be so full
and not the type of full you feel
after a thanksgiving feast,
I’m talking about the full, you’ve lived up to
you should radiate
you should feel warm
you should sit tall and feel like you’re on top of the world
because you’ve given so much
so much good
to the world

four hundred and thirty
is the number of days we spent together
there were four hundred and thirty
memories made
day by day
every pure moment was spent with you
let me rephrase that
pure or in-pure
i was still with you, either way
we were in it to win it
i guess four hundred and thirty days
was enough for you
because
it definitely wasn’t the winning number either
wishing there were more days spent with you
is becoming exhausting
although exhausting doesn’t compare
to what i felt
for four hundred and thirty days

i hate my nickname
it reminds me of you
and it ***** really
because the people i care about most
call me by my nickname
a nickname that you didnt give me
but took with you
a nickname i’ll never be happy to be called again
because of you
because you over used it
just like the i love you’s
you never meant in the first place
a nickname is supposed to be of affection
between those in love
or those who share a close bond
why did i get so comfortable
with the way you used my nickname
it was supposed to be endearing
now its just a nickname
that i cant get rid of
thank you