I just wanted to make you smile
Your eyes were sad
And your heart had a void
I wanted to fill you up
And give you the warmth
That I was searching for
But I ended up making you bleed
And I'm sorry
I just wanted to love you

reveries of sun-drenched prairies;
windswept under cottony clouds
golden-yellow in summery indolence

If I gave you my soul,
would you read each page?
Scribble notes of interest
and know me.
Would you take the time,
to help tape the seams?
Would you mend,
the fragility of my soul?
It tears and rips,
easily, emotionally.

i do not believe in god
but i do believe in poetry
and for me
maybe poetry is prayer
and the universe
is an unwavering ear
in the shape of a god

fear screams in my ears like an angry mother
poking through my skin until it reveals my bones
i am a lost soul, i am a lost soul,
i am just a lost and lonely soul aching to find a home
i have no one and no one has me
that used to make me feel at peace but now i'm just so lonely

so i dig my nails deeper into things that i think will satisfy me
but i'm left even emptier than when i've first come
the fountain has now gone
i am all alone

and the story
well
it goes on and on and on and on...

The twice slapped hand
Won’t reach again
For what can never be obtained
But curls into a useless fist
To pound against the forehead.
         ljm

Haunted
Even midnight dreams are shadowed by
The most humiliating failures
And the inability to cope
In areas where I formerly excelled.

Tormented
By my need to get it right
While watching myself get it wrong
And race in all directions
In the hope of fixing things.

Ridiculed
And made to answer for
The things I used to do so well
And now can’t do at all
While there’s no place to hide.

Waking
From another graphic vision of
My inability to do the things that I did best
That specter follows me into the day
Eliminating any hope of joy.

Crying
One more day begun with tears
And lack of understanding of
The reason for the torture
That my dreams inflict on me.

Thinking
Was I bad and evil in my youth
Has it come back to haunt me now
No, I do not think that’s it
I am my own worst enemy.
The one to blame is only me.
               ljm