Being hated for no apparent reason. (Which happens quite often I must add.)

Not reaching my goals in life.

Giving up.

People getting the wrong impression of me.

Never finding love.

Meeting my ***** donor,
or not meeting him.

Smoking until my lungs are dry.

Drinking until I die.

Guy never loving me.

Never seeing Rach again.

Hiding behind a mask for the rest of my life.

Loving the wrong person.

Never loving at all.

Rejection.

Public speaking.

Razors & open wounds.

Any death but my own.

At the ATL concert Monday night I got to thinking. Every little thing at a concert that happens, the wait, the actual concert, and the memories, they save people, make them happy. I remember the wait for Warped, that’s when my depression was really bad and I was planning to **** myself, knowing that I was going to be there, in that crowd made me want to keep living. After the Sleeping with Sirens concert, I didn’t cut months after that concert. And the complete feeling of euphoria of actually being there in front of the people who were there for you when no one else was. It makes you think, “oh I actually am happy, it isn’t the pills,” or “wow, maybe there is another way I can actually make myself feel better besides cut.” Just knowing how much you mean to the members, you can just tell in their voices how much they care; how comfortable they are with you, how serious they can get, how they carry on each and every single song. Concerts, bands save lives, so if you say they don’t, you have no idea what it feels like to have nothing to live for except music. Music has saved my life, and I have no way to repay those that have made the music, played the shows, and cared for me. There is no way I can repay them for them giving me my life back. Thank you to all of the bands that have done so, thank you.

What is behind the stars in the dark night sky?
Please don't tell me nothing,
because nothing is something.

Oh, and what is deep beneath the ocean which we cannot see?
Are there mermaids or
maybe whole another universe?

Now tell me,
is happiness truly real or is it something spoken in fairytales?

I have an open mind.
I have a sense of magic that children have in themselves.

Just please tell me:
what happens when I die?

I am told that I should love my body,
and I should not be ashamed.
BUT the white, conservative men tell me otherwise, making me feel nothing but shame.

When did it become okay for a male's education to be more important than a woman's rights?

When did it become okay to sexualize a woman just because her shirt does not cover her rear end?

This is apparent in the things my teachers have told me.
"Your shirt must be fingertip length when wearing yoga pants," she said.
"Why?"
"Because the males that sit in the class might be too destracted to listen to my lecture."

We are treated like *** toys.
Us girls are used for nothing more than a mans pleasure, so they imply.

This is MY body, and no one else's.
I may do what I please,
and no one should have a problem with it.

I refuse to be sexualized and treated like we are living in the 1920s.
But I must conform and live in fear of my consequences.

**** culture is real,
and school's are promoting it.

I don't have a father,
can I at least have a mother?

Don't hate someone just because they hate you.

2. ALWAYS be the bigger person.

3. Don't quickly judge someone.

4. You may lose people, but you will gain ones who are better.

5. Everything changes at one point.

6. Try to see opinions from both sides.

7. There are two sides to every story.

8. Some people aren't going to like you, and that's okay.

9. Speak up in class, no one is going to laugh at you.

10. Don't be shy around the person you like, they're just a person as you are.

11. No one is going to die because you failed that one test.

12. School isn't just about grades.

13. Taking one day off of school won't **** you.

14. If you put negitive thoughts out in the universe, chances are, fate won't be on your side.

15. Don't push yourself to the point of a panic attack.

16. You will always love the person you fell in love with, and you need to learn to cope.

17. Just because you're posting about them, it doesn't mean they will message you.

18. Wear a dress to school, who cares if people judge you.

19. Look on the bright side of things in every situation.

20. Always be youself, and don't change for anyone.

stop crying.
dont eat.
forget about it.
stop ******* crying.
you dont need food.
hes never going to like you.
stop crying.
she hates you.
stop crying
stop thinking about food.
dont bathe.
stop crying.
dont get up.
no school work.
he's better than you.
stop crying.
she takes pity on you.

stop.
crying.

I was worried it would come back.
--the self hatred I mean.

Deep down I knew it would.

I don't know if it's a bad week,
or I'm going into that hole again.

I purged my soul out,
and I felt happy.

I had a dream I cut to my vein,
and I woke up content.

Now,
someone might get worried reading this,
don't.

It might just have been a horrible week,
but I guess we will soon find out.

He's beautiful,
but he's not mine to touch.

Your smell stained my pillow again.
Your snores rang in my ears.
My head was buried in your chest.

And I've never felt so at peace in my life.

its funny because no one knows
the *truth.

I am not the person I was two years ago,
but I can't stop the thoughts.

I should be rotting 6 feet under the ground.
I should be growing into flowers.
I should be dead rather than waiting to die.

you may have lost her,
but you got me back.

I tell myself on a daily basis that I love myself,
how I look.

I've started to hate myself as the days go on.
My hair.
My eyes.
My cheeks.
My eyebrows.
My flawed skin.
My big hips.
My huge thighs.
My fat stomach.

I keep telling myself,
"you're gorgeous!!"

I can't do it.
I hate myself.

I'm ugly as can be.
Pictures show it.

My face is too oily,
my lips are too dry.

When will I become pretty?
I fear it to be never.

The hatred is back,
and I'm hating it.

and you make me feel so vulnerable.

The thought of her is like a boomerang,
it always comes back.

I understand it,
you hate me.
But,
must you be so ******* immature about it?

I've found a home
in a new pair of
eyes.

Elegant her mind was,
the beauties of
death,
blood,
sadness.

Elegant her skin was,
scarred,
tarnished.

Elegant her thoughts were,
pills,
blade,
noose,
drown.

Elegant she was,
or every one thought she was.

Her real elegance didn't show through her every day life,
only to those who wanted to hear,
and those that wanted to hear were
the demons.

Her elegance, in the end
is what destroyed her,
leaving the truth behind,
she wasn't so elegant after all.

Could we ever be together?

How did I
ever love
you?

I'm tired,
and she's beautiful.

i don't know how i will heal this time

You don't seem real anymore.

could you ever love me the same way you did
those few years ago?

I've been getting attached to useless boys,
falling in love as each day goes by.
I'm not true to myself anymore.
I'm lost,
and I don't know if I want to be found.

And I dream of
us again.

I hate everything that we've become.

I'm going to throw up
every feeling
I've ever had for you.

im having a crisis,
and you're probably just fine.

Do you remember that night?
Not that night,
but the night where everything was
simple,
peaceful.

We layed on the trampoline,
it was around 30 degrees outside.

I was cuddled into your side,
your body is always warm.

We stared at the stars.
I can't tell you for how long,
but it felt infinate,
neverending.

Jupiter peaked through an abundance of trees,
you pointed and asked
what planet that was.

I told you of my favorite constellation
and showed you.

Do you remember my favorite
constellation?

More importantly,
do you even remember that night?

MY LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH HATRED,
BUT I'M STILL BREATHING.
I'M SUFFOCATING.
PLEASE SAVE ME.

I
regret
the
day
I
met

you.

My thoughts took me down the stairs,
it was fuzzy as can be.
Everything was blurry,
I could not see.
Found my way into the kitchen,
took a pill.
I thought maybe I could take several more,
hoping during the night they would ****.

The fuzziness subsided,
and I lay in my bed.
I did not go downstairs,
and I sure wasn't dead.

It was all just a daydream,
a dream never to come true.
A dream different than any others,
and it sure won't shoo.
They are scary as hell,
not that I mind.
It's weird,
I like them I find.

I'm moving on.
It's over.
We're done.

I'm giving you up.

i know why no one will ever love me or want me.
It's not hard to decipher.
i'm easy to leave and forget,
and you're the reason i know that now.

one day i will be able
to listen to
our
song without hearing
you
in every word.

I can't sleep.
It's because of you.

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.

I have love on my mind,
and a body that's always next to mine.
I'm still having those thoughts
that turn into huge knot.
My scars are starting to be mended,
oh, how I thought it had ended.

I wish I had
the **** sway of her hips
and lips that sing ***** words
and ****,
those eyes,
they lust over the man of her dreams.

I just want to be hot and appealing,
is that too much to ask?

The heavens
can only cry
for so
long.

I simply cannot speak to you.
Maybe it's not so simple, actually.
It's the thought of your smell.
I'm trying not to recall your smile.
I might have to ****** myself so I don't ponder over those things.
Your voice.
Your eyes.
My thoughts are cramped,
killing me by the second.
Tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
Soon I'll be dead.

I can still taste you
I can still hear your moans ringing in my ears
I can still feel your body heat in my side

I can hear the tone of your voice when you told me
"I don't care"