I was used as a temporary coping device.
I am trying not to be ignored, but also trying not to be seen as clingy.
I will continue feeling pain without changing anything and just see what happens.

I ask myself, "What's the point?",
Then end up rolling another joint,
Completely forgetting the question,
Never again to be mentioned,
Or brought up again ever,
These are the thoughts that must be severed,
Because thinking about it,
Makes me want to end it all, just quit,
So I sit and I stall in the pit,
Of loneliness under sedatives,
See me and say, "yeah, he kind of lives",
But obviously, I'm mostly dead,
A hunk of sad flesh that wants love instead,
Of more common necessities,
Dot your I's and cross your T's,
Hide the cries of impossibilities,
Fantasize over all the fantasies,
Climb to the highest point and feel the breeze,
That blows you off into the lake of fire,
In the lake there's many demons for hire,
They will sell you lies that are drugs and *****,
Feels at the top, but game over, you lose,
Still writhing at the bottom of the pit,
Dancing in blood and the phlegm of your spit,
You thought it made you rise but it didn't,
Still below it all and back to question,
"What's the point", lay down the bottle, rest gin,
Tuck it away, you're tucking it to sleep,
As you're woke again, you're back on your feet,
You talk about your problems to people,
Realize their solvable, you're feeble,
When it comes to talking about this stuff,
I want you to hear me, off with your muffs,
The abuse and pain, the love and the wealth,
Talking about this helped me understand myself,
As I continued to talk, the depressive thoughts fleeted,
Now I guess a good listener was all that I needed.

Hearing sirens and sad music,
The worlds gone and I'm acoustic,
I live for the amusement,
Of getting picked then I refuse it,
Cause I'm the master of my own domain,
Cause I chose to ride on this ****** up train,
Which puts all of these messed up thoughts in my brain,
For you it's called life, for me it's called fame.

A
Big
Complication:
Dealing
Emotions
For
Great
Heaps
Inasmuch
Jea­lousy
Kicks
Low
Medially
Now
Over
Passion
Quickly
Running
Strands­
Triggering
Unexpected
Voices
X-Ray
Yields
Zest

Actually feeling like death is better,
Better than letting her borrow my sweater,
Cold but she needs the warmth more and pleasure,
Doesn’t come easy when we’re talking Heather,
Endlessly flowing love has nowhere to go,
Fire and water that will burn and will flow,
Getting pain and repose all in one blow,
How do you regulate love? no one knows,
Infidelity fills the atmosphere,
Just like how the mug and all of your beer,
Kills you over time quickly drawing you near,
Little voices, the insanity premier,
More drugs to drown the drastic discomfort,
No way you know how much I have suffered,
Open the blinds but keep emotions covered,
Painfully black and white out the colors of,
Quirky emotions that fall off the shelf,
Remind yourself that nobody can help,
So you end up understanding that the self,
Tortures you and you can’t blame anyone else,
Under pressure and stress twenty-four seven,
Violence seeping out pores till’ I’m deafened,
Woke-wise so I won’t make it to heaven,
Xenophobe so no change cause depression,
Yields surprising results in the face of,
Zipped up introverts in the place of poets.

I ran like I said I would,
Something I never thought could,
Possibly happen to someone like me,
A depressed sailor that is lost at sea,
It's mid-day, but it's so cold,
Out in this dumb tale untold,
My mom has probably called the police,
And tried to put my sisters minds at ease,
By telling them some white lie,
So they don't worry and cry,
Probably tried calling all of my friends,
Which might just cause a reaction which sends,
Their parents out to find me,
This is realistically,
The current outcome of this sad, sad day,
Maybe I am also lost in my ways,
Just like my eldest sister,
Gives two *****, but I still missed her,
When she was at the mental hospital,
Doesn't have a way to cope, like riddles,
Poems, playing music or just listening,
Acts ******, but wants to grow up and sing,
Then there is the step-brother and father,
A couple ***** I try to not bother,
With even though I have to live with them,
Living is ******* bile, mucus, and phlegm,
All mixed into one "delicious" dessert,
Continue eating but it ******* hurts,
As I'm freezing in the cold and writing,
I think I realized the lie I'm fighting,
Maybe I'm trying to see who still cares,
Mainly the girl in all of my nightmares,
I dream of her at least once every night,
Nothing scary either, never a fright,
Dreams of fairly normal activities,
No matter what it is, puts me at ease,
Because her presence is what I care for,
That's how I know it's love deep in my core,
Boiling for someone who doesn't love me,
At least that is how I've come to perceive,
The relationship between me and her,
A lovely ***** that is obsessed with fur,
Sometimes I like to see how long I can,
Go on in a poem without the mention,
Of heartbreak or the heartbreaker, Heather,
As fierce as a lion, yet a feather,
Something delicate, couldn't hurt a soul,
But could tear a heart and let em' just roll,
On with life and never mention a thing,
Like there was nothing there, like it don't sting,
I guess I failed and I mentioned her name,
I am the only person that's to blame,
I might just attempt round two tomorrow,
Meanwhile, leave me to drown in my sorrow.