I was doomed from the beginning
Living by my examples
Of misplaced trust and expectations
Leading to massive let down
Time and time again
It’s like I don’t know what happiness is without someone telling me everything’s alright
I can’t even begin to describe what it’s like being my own cage inside of my mind
Codependency is my thorn in my side
May my weakness show the power of Christ

Charmed into bad ideas
By a heart more lost than mine
Intrigued by the idea
That someone can want me that badly
Hey
I know where that leads
Don’t do this for me
You’ll never win like this

And trust me

I’m not worth that effort

_
I’m so pleased that you avoided me like the plague.
I probably just scared you by telling you I broke down.
Either way, still pleased.
_
You broke me so hard and I’ve never recovered.
You never looked back.
I would have done anything for you.
I still love you, I would still forgive you, but I know you’ll never come back.
_
You gave me a picture of New York.
What did you want me to do with it?
What you wrote, tore me up.
I don’t want you.
_
All of the things I’ve said.
Let me go, let me grow, let me be. Don’t come back. I can’t breathe. I’m too scared. I’m not good. I’m not enough. I’m not fighting for you, don’t fight for me.
It’s so painfully evident to me,
That you need this even more than I do.

I don't feel enough anymore
That's rich coming from me
I feel too much but it's the wrong things
I don't feel what's important
Instead I forget so quickly
I choose to forget instead of deal with what's in front of me
I'm miserable because of things I do to myself
And because of things I choose not to do
This isn't even satisfying, I'm restless

Will I ever find rest
Will my heart find respite
Can I go to sleep without stress in my head
Will I find joy soon
Will I ever find peace
Will I find comfort in another’s arms or confidence at least
Will I ever be fine
Will I ever be truly happy
Will I get married and have children who are proud to call me mom

It doesn’t matter if I’m right
My emotions will take over
I’ll seem crazy
It doesn’t matter if I’m right
He’ll only see the world through
His rosy lenses
It doesn’t matter if he’s wrong
I feel the way I feel
And it’s too late for me to heal
It doesn’t matter if he’s wrong
He’ll never change
Even though he claims to care
It doesn’t matter if we try
We just won’t work out
Our hearts are too far away
It doesn’t matter if we try
I don’t want him
Even though I like to pretend

You used to be about my ****
But recently you’ve been a ****
I don’t know what I’ve done wrong in this
Somewhere along the lines I missed

Out on what you offered me
And now it’s just too late for me
To give you my love oh please
Oh please
Don’t let this end

I don’t know how to pretend
When we can’t even be friends
I know it’s what you want but I
Only want to see your face at night

(Oh why did I let go of)
What you offered me
And now it’s just too late for me
To give you my love oh please
Oh please
Don’t let this end

Too far in to take it back now
I wanted to make this work out
But your heart’s so far away
How can you just give

Up on what you offered me
And now it’s just too late for me
To give you my love oh please
Oh please
Don’t let this end

How do I let this all slide
I just want you by my side
And now I know you want to leave
I really can’t believe

(You gave)
Up on what I offered you
Is my love not enough for you
I know I’m a jealous *****
But I just can’t see past your ****
Oh what am I supposed to do
When all I want is all of you