I thought his touch would cure me,
but it only left me aching.
I thought his words would soothe me,
but they only left me wondering.
I thought his smile would lift me,
but so far it's bringing me down.
I thought our midnight confessions would clear the air,
but now it's more foggy than before.
I thought waking up in his arms would be heaven,
but I am still as lost as ever.
I thought he would make me forget about the others,
but he just brought back the memories.
I thought he would make the buzzing go away,
but now I know I just think too much.

Laying in his arms felt like treason,
Why after wanting it for so long?
All I could think about was you,
He kept asking about you,
"How is he? You guys official yet?"
"No, and I don't think we ever will be,
So just hold me tonight."
We talked about life,
It came back to you.
We talked about death,
It came back to you.
We talked about relationships,
It came back to you.
It felt so good to be in his arms,
But I kept thinking,
"If only it was you."

I wish you would come crawling back,
Begging me,
Kneeling at my door.
Tell me it was a mistake and you never want to let me go.
Tell me the lies she told you to drive you away from me.

This next time I would be the strong one,
The one that would tell you "leave."
I could be the cold one,
My turn to be the ***.

But we all know I would take you back,
I miss you too much to not.
Your big brown eyes and strong hands
Turn my no's into yes's every time.

It pulls me in,
always towards you.
Maybe it's the thought
of what we could be,
should be.

Maybe it's because I don't want to let my family down.
"Why dont you have a boyfriend to show us yet?"
They all ask or think.
"I don't know."
It's all I can muster.

I know this isn't true.
I like you because you are genuine,
you aren't like the others.
You have culture,
you appriciate the value of simple words.
Maybe it's fate pulling me towards you.
All I know is,
I don't mind.

The dance of you is sure and slow.
You pull me in,
hold me tight.
We sway to our own music,
a melody only our souls can hear.
My head on your chest,
your hands on my hips.
Our rhythm is slow and building,
just like those old swing songs you love so much.
We can dance like this forever,
for the rest of our lives.

Let me go,
Let me be free.
Release me please.
I am moving on I swear,
But the careless mentions,
The random appearances are wearing me down.
I just need to get back to normal,
But what if I don't remember what that is anymore?
I have strayed so far,
Broken down who I once was.
I need a return to You,
But why does that seem so hard.
They all are speaking ill of Your name,
Damning Your presence.
I need a return to You.
Please help me find who I am again.
Bring me back to You.

And this is what he said:
"to hold your hand walking through the trees,
to lie together in the fallen leaves,
to kiss your cheeck as if i'm snow,
to know my heart follows where you go."

Your words are far too kind,
and you arent the person I had in mind to speak them.
They make me feel loved if just for a moment
and hopefully one day another will make them true for me.
Your friendship is as sweet as honey and I thank you
for giving me hope.

It's official,
I'm moving on.
It's clear you like her,
So thanks for the warning.
We can still be friends,
I won't be bitter.
I am really used to this sort of thing.
How can I move on so quickly?
It's easy when you are accustomed to the hurt.
It's really fine,
I will find a man without the baggage,
I was willing to take yours on,
But you wouldn't let me in.
I admit you had me wound in pretty tight,
Tangled in your web.
Now I have broken free,
And I can see,
You were right,
I am better off without you.

Weddings are a funny thing.
I want to feel happy for the couple,
But my cynical side boils up
Spits acid into my brain
And plays visions of doubts in front of me.
It doesn't help when people ask me why I am still single.
"I am focusing on me this semester.
I don't have time for a boy right now."
That rehearsed lie is the same every time.
Maybe next time I will tell them I am a nun.
At least that way I will have an excuse that they will believe.
Until then I will watch while the girls in white
twirl with their boys in tuxes,
And smile along with the crowd on the edge of the dance floor.

*****,
So unclean,
Definitely not pure.
Why has so much changed?
This isn't me.
I need to get back to where I was.
You could help me get there.
Please be a good influence.
Please take me to church.
I need you and I need God.
Help me feel good about myself again.
I don't want to compromise anymore.
From now on,
I am in this for me.

When the world is drenched in grey, that is when I feel the most alive.
Cool drops hitting my skin, it's like each is a bit of knowledge awakening my soul.
All the colors muted, mine seem to shine.
You can't keep a good girl down, or at least that is that the saying is.
Splashing through puddles, water speckles on my glasses.
This is when I truly feel alive.

"No I'm not the man I used to be lately,
See you met me at an interesting time"

-I don't mind. I like things interesting.

"If my past is any sign of your future,
You should be warned before I let you inside"

-Give me all the warning you want. It won't stop me from wanting to know you more.

"Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through"

-I think I found it. I think it's you.

"I don't trust myself with loving you."

-I'm scared too.

"Who do you love me or the thought of me? Me or the thought of me?"

-Maybe both. I am scared to admit it to myself.

"I don't trust myself with loving you."

-I don't either, I don't either.

I'm one of those girls,
That keeps a note pad by her bed,
Lays awake all night just thinking.
I'm one of those girls,
That replays moments in her head,
That thinks of words she left unsaid.
I'm one of those girls,
Always just a friend,
Nothing more.
I'm one of those girls,
One that hopes that maybe you will say,
"You're not one of those girls,
You're just the girl for me."

The endless cycle,
Or so it goes.
You pull me in,
Then let me go.
Tell me you want me,
Even if it's a lie.
That's all I need,
Just for one night.
I want to feel your rough hands,
Temble at your soft kiss.
You know what it takes
To send me into sure bliss.
I want to cry in your arms,
Laugh by your side.
I want to be the one you confess to,
The one that makes your eyes go wide.
I can only hope for this,
And not much more.
I can be your now,
Better than the ones before.

It kills me
To see what he had
With her.

Can I ever have that?

The sparkle in his eye,
That outrageous smile.

I want him to have that again.

I want to have that too.

I want us to have that together.

But I always want what I can't have.

Moving on is such a hard thing to do.
Life will go on,
with or without you.
I need to learn how to let go.
I need to learn how to be free.
Tears should no longer sting at the back of my eyes.
You aren't worth it anymore.

Kiss me on the forehead,
And push my hair to the side.
Pull me into your arms
And tell me it will be alright.
Whisper in my ear by the light of the moon,
"My heart is all yours."
Dreamers will always dream,
But this one I hope to make true.