If blue is a state of the human mind,
We are hued now in its deepest stain.

In my first and final year
Of higher education
At a party of familiarity
I did not aspire to find my limits
And yet
I exceeded them
And lay in a whirlwind,
At the night's close,
Which ****** the air from my lungs
As I forgot how to breathe

Avaricious sirens bore down and
Led me to water
Hooked into my veins
So I couldn't refuse to drink
And a doctor told me
That there were always better options
Than drinking myself away
Naturally,
I grinned and laughed
As if the very idea were preposterous
And yet, couldn't look him in the eyes
"Trust me,"
I assured the man
"That isn't the plan"

No,
The truth is I never had a plan
No grand scheme
To end my suffering
I just slowly taught myself
Not to to take care
To cut myself off
From my lifelines
So that when I did finally find my limit
I wouldn't have far to jump

...but, truthfully
I never wanted to jump
I wanted some calamitous wind
In the form of a stranger
To come along and push

Yet, against all odds
For reasons I cannot discern
I've found
Those who wander into my life
Don't push, but pull
Pull me down from that precipice
Sometimes on accident, or
With intent
Of saving a life
But no matter how grateful I am
To be held and reassured
I always find myself back
Overlooking the sea of my past mistakes
Ready to drown myself
In the towering waves of regret

I wish I could find life worth living
On my own
For myself
But, I find myself living for them
Those who hang on to me
Keeping me balanced
Keeping me
From finding my limits
And for now that's enough
That's enough

I once knew a woman that
could roll herself into a perfect ball.
She rolled all over town.
It didn't seem that unusual; sad,
but not strange.
Lots of people are all balled up.
I caught glimpses of her face.
It was often expressionless.
She had a flat affect.
Sometimes, she'd come out of her ball,
and smile.
She was gorgeous, educated, and
had a great sense of humor.
But when I'd get too close,
she'd get back into her ball
and roll away.

I cry
I laugh
Sometimes am forced to act like am okay
Even when things aren’t working my way

You refer to me as perfect
That you give me no space to cry
To me there is no chance of trying
I have to work like my life depends on it

Whenever I try to express my feelings
You say that am abnormal
You have forgotten that am human
And crying is just normal

You say that I have changed
Yeah that true
This is all because of this pain that you have inflicted in me
May be if you would have listened I would have been normal

Right now am indebted to the pain that you inflicted in me
Coz pain is like a loan
And no matter what I do I can never repay it
You’ve forgotten that am human
And crying is just normal