I am so stupid
I've checked my phone
5 times in the last 60 seconds
And I jump
Every time it lights up
Hoping it's a message from you
I've tagged you in 10 posts today
Thinking that maybe
You'll see them and message me
I am so stupid

I keep writing messages and deleting them
and writing and deleting
and hoping I'll gain the courage to send one
to tell you how much I still care
how much I still hurt

Tell me
Tell me how i got so hollow

I press a palm to my throat
where i feel my heart beat hardest
thinking
maybe a gentle hand will calm it

The earth longs for my bones
With each passing day its hunger grows

I've been thinking a lot about how many mouths have touched yours lately
and how
mine's not one of them

My heart aches for lucifer
and all the love he could have known
if he had only been shown forgiveness

I don't know
If my words will be strong enough
to describe how much
I want you

It just keeps getting harder to breath

A hollow feeling creeps into my chest cavity
And I am lost

Why would i choose to stand
to fight
when im sure that the weight
that will not stop tugging at my sleeve
the weight of existing
would feel so much better
if i let it drag me to the ground
and pull me beneath the earth
let me be heavy
let me give up
let me end

How many ways
can you tell a person
how empty you are

How many times
do you repeat yourself
before everyone
gets tired of listening

You were so beautiful
so loved
But what have you become ?
What has the seduction of evil made you ?
I can barely recognize my own brother
Years upon years, AN ETERNITY, we spent together
But I do not know this creature who stands before me
This world
The Heavens
Even I
Have nothing more you can take
Yet you still hunger
I fear that now there cannot be any redemption for you
If there was a spark of hope left
Even after all you have done to hurt me
I would kneel before father and grovel for your soul
But I know that my fears are truth
There is no redemption for what you have become
Do you understand?
I am his second in command
Just as you were his first
You cannot come home
And I cannot leave you here to wreak destruction over mankind
I must destroy you
And I pray I cease to exist in the process
For I do not want to live with my brother's blood on my hands

In all the Millions of years people have existed
In all the Millions of years they have yet to live
Somehow
Somewhere inbetween
Was us

Its been a few days since i last saw you
But Im still thinking about the little curls at the end of your hair
And the little crinkles next to your eyes
And
How my heart takes off when you smile

Im so mentally unstable right now
---
I just want blood
I want hands pulling my limbs from their sockets
I want to rip the hair from my head
And dismember every digit on my two hands
To have my intestines pulled from my body hand over hand
I want to be lying dead on the floor in a mess of parts you can't tell is me

We are young
But We are Strong
Inside our Heads
A War Wages On

We were made
Warriors too soon
Never had the chance
To grow
To bloom

In every moment
Of every day
I wish
I wish for things
I know I cant have
But that's the point of a wish isn't it
Wishes are a form of longing
And I long only for things that are not mine to have

Wow

I ****