My first rejection Email arrived today
during a rainy day at work
My phone vibrated once in my pocket
We are sorry to inform you
due to an influx of submissions
we will not be publishing your piece
we wish you luck in your future writing endeavors
the staff
of course,
me being me,
my first reaction was to be *******
a child not allowed that really sweet action figure
because
"We need food"
but after stewing on it a while
I realized
I need this
because it's not success which defines us
a lucky guy can succeed
it's how we respond to defeats
the big ones
the small ones
the oh my god why don't I just quit
failures
that they'll write in the book of judgement
long after we are just dust
trapped inside of a coffin

You kissed away the scratches,
turned them into rose petals.

I am heavy
         heavy
         heavy
         with fear that you'll find someone
         who can love you better than I can

she had her lingering pale blue eyes
and long blonde hair
skin like paper
dotted here and there with freckles
She was the first
way back when
in the first grade
her name haunted that old farm house
she was the first

A friends sister
back in the sixth grade
she was two years older than me
and **** it
she carried it well
I'd sit next to her
on the sofa
waiting for my friend
to come down the stairs
so we could walk to school

The short brunette
who loved the Chicago Bears
watching that super bowl
in the rec room of my parents' house
truth or dare
a peck on the lips
my seventh grade conquest
bathed in nostalgia
I don't remember who won
I don't even remember who was playing

high school came
and brought with it
a new field of roses
some of them wilted
all of them perfect
I told her she would have made a great mother
and I meant it
my best friend's girl

The little church girl
little robin red cheeked
prom night photos
suits and dresses
and smiles and holding
crystallized in the flash of a Nikon

The girl with her guitar
and her poster
carpe that ******* diem
her upper teeth
came out below her curling lip
and when she smiled
a hint of gums
a hint of pearl
the one that time
placed out of reach
in some other place
with some other people

For one night
there was the blonde bombshell
she came to town once a year
like a hurricane
a natural disaster
that I stood outside waiting for
with my umbrella

The ones who were smarter than me
the ones who loved me
when I didn't
the ones who laughed
at my smart *** comments
the ones who were there
to pull me from
the flipped wreckage
of the silver hyundai accent that I miss so much
the ones who wouldn't take any of my ****
the one's I see walking by on the street
the one's I only see behind closed eyelids
the special love I have for all of them
all of them
my baby blue

She eats with bare hands;
A handful of garbage,
A mouthful of life. A day's
Survival and revival,

And healing  of a frail
Body failed by a society
Of affluence, by a faith
Preaching benevolence.

She is an anathema to the
Conscience shaped by a
Consciousness that defines
Being as having. Having

Her before our very eyes
Is itself a sin to our very
Selves, if not to a God who
Sees our humanity as frail

As this child's body.

                           "How is it, that every
                           Execution offends us more
                           Than a ******? It is the
                           Coldness of judges, the painful

                            Preparation that a child is
                            Here being used as a means to
                            Deter reality. For guilt is not
                            Being punished , even if there

                            Were guilt; guilt lies in the
                            Educators, the parents, the
                            Environment, in us, not in her
                            Innocence.**"

I like you most with cracks;
there's a reason shells are so easily broken.
Nothing that is for proof is for truth,
Vulnerability is not a weakness.

and shells are necessary to our protection,
but we are the most true versions of ourselves between sheets.
that said it is your whole that i am falling in safety with
slowly, at first

You said don't overthink this
and don't go writing me
any of those ******* love poems
because we both know this isn't love
I said,
you look nice with no shorts on
thanks,
you said
I said I love the way you look without those pesky denim shorts
you told me to stop being a smart ***
but let's be honest
we both knew
you were getting on that plane
and that I was going to write this poem anyways

" its all *******."
she mouthed
cocking a drunken head and lighting a broken cigarette

I looked her up,
                         up,
                             up,


and down again.
"Between just us
as friends
it'll be fine
just fine in the-"

"I know."
as she looked away
she showed me soft grace
a wrinkled nose and tired eyes
posture of those patron saints

I poured out two gins
taking both
she smiled
both gone
not a single
sip
saved.

"You're beautiful"
I mumbled
and
she smirked.
Made upward movement
taking a lucky
she brought fire
up to the tip.




Lips pursed together
tongue pushing
spit
around the dirt
at my feet.

When we were done
she lay back arching
those fluttered eyes
aching muscles
the auburn curls
her smile as i played
our sighs together.

Petting
heavy
heavy as the world sitting
on my worried head.

He was chilling.
He carried himself with a frozen solidarity,
something that Robert frost himself would be proud of.
Every candle that tried to melt the ice around him only melted any hope he had,
farther into the ground.

She was not just any candle though,
she was a blazing inferno.  
Something that cause's even the most blinded eyes to turn and stare in awe.
The gleam,
burned his stubbornness,
his fear
and his sarrow.
Now his hope and love, along with her, were the only things that stood solid.
So they burned brightly together,
Into the night,
through the morning
and above in the stars.
A beautiful blaze.