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 Oct 2013 Sinai
AJ Claus
Everything is so big.
The people, the places, the things.
Even the words.
What does "discipline" mean?
Ow!
Why did you hit me?
Did I do something wrong?
Oh, I'm not allowed to draw on the walls?
But I want to color...
I want to draw the green lollipops,
The ones with brown stems.
What did mommy call them?
Trees?
So big!
They tower over me like the sky over the earth.
I go outside to play under the skyscraper trees.
Birdies soar from branch to branch,
Just out of reach,
Like my toy airplane flies over my imaginary village
Where I am the president.
Oh look, little eggs!
Baby birdies not yet torn free from their shell cells.
Mommy said I was in an egg once.
I wonder where storks live,
And how they carry such a giant egg!
Wait, does that make the stork my mommy?
Mommy says it's time for a nap.
But I want to play!
All day, every day!
There's no other way;
I'm a kid, I must play.
But mommy's in charge,
And she says it's not okay,
So instead I lay
In bed for an hour,
Though it feels like all day.
I awake to bright light,
My eyes wide, like a child's always are.
Mommy says we're going on an adventure,
Taking a trip to a magic man
Who heals people with his own two hands.
I ride in the back in my special seat
Of mommy's giant, wheeled robot.
I'm still waiting for it to transform.
She puts on my favorite music.
It makes me want to
Row
Row
Row
My own boat down a stream.
We finally get to the magician
And I'm still humming to my songs.
I walk in
And see fishies in a big box filled with water.
Mommy calls it their house,
Where the fish families live and grow up together.
I hear my name, called out by a stranger.
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
I don't move,
But mommy pushes me towards the man
And through a big door.
I squeeze my mouth shut and look at my feet.
I must not speak to this stranger.
I'm wondering if I can trust him
When he brings me into a room
With duckies on the pale blue walls.
There is a table in the middle of the room.
The stranger tells me to sit on it.
I don't move.
Mommy repeats the request,
And with the pain in my bottom
Still alive and tingling,
I sit, cringing.
The stranger leaves (thank goodness)
And the magician in a white mask
(To hide his identity I bet)
Comes into the room.
He asks mommy some questions,
And then I feel cold hands
On my back, face, tummy,
And I wonder
What magic powers he is using on me.
He turns around and I smile at mommy,
But it changes into a frown and wider eyes
When he turns back with a
Long,
Pointy,
Shiny,
Metal
Stick.
Maybe it's a knife.
Mommy says I should stay away from knives
And other pointy things.
But then this magician makes his wand disappear.
Into my arm.
With the pain searing through me,
I scream.
Not a magician or a healer,
A threat, trying to hurt me.
Mommy tries to calm me down,
Tell me it's okay.
But it's not okay, and I scream on.
More strangers in white file in and hold me down.
I think they're going to take me away,
Or **** me with their daggers.
After what feels like forever, it stops.
They let me go,
And I exchange my screams for tears.
We leave the room.
I stagger out, exhausted.
Back at the fish house,
A stranger gives me a lollipop.
I throw it on the ground.
I do not trust strangers.
Not at all,
Not anymore.
Mommy picks it up and tries to hand it to me.
I won't take it.
I turn to leave and she catches up to me.
She hands me another lollipop.
I hesitate, but take it.
I do love sweets.
What kid doesn't?
I get back in the car,
******* on my sucker,
And fall asleep in my special seat.
The transformer stops, at some point.
Mommy brings me inside and tucks me in,
And I lose consciousness completely.
After a day like today,
I guess naps aren't so bad after all.
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Ann Beaver
I lost another bet
Met halfway through
A new razor blade song
Long to feel skin
Sin is the only thing I'm good at
Sat down and gave in
Pin *****
Pat down
to find your bullet
Still lodged in my spine
Line after line I articulate
Particulate matter matters a lot
Sought to numb the world
Curled hair around my finger
Linger longer
Stronger and stinging salt water in my eyes.
 Oct 2013 Sinai
laura
When he finally asks what’s wrong, tell him that he’s really just too good for you and you're afraid that one day he’ll wake up and realize that he could sleep with so many better women.
When he leaves the apartment and gets in the back of a taxi cab at two in the morning, don't follow him.
Maybe even though you saw him with another woman, laughing and joking in a smoky bar with their heads held close together, you still think you have a shot with him.
You don’t.

Dress yourself up if for no other reason than making yourself feel good. Put on your tightest, tiniest little black dress and some high heels and have a dance party in your own room with the stereo blasting.
Throw away his photos. Delete his texts, crumple up his notes and slot them into the paper shredder like old credit cards.
Thinking about him is dangerous; do not lie in bed in a quivering heap for days at a time. Do not mope or hit the snooze button simply so you can drift off to sleep and dream about him.
Jump in the shower and wash him out of your hair. Scrub your skin raw until you cannot smell him anymore. Wash your sheets. As you take them out of the dryer, practice saying your first and last name with adding his on.

Wreck your journal. This is the required “fresh start” your best friend told you about on New Years. She is tough and practical. Consider being more like her. Decide against it because having an affair with your husbands best friend is not practical.
Let your thoughts flow into questions that you pose to the world. Tell yourself that this is not an unfortunate habit.
Remind yourself that today in the modern world, if you’re single, that doesn't mean you’re missing “your other half.”  There isn't someone else out there running around with two arms and two legs and one head who used to be attached to one side of your body and will eventually find you again, on the street or in a deli or even at an indie rock concert in the back row; there’s just you. An imperfectly perfect human being who likes coffee or maybe hates it and has said awful, regrettable things to somebody else and is still trying to figure out how this whole life thing works.

When you are on the couch of your living room, do not reach out to squeeze the faces in the smoke you blow; do not think of his face. Reach out and draw the lines in your mothers face. She would have wanted you to.
Might edit this!
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Arantxa
obsession
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Arantxa
I light up a cigarette
and put it between my
red painted lips.
Feel you pounding
between my hips.
I try, but fail to fight
this feeling of lust.
You said girls
like me should come
in a better state.
I guess you're
right, but  ***
is my passion, and
I smile-
your final breath is now
my possession.
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Arantxa
love
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Arantxa
In a night so black
as ash, fingers of white marble climb
up in circles
along the edge of the bed.
The legs do not only carry body,
but also silver sparks of light where
hands are touching skin
and where the dark is enjoined to a second place.
Life will find new forms here -
Castings pain, sorrow. But also a joy
- molded in the color of copper -
is slowly getting contour.
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Nadrah
Let Go
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Nadrah
Unchain me please
as I've never been this baffled
by the fact that these
3 simple words
could turn my life into
a living wreck.

Promises were made
Hearts were crossed
Pinky promises, we once did
but none of them lasted
as time traveled faster
than it seemed to be

Memories took hold of me
The way you handled me with care
The way you touched me gently
The way you held me like
a delicate little bird.

You never complained when
I cried over the simplest of things
and yet you held me tightly
and said "it'll all be okay"

What changed us?
Distance mocked us harder
Time envied us
and so
we went our separate ways.
Never to be seen again
Never to be heard again
Vanished as light went away
When darkness arises
Kootsoo
17/10/13
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Nadrah
My dearest,
Not even the strongest angel
could promise you
such hardest things.

I can't promise you
I would not cry
I can't promise you
I would stay strong
till the end
because
even the strongest brick
falls back as dusts
like the sand on your feet.

We've both been bad
We've both made mistakes;
mistakes that sometimes
we couldn't take back.

Though you know
the seemingly loud thunders
could break my walls
and trigger my little box
of fear,
You've been there for me
holding me tight
and told me to stay strong.

"because I love you"
I never seem
to remember the words
that come after.
but
it is never your fault.
*It never was
and it will never be
 Oct 2013 Sinai
Alex McDaniel
You stare through her broken window, with peaceful, pondering eyes.
You realize the window is not the only broken thing, in the distance, you hear a lonely lover's cry.  You move a little closer to see where her shadowy figure lies. In one hand you see smoke, as a pair of lips go in for a ****, in the other an empty bottle. The devil has no doubt played a malevolent joke. You want to yell out "No!" as she goes to cut her wrist, but your voice is over powered by a strong, thundering hissssss. From there it gets a little crazy as you stumble and tumble, things start to get hazy. Next thing you know, you wake up in bed, "where did the girl go? It feels like I've hit my head." But as you get up and look into the mirror your face turns white, filled with fear. As you look at your red wrists and the broken bottle on the ground, you find the girl you stared at through the window, is staring right back at you now.
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