hello james

you have been gone a while

since you said you would leave


all things change and we had early training here

i spoke of it yesterday


yesterday they came wearing the same dresses

saw the coincidence quickly and were shocked and embarrassed

not noticing the insect in their panic


they may soon learn these things don’t

matter, never did

today is apricot

a new jar opened easily


my mum would buy a large tin and decant

there were five of us, one had left earlier


seems trivial to write of preserves during pandemic

yet it is a treat this morning with a croissant in bed

cosy


we have all sorts in the pantry with little gingham caps

held on with rubber bands

i have a pack somewhere in a rainbow of colours

yet often use those dropped by the postman

wide in brown


also have sandwich spread

more as savoury

alongside asda’s own marmite

such a treat yet not for breakfast


nearly a year now

have stopped waving

and carry on

in contentment

it is a topic here and a memory

the privet

that is why it is labelled now

belonging to a social media group

with memories of where i lived

growing up

saw a photo of privet road, the corner

with a comma here

halfway up the hill was the coal and seed merchants and I used to go in with mum

cole and son

i guess she ordered coal not seed as there were five of us and not much time for gardening though gran’s mr palmer did next door

along the wall in tubs were the seeds to dip into , to feel

with permission and samples of the differing fuels

coal, coke, briquettes and nutty slack

i liked our visits there very much and had forgotten what was around the corner

saved the photo and sent it to my brother who replied and sent a current google view by return

he said he preferred the photograph which was nice as he does not always reply

i still like coal and seeds

some things don’t change

have meaning to write of it

since she told me that it moves

at four miles an hour


rumbling along

takes sixteen hours from here to shrewsbury

leaving early all standing up

and concentration



he says they don’t grumble if stuck behind a while

just take photographs


we hear it going on it’s way

to some event those days


these days locked down like the rest of us


used to hear it as a child come down the hill so ran to the gate to watch

or at road works the tar still hot and steamy

the smell being flattened by the thing

the chest beating with excitement

such a surprise while working in isolation

on the theme of isolation

a note to say that there are notes

on work done previously

four of you had commented

said nice things and I had missed it

now read and apologised for my oversight

remarked that your remarks made me happy

and smiley

face

thankyou

understand the difficulties

understand the fear


it needs to have activity

it needs to have depth


yet there is no need for admiration

no need for folk to like it

and we worry when they do

maybe I should write beautiful

lilting stuff again with rhymes and things

like people seem to like


or tragic dark long stories

of dreadful deaths

and mourning

as before


today will say it would have been

an anniversary

for what that is worth


he asked me the year

and surprised that i remembered


of course i miss them

just pretending to be a hard *****

once again is monday

no work no more, on furlough

with punctuation


used to go on sundays

and other days as needed


we closed in the winter reopened in march

and then locked down that same month


so at home we work in the house and garden

the studio

as needed


i used to work as a holiday reserve

on various tasks as required

then left and moved to wales


we still keep in touch

as needed

sticks are available and are free

here

wanting a little gate plus the entertainment factor

we sawed them up and tied them all with string

it is a prototype

a rickety stickety gate

bit wonky

perhaps the next one will be more better having practiced

draw a jelly fish and what do you see?

with a question mark


write a little story and what do they read?


perhaps we need auto correction

and cleaner minds


i collect soap you know of varying kinds

and ages

it dries and cracks if not stored with care


biscuit tins are useful as the mice can’t get in

we fumble with finger nails to open them


a cleaner find

the tree came down

so dinner waited an hour or so

already cooked went cold

and rubbery

the least of the worry

pleased to see that the flowers

remain standing still in bud

the lights went off then came back on

the words were said and meant

fervently

the forecast is better here today

still bad mid wales I am told

mr blue coat man

walks early


mr water man works at dwr cymru


i have a long surname and usually

give my first name even having to spell that and hope that will suffice without the other ones

i hear it comes shorter in the village


some many many years ago

it started

and i remember them

the names


mrs wrap around apron

the falling boy


never said in public

a family language

could be more overall

who is counting no more


it is not good grammar

no capital letters or punctuation


two days of storms

more in lockup


he says we get used to things

and I thinks he is correct

day 350

there is this little corner

tidy now

a niche

which needs a thing to make a point

for it


the storm came yesterday and tired from the work before

browsed the online and found many things

yet know that with time it will sort itself out


just as most places are tidy

the tree came down

and

next door’s shed blew about


it feels quieter this morning

they are all animals even cows and sheep

and horses

she ate them

except the horse as she did not fancy that

she only ate those she was used to

i

remember privet road down in winton

those days after the war

the second world war that is


though it feels like folk are at war

always somewhere

maybe we should look after things

and our people


anyway there is a privet plant in the corner of the garden

down by the water pumping station


they want it cut and i want it tidy

so we comprise as i love the smell

of the small white flower come annually


i shall rake the leaves and have made a sign ready

privet corner

it is not a hedge like my grandma had

just a privet plant

the tree came down

so dinner waited an hour or so

already cooked went cold

and rubbery

the least of the worry

pleased to see that the flowers

remain standing still in bud

the lights went off then came back on

the words were said and meant

fervently

the forecast is better here today

still bad mid wales I am told

perseverance came cheap they say

in the balance of things

cheap as sausages maybe

although not on offer at asda

come cheaper over at morrisons due next week

perseverance came lovely even the last seven minutes

beautiful like ballet landing softly

i ordered the sausages two packs for four pounds

no animal meat anywhere

meanwhile perseverance pays out

we move forward gently no longer quite so vulnerable

we have built the wall at the wrong angle
as sometimes we are a failure

the rules were set by no one
and kept by others and sometimes

when the wall is wrong
fall into feeling that we are

so
so

with warmth and rain outside

again we sleep

the moon outside as company

i hear it has landed on mars

she asked about side effects and though
after reading the instructions felt there

were none apart from the pigeons
noted before

when suddenly came the surge of energy
born from hatred of the overgrown

box hedge

we love the little national trust hedges
clipped and sturdy

not this high hanging woody affair

tried to trim the top
ended sawing the bottom
destroying the thing

a fit of peak they say

and having done so moved on to the other
larger affair by the gate

which rhymes with hate

you see

the joy next morning
when looking out
saw them gone

later the asda man came

james

it don’t seem to work as well
in email

comes alongside shopping
cash back and ebay notices

gets lost


we like things in place
in categories where it

can be dealt with neatly
in an order of service

and though I miss it james
maybe it was time

and I wonder still

why you left

look at you promoted from the use for which you were designed

a white enamel was desired
yet a galvanised was ordered

and though come lovely also
came too big for the space so

used to carry in the exotic logs
which help the environment and
crumble on the floor otherwise if
not contained somehow

the problem continued upstairs
so we moved you there yesterday

a new chapter
a new purpose

you succeeded nicely

i too reflect this story
start a new chapter
without purpose

really

and accept the predictions
as they seem to come correct

it was not a thought as such
more of a knowing

there is a photograph

come random

there may be after effects
yet

nobody suggested a flock of pigeons

at 2pm that snowy afternoon

and that notes will be made

no one mentioned sleeping
later than usual

those chin tattoos
that come all beautiful
and trendy

noticed the birds several days ago
i do like the flocks even murmurations

which happen more mid wales
by the pier

you know
i haven’t been there in such a while

matt hancock

i have been staying at home now

11 months

in total

well hello

you see I did write back to you

in

a different format


more like a letter now
it is not on the poetry

site

to behold
so cold

we swept it
the twigs and debris

micro gardening
here

on a blue theme

new with gouache

come lately


hermes delivered
they know where I live now
learned quickly
after the first mistakes

we have to be brave and strong
like always
like we done before

we draw the ways we walk
daily

now in blue

though we wiped away the second coat
of paint

there are several things worth mentioning

to be spoken when the time is right

we slept the unsleeping dream which leaves us weak

offered help we agreed and cleared the ground steadily

found gratitude and overcome with the feeling of it all

tucked back inside early to gloat over the buckets of twigs

you remember it perfectly
describe with accuracy

the colander metal and bent
for straining the peas and
other vegetables

potato masher

i have that too but may
have photographed the
wrong one

we shall see later

mummy’s hammer kept
in the third drawer down
even now

even now I have her fish slice
though I don’t eat fish

you know

you know
we have different memories about some things
different opinions on other matters

yet we think of her colander

both the same

you said goodbye
said it had ended
here

to go there
or email you

i agreed as it was time for a change

time for a change of subject
of pattern

i did not agree to continue


he said that was the issue with the
work

it keeps changing

as things do tend to

sometimes there are too many words
and little truth

things come clear with time

felt the cold inside me
lately

as i told you before

it came so yesterday
while my bones ached
to stay indoors

and did so
gently

things worked out pleasantly
while he watched the cricket

i spoke to the hub
and was conveyed

forward

planning can often work

the fire burned all day
from early

i write in notes to double space



as i can’t figure it out elsewhere

i feel that

the pattern is as important as

the words

then copy and paste it across

and see how that works today



will report back later
after looking for james


thankyou

he set up camp elsewhere

required the internet

i liked the paintings of tents done in dull colours

remember the teacher who disliked the bolder hues

who bakes bread now and posts on facebook

is with the gallery who sacked me for such a thing and other reasons

i don’t know

i bake bread and eat it

the carpet is cleaner

done with a soapy cloth


i see there are gadgets

indeed I have some


my mum taught me this

not knowingly

i just watched and remembered


later started the ivy clearing

that on the ground then

after coffee opened the door

to do some more and found

it was raining hard


i went to the studio and drew

myself walking

the things I saw

how it felt

started as early as possible

while the sun stayed out

before the traffic came up the lane

failed on both intentions

as did the cat

we tried the shears and the loppers

found the seceteurs worked well

cutting the top leaves in bunches

and dropping them into the bag

for collection

we thought about the things my brother

said about the tea plantations

in india

he does a big trip somewhere each each year

except last year and probably this year too

a word for desires and wishes?

a name for a blanket?

yet this came as frozen

locked in a repeating pattern

time beyond time

blank rooms

devoid of feature or understanding of the need

we never remember them playing there ever

no more

look out from the metal windows that run with condensation and sadness

at folk who surge and mingle

ptsd

there are several things worth mentioning

to be spoken when the time is right

we slept the unsleeping dream which leaves us weak

offered help we agreed and cleared the ground steadily

found gratitude and overcome with the feeling of it all

tucked back inside early to gloat over the buckets of twigs

he called early with the news

later ian came and we felled

the last of the saplings

kenny helped pulled the last one

away from the telephone line

that connects to his house

i don’t mind it
being private

though I do dispute wiki having
opinions

i know it to be fact
and rightly so

those sell by dates are guidance
those some things live longer

we agreed to disagree only
never verbalised as such

we are still in lock down
and are locked in

metaphorically

gently

now that sounds cold
i remember mum leaving the water tap running
in winter

the pipes were lagged in the outside toilet

and I hated that place both waiting outside
and the feel inside

the conversations about such a thing
at all

the cold when there was no heating
anywhere

except the fire
reserved for drying the clothes
mainly

gran’s house much the same
though folk got preference

one each side
me by the radio

changing the thread to tell you
it all came lovely with onions
fried tasty, mushrooms and the
last
big tomato then cheese
on home made bread, fried
over

there are difficulties with tomatoes
large as a substitution

when only small are required

not wishing for waste
we eat them anyway

i feel it is another psychological
challenge

overcome

&
 
we walked on up near the copper mine , a darker place.                          got to thinking.
 
&
 
it comes as no suprise. often ill they die.                                   it is the way.     it is not sad.
 
&
we are sensed with  loss.                                                                  ­               that includes you.
 
he says that’s where the wind comes from,                                       to go most everywhere.
 
&
 
probably do not miss him.                       he was not around us much, well  not at all really.
he buggered off.   no inspiration then.                                                   yet.   he was my dad.
 
&
 
some day i will carry the bones inside.

ah pizza
now there is a thing
to love and so easy to store
in the freezer

or make
like you say
with multitudinous bits
on top

which bend and stretch

on breakfast tv he says
that we should all do that
and that

even getting out of a chair is exercise
or putting on a cardigan

i had pasta with bits of worry
over things I heard

yesterday felt difficult
so i wrote that in my diary

today the plan is toast
inspired by pizzas

all is well here all is quiet

messages sent about including

it was too warm for a fire
yet we lit it anyways for company

to smell the wood
to hear the cracking
the tick of the stove

yesterday we sent out messages too
including

one hour spent
remembering
st agnes

in cornwall

yes warmth and food
we have shelter

rain comes here in waves
reflecting feelings

sometimes i can smell the sea
though some miles from the shore

rules say to walk from the house
not to take the car

so I don’t

go to the shore
while others do

put photos on social

my time will come

we had toast just now with an
egg, a treat
deserved of a comma there

then coffee

later nuts and raisins
and so on through the

day

you have spoken of your home with
good descriptions while I think one

can google mine

perhaps i will check
and buy a bucket for

the leak

to talk of food

each day we check and diary
for there is no popping into
the shops just now

we see on social which shops
are closed for decontamination

say deep clean again

and those gone sick

it comes from kimnel bay
the asda van and we use
it carefully

the basement is now a store
with a label
and categories

as is the outbuilding
amongst other things

part of the day is pleasant
in the kitchen chopping
preparing

boogie wonderland
ha

lots of nuts

james

briefly

early

difference between a geezer and geyser

is vast

as big as the space
to carry logs over

do you see we talk so much
about heating these cold days

and always

life is minimal now
with that and food

though notice we don’t
discuss that so much

i could and
tell you of the plans and preparation
the ordering and menus here

but i don’t do i?

do you?

while i type an email comes in
to advise a delivery date

i cleaned the post box yesterday
up by the gate

no one comes in no more

you know james I always fancied one
of those hot water geysers for the kitchen

over the sink

1°

walked as usual

it was not deep here

and some still falling

heavily

i knew the others were in bed
and I wished them so

this was a new experience
brought on with isolation

walked to the main road only
usually much further

with practicality
sensibility

turned myself about
to head for home

it seems we always wish
to come back home

james

on another note
we had talked early
about our buying habits now

while she bought blades
i purchased a variety of
nuts

i took of photograph of hengrwt

early

have rubbed a little place on the window
to see the snow falling

she disliked that
my mum

said it left a mark
that she would have to clean the window
again

never mind the excitement of snow

don’t find it attractive to lay in
you know the angel thing

otherwise the white and quietness
are welcome

at the very bottom of my garden

down by a wood pile and rusting
implements

have come the snowdrop drift

and also

over there and there and
by the gate

i walk outside once a day for exercise
and enjoyment

to explore

then later I walk round the garden
look at every tiny place

today I will take photographs

james

know of it and recall the music

and format especially


we only had radio at first

for me the thrill came with

journey into space


then later from behind the sofa

dr who I think

not our sofa
i was staying away a while

a bit posh with fresh dates and ginger

snacks
and paying tenants in the lower flat

they said apartment


you know

i liked it there


we have a complete set of the current

version

and the doll


it is a saga

though

yes now you say the temperature I can see the shaking

hear the breath

i reiterate that I share the excitement both

yours and his

sent it to a friend who likes trains too

i watched an interview of a famous man
talk about his childhood trauma

and how sometimes he takes that child
with him

now

with reassurance

watches the delight at
the experiences

sounds like a good thing to do james

it is not so wet here today

there is time now to wipe the windows
like the others did

now there is furlough with days to spare

as a kid
i watched the water run


waiting

a hope for mint
chocolate
from the shop

those days we were left a while
with time to watch
the water run

so a copy and paste

and hang the washing out


despite the storm

to spite the storm

coming


she said it would be difficult

and it was

the early days

despite predicted text


the wonder was if he came back

to talk things over

or discuss what had happened since


how would the conversation be this time


it is what is wanted

that will never happen


what if he had died that night

and

he rose the morrow morn