I'm cautious to a fault
I've never stared down
The barrel of a gun
I've never held
A blade to my wrists
But I've thought about it.

I was never a girl of extremes
I've never drunk
Poison until I passed out
I've never let my lips
Inhale ash
But I contemplated it.

I was never careless
After a few painful infatuations
And unrequited feelings
I fell in love
And this time, he loves me too
But somehow my heart is still fractured.

I cannot help but wonder
How someone so sensible
So careful
Can still be so messed up
When they have done nothing but
Tread without fault.

The thoughts and feelings
That I do my best to ignore
Stifle me, suffocate me
Even overwhelm me, sometimes
I'm cautious to a fault
And it terrifies me.

.                                                                                                 .
                       Depression is strangling me
                          loneliness is killing me
                   The further i get the more i regret
                      And fear there is no way back
                     When there is no one to talk to
                                Nowhere to go
                      No one to love i feel so alone
                 Im so tired in body head and heart
                      No one to share myself with
                       Even when I'm with others
                             I feel so far away
                       We could be hand in hand
                And i fear i would still be galaxies away
                         No direction nor volition
                           Even though I'm alive
                              I feel dead inside

Like a light house I will guide you
Help you choose the paths to take

Like a teacher I will tutor you
In the decisions that you make

Like a rock I will be steady
To build a foundation that will last

Like a friend I will care for you
From the haunting of your past

Like a preach I will comfort you
When life's sorrow Knocks your door

Like a lover I will mourn you
When our friendship is no more