Bone breaking,
Aching,
Loneliness,
It’s the marrow in your bones now,
Seeping out,
When they crack open

I hope you are reading this
In fact I hope you save this
Sometimes I think about kissing you
I think about our bodies pressed against each other
Big hands gripping my thighs
It’s the first night I brought you back to my apartment
We are on the little couch
But it’s more than that
I think about how
Heaven
Met
Earth
In between
Our thighs

what does it mean when you cant get someone out of your head

sometimes you lie awake and think about their face in bed

Even though they are there and you are here, both of you possessing different warm bodies

Does it mean your just obsessing and the stressing is making it worse

Some kind of thrill in wondering if they thought of you too

Looked at you down to your shoes, hanging on every word you say as it drips from your mouth propelling them down into a puddle

It means nothing

I thought I heard something like
you calling my name
But it was just the wind
Rustling through these trees and leaves
It’s so still
You might be able to hear
Gods whisper though

I missed you
I thought to myself in my kitchen, candle light beating against my face
As it flickered
By and by
I was still allowed to think about you
In the lonely hours

There isn’t at least one moment
Where I don’t think of you
On any day
Even when you are away

And in the thick of the dark night blanketing over us, as I laid there next to him, he said “I can usually always tell”
“with this person I was a little confused, with this other person I was also a little confused, usually there is always some moment where I can tell, but with you I can see no difference, no confusion”
Those words sat in my chest and permeated through me, like hot Texas heat taking up every inch of your body, baking.

Forgive me
If I repeat the little details
I’m trying to cram in as much as I can
While I still have the time
I try to say everything but
How much I’m in love with you
How much I wish I could drive to you right now
Share some time with you

****
I wish it were me
Instead of her
I love you so much

Are you as sad as I am without you
I won’t say that I’m without joy
Because I do find certain moments
But nothing
Nothing compares to how I feel
When you say hi to me

I take what I can get
While you give it
I think about how I missed having that
Valentines date with you last year
I took my mom to Eddie V’s instead
And I thought about why you disappeared again
I love you so much
I’ve been waiting for another chance, and I was unsure if you had even been interested in one
Life doesn’t feel as good when you aren’t in it
Even when it’s good
I know it could be great
All of these meals and memories
I want to share them with you
And from the moment you left your wedding
I’ve only ever loved you
Or tried to find people who remind me of you
I don’t want to wait to see you again
I want to hug you and touch your hands
I want to talk to you for hours

I hope our kids find something like this
And they never let it go
Because I’ll never meet anyone else like this
Not like this

Do you come and go
Because it’s hard for you
Is it hard to talk to me
And think of everything we could be
Because I’d be with you
In anyway I could

I wish I could know you
Maybe some other time
Maybe some other life

I’ll daydream about you for now

Ive been exhausted
I’ve eat the dirt and
I’ve drowned before
I almost died
Maybe once or twice
But I’m still here
I’m still here I could appreciate
The sun, the moon, and the stars

Because I wake up in the morning
And start my day thinking about you
Somewhere between packing lunches
And taking Gabriel to school
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night too
I think you must be somewhere there
Me on your mind as well
I will never be able to love anyone else the way that I love you
The worst part is being able to move on, knowing nothing will ever be good enough
Nothing will ever be the same
Nothing will ever matter as much
I have moved on to focusing on my sons life
To get him to his happy place
I wonder when I will look up and see my own wrinkled hands
Even then, I know I will miss you
That’s what breaks me, knowing we will go from old to young
It makes no sense, you are my soulmate you know
Even after all this time, even after all these years
It’s all the same, how I feel inside about you
All the dust you kicked up, has settled
And I know now that you see me there too
It’s why you can’t help yourself
Please call me
Call me call me call me
We can talk and be full

I want to whisper words
That make you think about me
Before you fall asleep

She said she worries
But I’m not worried
I want to breathe her air
And wrap her around me

She is beautiful
The Sun sets in her eyes
And rises with her smile

And God,
I am so lucky to know her

There is no rhyme or reason
For why I met you
There is no bigger picture
But ****
You made my heart ache
And I wish I made you feel that way

I’m starting to slip again
Reverting back again
Down the necks of bottles
Give it to me straight

I don’t want to be awake
I don’t want to feel this pain

That was that
My hands were shaken
The dust was clean from me

I am baking in the sunshine
Basking in the mighty height of Oregon trees
I just wanted to share that with you
I wanted to tell you that even when you aren’t here
Even when you are combing your daughters hair
And even when I’m standing on this mountain
I love you

And I can’t tell you how many times
I’ve been a fool
Time and time again
When honey drips from a
Sweet
man’s
lips

I’d like to say that your silence means you do not care
But the profoundness
Is what makes it a lie
I love you
Where ever you are right now
On gods green earth

Hey, it’s me again
I just had a dream about you
I sent you a message
I was asking if your silence was all my fault
And you simply replied that it was
But when I woke up,
Still an empty inbox
No word from you
It’s been months
It’s been years