What do I do when I believe I’m too broken for your world

You are so good to me
You handle all my ebbs and flows
Vibes and lows

All I hear
Is, “It’s okay”
“Hey”

I’m so happy
I’m so scared
You are the best thing
That has ever happened
To me
How do I manage keeping you

Bruh, you're hella cute
I'm super into you
Did you know that?
Hope you're ready for this trainwreck
Because shoot boy,
I'm hoping I don't destroy you
I'm just waiting for the day
When I do phase you

How many jumbled thoughts does one gal have in a day?
Whew buddy, lemme tell ya
I got the mistakes of yesterday
The joys of today
The new mercies in the morning
The repetitive repentance
Giggly laughing smiles remembering something he said
And the serious undertones of fear that I could lose him
Active motions towards trust
And mindless failures where I don’t
I swing like a pendulum every moment
Not really changing my mind
But feeling two ways about one thing
I can go from tsunami to serenity in a heartbeat
Anxiety coursing through my body
(like the coffee I drank this morning)
Meanwhile praising God for silly things I know he did
What even am I
Shut me off
Wake me up
Let me rest
Let me run
Let me
Me
Hey Hi Hello I'm Ranita
Welcome back to my youtube channel

Somehow I'm not surprised
He takes it all in stride
Finding safety, I turn to
His patience; a virtue
Enveloped in a feeling of grace
Holding back, giving me space
Waiting - saying it's no harm
Comfortable enough
Almost sleeping on his arm
-Or on the phone-
"Hey cutie"
Why does he say that
Making me melt
At the drop of a hat

I forgot that it's okay
He already knows anyway
That I'm a human; a mess
And so is he
Like a Charlie Brown
Christmas tree

I wish I didn't take everything so seriously
Maybe it's a good thing?
But it feels like hell

What is it like to fully and truly relax?
To let go of the fear
Would it feel like water?

People have told me my whole life
They want me to feel free
All I want is what is good

Is it considered good to feel free
If it risks someone elses heart
And my own?

Am I the phoenix or the crow?