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Feb 2021 · 61
.a still life.
now you know that the bird has died

and her wish was to preserve it somehow

that was yesterday

she had balanced it on a cotton reel, you know the old wooden ones with red thread.

this balancing thing

started years ago

in childhood, a game. later life a habit, a meditation.

she watched others, the artists balancing stones

copied , then balanced all sorts, soaps. boxes, anything really.

perhaps it is a control thing she supposed as she balanced the bird.

today

it stays easily. she looks a long time, takes her phone

and photographs.

looks, looks

adds objects.

photographs .

waits for dusk, for the light to change

lowers and photographs. a different app and repeat

another photograph.

skulls .

there are a lot of skulls down here in the studio. a few any way. she is prone to her own excitement and exaggeration.

bird skulls found, placed, kept, some  under glass domes.

her father had done that now she follows his lead.

she remembers the time he had placed a mouse corpse under a bell jar to see how that worked

he was dismayed at the decay and mildew; the stench when he lifted that jar.

his experiment a failure.

she feels it is a still life.
Feb 2021 · 58
.the temporary fence.
was supposed to be an uneventful day

yesterday

guess it was to some standards

in these quiet days of isolation
combined with bad weather

was all a bit of a thing

moved the garden bags to their
collection point to find

the bags of slate delivered by the lane
so move the garden waste again to bring the

wheelbarrow up
to carry the slate to the bottom
and spread

two bags as spare in the store bins
lift and sweat
swear as we tip the fence over

to be fixed and reassembled
while the rain came in some more

later the groceries delivered
the man said quite a work out
as his baskets were emptied
hurriedly

i have a tiny chocolate each morning now

and got a card from the vicar
Feb 2021 · 63
.snowdrops.
:: snowdrops ::

hold her up, you need to hold her up

stand each side of her


it is a challenge each day

to look at the images

remember


a challenge to deal with these things

some of us manage


to be vulnerable as naked

in private


some need holding up

in sight from my window
Feb 2021 · 110
.line drawing.
:: line drawing ::

watched it twice those days when we could travel

see exhibitions


quiet slow and uneventful

it left lasting impressions

a simple drawing out


no fuss


and sometimes late in the evening

think of it


leave the house

and return to the simple line drawing
Feb 2021 · 103
..expansive.
never mind also hoping the thing
has passed

he said they had a book of meaning
i asked google
who misheard or mis
understood

thought it was a reference to cost

when so many have paid

quietly we felt it would not be unseemly
nor respectful this time

with so many lost
one way and another

james

how are you this morning
early
Feb 2021 · 125
.the digger.
looked out last evening toward the grave

yard

saw the light

the machine making a place

it used to be manual
i know the method

bob told me back then
know the depth

he has retired
since the covid came

said he is seventy now and aches a bit
i heard

i smiled after what he said to me
after he touched my arm

he often did that

once he kissed my cheek

buried my husband
Feb 2021 · 59
.paper chase.
:: paper chase ::

hiding from the refuse collectors

down at the house

in the paper

hideaway

it was his idea and he rammed

it all in the neighbouring bins

where he found room

said he will take the blame

if found out

**

all four crowd round discussing

the amount of waste

the number of stars

while

he hides

below
Feb 2021 · 371
.good intentions.
have been off work for ten months
so work at home

a lot

on this and that

and the garden

at the front

a smaller one at the back

both were wet yesterday and slidy with mud
my walking making it worse

when I was out to make it look better

i intend to have an easy day
the day after boxing day

there is good reason
Feb 2021 · 135
12.uncle.
:: uncle ::

tell him he needs to focus

best eye forward to stop complaining


it is for safety purposes

the rules are made


the family all seem to have

problems with vision

even the dog


things go fast and seep into distant

beings


fairies again


or is it simply the pressure?
Feb 2021 · 99
.wet leather wallet.
yes

she used the word constitutional
where I prefer
hike

she prefers a short walk
and that is ok

yesterday i found mistletoe
lichen
and a wet leather wallet

to hand in the local police

office today

it is a palaver to report online
to follow on instruction each

object to be sent elegantly

tied the mistletoe with ribbon
placed it by the birds nest

made bread and a mess
in the kitchen

which I warned you about before

james
Feb 2021 · 436
11.nothing
:: nothing ::

dissecting the thing

into pieces

and chucking it into the canal

it is nothing

no more
Feb 2021 · 124
.the garden.
it has come warmer here
lately

so me and him cut the saplings
ropes pulling away from the wire

below the ivy threads the surface
to be pulled today as I tested the
method


which worked

plans are set
though news news ain’t good
any which way i look

i read about the dependency
he described
and thought he was more than that

we are not our issues nor experiences
we are more than that

each person a unique being
Jan 2021 · 167
.10.fairies.
:: numbers ::

did you see the fairy folk fluttering

moth mouths and mismatch


the day came clear with numbers

written backwards


did you know that or did you google to find out


touch lightly in case wings

disintegrate to dust


tread lightly my dears

count them

steadily
Jan 2021 · 55
.welsh not.
it is as nothing
a small breath of wind passing

even that is complained on by someone

my goodness

i made a piece on censorship of language
the welsh not

accepted & rejoiced by some
rejected and removed by others

censoring the image of censorship
some things come ironic

tomorrow it will be gone
another issue put in place

by others

these places are kitchens

you may remember i left once
persuaded to return to ignore

their bleatings

you see I fly alone

here
Jan 2021 · 168
9.you know.
:: you know ::


five men


those men who desire

who speak in three voices


is all i will say here, you know who you are

*

time is upon us as he writes

the old way


dust from the fire

he weaves

remembering the beginning

of it all


ash escapes his brain

into solitude


days left

three voices

rise until just one

is heard
Jan 2021 · 136
.dna tracking.
it all starts here today
and will take a long time

there are so many many of us
lots upon lots

though early the lanes are clear
he sees no one
only the ice and frost

goes tentatively in the wrong boots

imagines the slipping so moves
the phone to a front pocket in

case

his imagination runs riot
as before and remembering

not to use the first word
that comes in his mind

or too many recognizable
cliches james

so we talked about dna alterations
those tracking devices they say are
inserted

and laughed over the silliness
of our conversation and then

i drew the tidy face and then

the scaffolders came
Jan 2021 · 187
8.do not wish to die.
or any day. do not wish to hide

do not wish to run

to take the boat and steer

to take the hiatus i fear


it crossed so many times

each time delivering

some time sinking

while we are shouting that

we do not wish to die


my son



wrote of it before

the last crossing

having paid the price we hope to be delivered

knowing that in depth we drown



the island blessed

sandy tracks to wander

in memory


like birds we flew


now it comes commercial

no crossing
Jan 2021 · 169
.day of the dead.
so it was yet no one did anything

here

drew on experience

kept quiet

for no one

hears

they are dead

as deaf as a dodo

*

deaf as the man upstairs

dead as the designer now

the virus got them

they came with moustaches

all curly waxed

but it still got them

the day of the dead
Jan 2021 · 120
.big coat.
want to draw that image

to keep it in my brain
to come out some other way

take on all the things on our arms
our shoulders

the coat hanger effect

i noted his oversized coat
and was admonished for

assuming judgement on
appearance

no no no it is about remembrance
and the drawing out later
when all is quiet james

it is that time of year for memorials
eighteen days yet

perhaps someone will come to measure the depth

calculate the timeline
Jan 2021 · 114
.her bicycle.
yes

using phrases like the enemy
it don’t go unnoticed here either

a negative use of language
instead of facts as you say

incitement and riot talking
found not guilty when tried

it is the modern way
to use adjectives that don’t apply

descriptions that come unnecessary
with double letters

and meanings

they talk in metaphors like me

they have a differing task, are not
magicians with a comma

moving on

i hope she will like a bike
and ride along with you
Jan 2021 · 131
.four legged.
it came four legged

trouncing down the dark


no one was distressed here nor

frightened


one finds more fear in the doings

of men, their counterparts


fear of too much punctuation haunts

us

unlike the four leggeds

*

there are stars

there are no stars


so what is the true meaning

here


running in the dark

sorting in the rain things get wet


puddles form

wordsjointogether


a long dark road

two legged
Jan 2021 · 58
.the meteor.
all so very space age or those films
about disasters and meteors
smashing into our crust
making holes
called craters

bam
splat

enough to give anyone
a nose bleed

we have his here in a jar labelled

sometimes it is anxiety
all that is going on around
us

it came so very cold
the bags were wet
and my hands hurt
like billy oh

did not drop off though
cos I huffed and puffed them

stay by the fire james
for now it is winter
Jan 2021 · 141
5.frogs.
day five brought two voices

one day

same segregation

a night of stars



sickly child and predetermined words

flicker from page to

flicking the power fails

while some follow the mass

others raise fist protest



nothing was ever promised

nothing ever came fair, an invented entitlement

where no one is entitled

we have one pause

a tadpole before the jumping frog

comes wet and creaking

we forget the punctuation

we look at the pictures

only
Jan 2021 · 90
.pifco.
your time will come

i will wait politely here until the time
and hope predicted don’t change
nothing

no more

we wonder for the phone is like a
little tablet
the tablet just a big phone
with no phone and a torch

so an half an hour spent
on ebay looking at those

to light the way

you see
we think we have a future here

do you
too?
Jan 2021 · 70
.the car park.
the days come darker still

considering the night


white they peer

sadly into empathy


faces cloud

shoulders bowed


not so the beginning

look at it

look at it


no stars here no separation

the two become one

again


you see that your perception of things

is different from the others


hold it

hold it and you will find after time

some no longer see


today there is vacant parking at the church
Jan 2021 · 160
.3.fairies.
it was one of those books

you know the sort you read over

something about a house

i seem to remember

one of the favourites

have the set up until then

and i expect she has written more

since

there is a boat house up cregennan

another down bontddu

making good photographs

good dreams



drama change to night terrors

when you cannot shift

the weight bearing down from hell or somewhere

else

hell is a story for control

for controversy

they come here spouting the belief yet

never ask for mine



fairies.
Jan 2021 · 98
.delivery.
have a nice star symbol on the forecast
six sided
and while I hear rain now
on the cat slide
know there will be no walk early
again

have tear drop symbols too
which is correct so a good
job done here yesterday

it would be no good today

cat howled as i put her out
she slept on the dining room
table again

all the telling that the uncut moquette
is most comfy
goes unheard

preferring dark wood

each day I wash and polish
hoping for a change in attitude

i have stories on the shelf
may write them one by one
some day

as

yesterday I verbalised some

the job sounds fine
out and about

he liked that
the freedom
Jan 2021 · 87
.high hedges.
all came interesting yesterday
not the day before that just yesterday
morning mostly

friends since 65 perhaps
number of the year ago

then to dispel gathered energies
attacked the borders with a saw
and mallet

and the neighbour assisted
he a slight fellow too who brews
beer when the weather keeps him

indoors

enough done
the clearing

up

starts today

the phases planned ahead

i don’t go to town much now
we don’t need nothing that

cannot be delivered
Jan 2021 · 51
.wild wood.
good to hear that all are delivered safely
all are back home
again

interior days
come as comfort

rain soaking the neighbourhood about

ash left as reminder

then I think of him tidying
forgetting time in the
action

down the lane the wild wood
comes naked
a world of it’s own
the rocks show hollow

and no one comes no more

i think this must be winter
again
Jan 2021 · 111
.cake.
we ate cake, chocolate cake
with thick chocolate icing on

top
plus the usual buns
with one left ready
for today with coffee

there were four candles
each a different colour
bright

which I have saved
&
washed the little white
holders

all stashed in the proper place
in that dish on the kitchen shelf
above the table

i tidied it all a few weeks back

yesterday I won a writing challenge
&
did not mean to
I just wanted to tell it
how it is
really

later I attempted to trim
the hazel tree and succeeded
Jan 2021 · 105
.bandages.
is there a hub bub
voices chattering more than usual

will there be large makings of coffee
there and fun?

we had fun yesterday with all the deliveries
opening boxes and moving water barrels
without the water

sploshed on the garden

today here james we shall
have a hub bub and chatter

you know

we shall have coffee and buns as
always
unless they ask for tea

you know

i never asked for earl grey
while staying at the hospital

not liking to make a fuss
under such circumstances

well you don’t
do you?
Jan 2021 · 104
.colder.
colder yesterday though possibly not as cold
as your experience over there

the greenhouse rearrangement came lovely
instigated by the accidental dropping of plants

growing from seeds gathered on walks
the wildlife garden

today the tiny things will be salvaged
nurtured in the warm

meanwhile i am constantly on leaf duty
while the terraces are cleared
the lower lawn is deep in golden
layers

a little each day
is just the ticket

alongside household chores and drawing
Jan 2021 · 174
.these trees.
feels like autumn now, cat is in, windows misted.

a challenge to describe   these trees as suggested

the gentle good,  dawel disgyn,  little time

left, nor funds for flying.


tiny things become intimate


you may put them in cases, or hang on pins

straight or safety, it becomes political

the choice is yours


bulldog clips


you are the curator.


maybe things are red with black

today
Jan 2021 · 129
.gather leaves.
i gather leaves now that the sky is clear

see the stars when I put the cat out early

it is a stable door
i open the top

she hisses
though she has been in for hours

i gather leaves
now the rain has stopped a while

look out at the world beyond the garden

it is green
the mountain beyond

i gather leaves now that things have stopped

place them in bags
for the recycling centre

I used to gather leaves my friend
to keep in paper bags

maybe some folk enjoy being alone
my friend

Listen to .. gentle .. by sonja benskin mesher on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/sonja-benskin-mesher/gentle?ref=clipboard&p=a&c=1
Jan 2021 · 135
.bird in hand 2.
poor birds

have it difficult the best of times
then comes the festivals
those traditions

that mean they must die

talking of which
now we know

with our present hidings and isolation
distancing

how they live at all times

the creatures burn and die
fly
away

i watch the squirrels down the back lane
each day
sometimes one will stop running and

we look at each other

a while
Jan 2021 · 151
.26.isolation.
framed

the things were in the chubby

where he climbed and chucked them

down

sat in the doorway smiling

new trainers

i took his photograph

which went to exhibition

somewhere



now we are in isolation

so where is the difference?



a younger rock formation isolated among older rocks       

someone who moves differently to others.            

an exercise in the way to  view the world.

we are all

individual.

as much as this is said

this performance can do with quite an improvement.
Jan 2021 · 97
.mohair.
we have our favourites

mine is old
have had it thirty years

from the charity

he touched it gently
said it felt warm to touch

&

it certainly is
felted a little with wear

misshapen

ill fitting
comforting

charcoal grey
it don’t show the dirt

i wore it gardening yesterday
raking leaves

the robin came down

we spell snow plough differently
Jan 2021 · 157
.26.really.
is a tangled affair
too many people talking at once

it is a messy affair
paint smudges and runs

eventually all comes clear
one having the final say

predictions come and go

sometimes heard
not seen

days of our life

james

days of our lives

**

i feel some times that

the word unreasonable

is mine


though i react through

my reason

which comes clear

with my muddled

thinking


dare i laugh here?


who said that

&

what is it?


how will they know for thinking

comes silent inside our heads

unless we utter

which in my case is not often


who defines the different

level of thought


is there a manual

with charts and graphs

a litmus test to testify


that the thought got tangled


oh what is it like?

really

oh really!
Jan 2021 · 133
.tutankhamuntutenkhamun.
met her at the forest by the hotel
we were volunteers
and seemed to get on well

agreed to visit the fabric store
at the coast
see the rusted ships together

be friends

just before the pandemic hit

we connect on social media now

there are others met at london

the exhibition

and akhenaten

there is a pause in proceedings
that can’t be helped

winter brings differing challenges

objects fall and are mended

it is

nearly the end of november

abakhan
Jan 2021 · 143
.airship.
it is a tangled affair
too many people talking at once

it is a messy affair
paint smudges and runs

eventually all comes clear
one having the final say on board

predictions come and disappear
quickly as the local planes

sometimes heard
not seen
here

there is a small airfield up along
the coast

once the airship came
we drove to watch

it go over

heavy

days of our life

james

days of our lives
Jan 2021 · 92
.gains & experiences.
do you see that it is not there?


having checked several times this end

find there is just the one with no problems therefore


note the rules down one side

hysteria the other


lists remain of all that is lost

no mention of gains or fortitude


some may look for the other one

some may find it


while the little people with their arms held high

dance in the sunlight with all that remains


we ask for the italian music this morning
Jan 2021 · 50
.the bird in hand.
wind blows ideas into our houses

messages bring connections

a busy day with folk talking

it was the weekend with time
to spare

yet so many came tiring
alongside the wind blowing

the leaves are ready
to be gathered today

unless the wind is blowing

the bird in hand is drawn
rules to guide us

with stars above that have no points
at all
yet each one has a story

each one an individual even when
the wind blows
Jan 2021 · 231
..porcupine..
seven in a row all dead
is a real disaster

i like the white ones on farms
that hiss if one approaches near

we are liking birds to stay alive yet
sadly this is not so

if I say I went away

some think that  this  means

prison

those in america

conversation moved on to

pumpkins, these days, and

noises made by porcupines.

there is a chattering nearby

listen
Dec 2020 · 131
23.echo
do you know the dark corner

behind damask

where music plays?


do you know why the tree died

why the paint smudged?


some know and remember the years

less for some than others


some paint tidy all realism while

others paint a different way


i know why the tree died . i do.

i know that the stove ticks when lit
Dec 2020 · 39
..the drum..
the pound shops here have things that cost one pound

each

they sell glasses there for cloud and sun though

at present I do not shop in store
i shop online and while it is a

differing entity comes useful in these

times

she says the smaller stores will suffer
and while this is true I find it far more

convenient to have all the heavy stuff
brought to the door

rather than loading then later unloading
the car
to carry goods down the drive in various

weathers

a few leaves hang on like beaten rags
the branch hangs limp waiting for a

particular gust to fall

i do not have sugar in my tea
the saucer has cartoon animals
for decoration
Dec 2020 · 73
.tickets.
he asked about the father
the answers came in language of that time
the terminology of the fifties

words that indicate dislike

not of choice

a mantra
remembered correctly

transfer of ideas

later unpicked to my delight
into another story
edges left bare

there is a box with papers
snippets and tickets

are these the codes and reasons
are these the stories of their lives?
Dec 2020 · 65
..codes & reasons..
some ask if the routine of working is missed

it is noted that another took it’s

place

moving lightly room to room in winter

from one hour to the next

differing activities

moving out into the landscape
differing thoughts with exercise

added

on hearing rain early
delay the start of it

did you know he asked me my materials

the list got long and

could have been longer

even boring for some

so I stopped

some times I feel I may get found out
&
james, sometimes I am

with a comma.

codes and reasons
Dec 2020 · 60
..cattle..
some days come lovely
despite the weather

mornings come darker with
quiet walks in the lanes

contemplating

all that surrounds

one branch moves
creaking on the others

sheep stand quiet waiting
while we apologise

further down the water runs
where the straw was laid

the foot and mouth epidemic
those years back

on our way down south we

were diverted
a road block and all that

entailed

not crossing the line

never crossing the straw

we didn’t
not once

some are already sleeping
some stay gathering to be

ready

while I do much the same james
Dec 2020 · 57
.peters hill.
imagine all this in pictures
and get it wrong as I have

no idea really

and find it does not matter

the music came sadly on the film
at dusk and I felt it as I glanced at
the view at the window

i think it was an oboe though not entirely
sure
yet it sure did hit the mark

today I need to write ekphrastic
and have just finished my winter
shopping order

with winter pies and puddings
for december

i remember when only rich folk had
groceries delivered

we walked up to winton and went
shop to shop

those days

liptons, maypole and the home and
colonial

and quite a few more
i liked the coal merchant on peters hill
who also sold seed

to run your hands through with permissions

james

my father was seen up there with the other woman
she limped I was told

my brothers were told not to acknowledge him
I am told
Dec 2020 · 48
..tasks..
i do that too
you know go back and look at it

at what i done
feel a sense if achievement sometimes

and sometimes

I stand to look at what is to be done

the next day

&

allow the brain to absorb the idea overnight

sometimes

the task is worked on over days as

there is no hurry no more

this way no one gets bored or fed up

of it

&

hopefully it gets done better

yes my mind is wandering already
back to the roundabout where the
van turned over

those years ago

this morning I had a refund
so that is another task achieved

ticked off in the diary
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