Want and need are two different things
That in the midst of things just aren't fair.

I had a feeling of being High....
The only problem I had not smoked.

I want that feeling of energy rush
when you come near

I need you to show me you care
Even though we don't go there.

I want that tingly feeling all over again
When you pull me against your body

I need you by my side...

But I guess I need my family more.

I want to lay next you for hours on end
Forgetting that the world even Exists.

I need to stay with my family...
But it's really hard when all I WANT

is to be with you...

Want  and Need are to very different things
That in the midst of things just aren't fair.

the word ' we '

frightens me

its difficult when

'you'  in the 'we' leaves

its difficult to be

'me' again . . .

Im not mad at you.
Im mad at me.
Im mad that i get so attached
When you obviously arent
I just dont know what to do with myself anymore
Im so tired of being sad
Im tired of not feeling like im enough
Maybe it would be easier if we just stopped
Because i cant keep falling if theres nothing there to catch me

all i know is
it's getting harder and harder
to pretend like
i'm fine with being your
just friend
when every time i pass you
and you smile at me
and your lips part
and your mouth opens
all i can think about
is slamming my lips against yours
until i cannot see the image of his lips touching yours
anymore
and you are bruised with my love
because all i know is
the evening you kissed me
last summer
by my front door
i felt every nerve ending ignite with fire
and i could hear music in my head
like a movie
and i couldn't get the taste of your chapstick out of my mouth for 3 whole days

Part of me
                                    Feels empty
A hollow shell
                                    Non-existent
The other part
                                    Bubbles with anxiety
A tightness
                                    I can't lose

They are not mixed together

But they are also not pushing each other away

They are just coexisting

Something that shouldn't happen

That couldn't happen

So why is it happening now

?

I have a heart I made of paper mache,
and, a mask made the same way.

One to fill a vacant place inside.
The other, a lie.
But they still see my eyes
behind that smiling face.

They all see my eyes.

My heart made of paper,
and, a mask I made,
to face my friends.

Because they don’t understand.

The way that the hurting they said will fade away,
Never did...
Stayed the same.

So I pretend.
I wear that face.
Smiling like they think I should.

A paper smile protects my pride.
A paper heart remains to this day.

Heart made of paper,
fills an empty place.
A paper thin mask,
I use to face each day,
smiling for me,
to make them believe...
I am okay.

I've stood where you stand
Heart in my hand
Begging to be loved
But it's never enough

You can't create matter from nothingness
You can't make yourself matter in an empty heart

I try to think what I would want
I try to remember what I wanted
All I can come up with is what I didn't want

I didn't want to lose my best friend

You
you walked into my life
unannounced yet so prominent and visible among the rest
and amongst all the unrest and panic and hazy smoke from ghosts of fiery emotions I could hear you, see you, understand you, feel you in my heart.... though I refused to admit it at the time.

everything i've loved, i've lost.