They left me to rot,
then called to ask how I was doing.

We're all just a bunch of dying writers
trying to live again,
only able to mend ourselves with words
never spoken aloud.
Poetry is born out of brokenness and healing,
so whether you are hurting or putting
your pieces back together,
please never stop writing.

My music only gets slower
and my lyrics sadder
just as I do

They say the devil don’t judge but I’ve met him and have never felt harsher judgement.

An angel who followed all
the right signs
and in the end
they still led you to hell.

I have begun to see myself
as someone who is labeled a burden
but I do not think that is reality
it is only how those around me
have made me feel
all I am really asking is be cared about.
I know I cannot lift myself up
or convince my mind that today
will be a good day,
and if I can’t do that for me it will be
impossible to do it for another
so I have learned that sick people
cannot take care of sick people
because no matter how hard we try
we are all just a little too tired

Why did you tell me my lips tasted like heaven
if you never planned on kissing me again?

They call you crazy
but I know you’re just lost
Choice
Is the word they use to describe your actions
“Why did she choose to leave her kids”
“Why can’t she choose to put down the bottle”
But I promise mom,
I promise you’re not crazy
because I feel it too
I’m not sure how we got here
or how we will manage to get back
but I promise we will find peace one day
and we will do it together

I know everyone says that misery loves company
But so do I.
Misery gives me something to think about,
no matter how terrible it may make me feel.
She keeps my mind occupied
While Making sure I’m never alone.
Misery takes my hand and leads me away from here,  
Sometimes we get lost,
Sometimes on purpose,
I don’t always know the way through my head like she does.
I know befriending misery is what keeps me from moving forward,
But honestly, having someone that feels like a friend is
enough

They ask me,
How do you live like this?
I live like this because I do not choose to,
Because I am a slave to my thoughts that are trying to **** me.
How can you destroy your body?
I can destroy myself because the hatred runs so deep it feels deserved.
I need to self destruct in order to feel okay.
How do you sleep at night?
I don’t sleep at night. I am haunted by my fears and the uncomfortableness in my own body.
How can you hurt those around you?
I do not choose to hurt those around me.
I love them but they no longer see me the same, bridges burned and trust broken.
I live in a prison and I am the creator.
Leave me to build my walls as I’m swallowed whole.

I’m in love with an angel
one who lit the entire night sky even when she couldn’t see the light herself
her heart held love
for every living thing except herself
I guess maybe she just ran out of space  
this angel would fight for you or for me
every opportunity she got
but she never stood a chance in saving herself

I’m hoping I make it long enough
to fill this book with my heart.

Sobriety
has brought me a clearer head
for all my thoughts to fill

And that is why I hate it

If you keep treating me as a poison,
I will only consume myself entirely.

Why would I beg for a caring hand
when I can just pay for one?

Even when the apple does fall far from the tree, that doesn’t mean it isn’t bruised on the way down.

And I know that
if I begged my mom to talk to me
before I killed myself,
she still wouldn’t pick up

I’m an ill girl with an ill mind,
grew up in an ill world and I fell behind.
They watched me grow, then watched me grow weak,
I’ve asked for help but can no longer reach.
The pain has made a home, the hatred settled in,
I’ve come to accept that I will not win.
So please don’t beg and don’t wipe my tears,
these things you’re trying to prevent I no longer fear.

I’m an ill boy with an ill life,
grew up in an ill home and I turned to the knife.
It helped me at night and it helped me to cope,
I’ve since searched to feel more and turned to dope.
This pain is far too familiar, it has become a part of me,
Ive made it clear I will not be here forever just wait and see.
So please don’t beg and don’t wipe my tears,
These things you’ve caused me to do silence my fears.

We walk and we lie with monsters
they hold our hands
caress our cheeks
plant kisses on our lips
some may even actually care
We become so sure of them
and so unsure of ourselves
that we still hold those hands even after they have bruised us
we still long for their touch
even when we know they don’t know how to caress anymore
we wish for their lips
all while they use them to spout hate in our direction
now that we know what they are capable of
their promise to love us til the end of time
is the scariest truth of all

My life did not fall apart
all at once or so suddenly
small pieces and fragments
began to wear down and
be stripped away slowly
first the distance
between my family grew
I was alone before I knew it
no longer crossing their minds
my body became weary
and my thoughts ran slower
my love for reading and school faded
love for myself declined rapidly then
I shed weight and I shed tears
remaining tucked away in my home alone
locked away with this brain
unsure if I want to stay anymore
still my questions go unanswered
why did they leave
where did my mind go
where can I find myself again.

You blamed the drugs
and you blamed the *****
Every time you took a look in the mirror
you chose to reassure yourself
instead of those you left behind
Even now after two months sober
no more drugs
and no more *****
you continue to be able to look at yourself in a mirror
and I have no ******* idea how

I’ve withered down to brittle bones
supporting a now hallowed shell,
begging the wind to take me.