I can't quite explain
how this happened
and why.
But I can't
stay away from your
touch,
smell,
love.
You couldn't stay
away from me.

I've been afraid
all my life.
I've waited for
you.
I never expected
someone like you.
I couldn't predict
you would mean this much
the day I first saw you.
You are my world.

Many wait a life time
for a person that would
fill the emptiness in
their heart.
Some die still waiting
for that stinging touch
from a special loved one.

I'm lucky.
You found me.

I don't know and
can't know what tomorrow,
next week,
next year,
next decade
will bring.

All I know is that
when I walk
into the Commons
of the center of my
school,
I swear I will weep in
your arms.

"I can't do this anymore.
I need you."

It's a blur.
All a blur.
You.
Me.
Us.
What happened?
I'm so messed up.
I can't breathe.
Why would you?
How could you?
Do I mean nothing?
Have I always meant nothing?
Why now?

I can't go back.

I'm not fully ready to be with you
I am still figuring myself out
But what if being ready is a myth
Fabricated by those who let fear win
I don't want to let this linger any longer
I need you under my skin
I need you in my veins
In my sheets
In my arms
You have been in my mind
Since the fourth of July
And I can't stand pretending anymore
I know it's not smart
But I need to follow my heart

..And it leads me to you.

I'm moving on.
It's over.
We're done.

I'm giving you up.

I still feel the pressure of your lips on mine.

It disgusts me.

You deserve so much more than the world and I'm sorry I'm not quite ready to give it to you, but I'm trying to be. I just want to be the best possible version of myself and I sure as hell have a lot to work on and I don't want to hurt you, so that's why I'm trying to keep you at a distance. I want you to be happy and I want to be there when you are and when you're not and I just want to make you smile and *******, I just want to hold your hand and to tell you that it's all gonna be okay. But everything is so complicated and my thoughts are jumbled and my throat is so tight and it's hard to say my true feelings because I need to fix some things before I can give you what you deserve. Hell, I'm probably much less that what you actually deserve, but I'd be a lot of things if it meant that I could just see you smile again and again and again.
I just need to get through some things and then you'll see, oh honey, you'll see that I'm just trying to be the best that I know I can and will be.

I never wanted an apology
I just want my life back.
I just want my breath back.
*I want you to mean nothing...