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silvervi Sep 2024
She's deeply disappointed and angry as it seems
She lives in a land of broken hearts and shattered dreams
Unfortunate for me to be her mirror
I wish it was something that helped her see clearer

How hurt and abandoned one person must feel
Nobody to love her and help her to heal
She doesn't see nor her sorrow nor grief
The manipulation is her only relief

I don't want to pity her but
Want to feel compassion
I must admit for me
It's challenging as well
I try to be as present as I can

I'm paying my respects to all these survivors
I have struggles explaining how draining it feels
I feel worry, sadness and anger for
This land of broken hearts and shattered dreams.
I have visited my home country in Central Asia last year and experienced one particular family's life where I stayed overnight before going to see my own relatives. This family, quite wealthy for this country, had an absolutely disfunctional atmosphere at home. In the poem I am referring to the woman, who is the mother of the family and basically the boss. I could see through the fassade, she was unhappy, fearful, drinking a lot and manipulating the whole family. She felt triggered by me and was very impolite (to say the least) and jealous even though she agreed to having me as a guest at first. I tried to look beyond her anger and I saw a broken heart and a totally confused person.
silvervi Sep 2024
I stay here with myself.
Affirmation to not dissociate in an attempt of avoiding difficult feelings and sensations in my body. To keep staying connected with myself.
silvervi Sep 2024
Drastically decided to make getting up at 7 am my new routine.
Self-compassion made me agree on giving myself 7 days to reach this.
Self-compassion also stopped me from planning any further agreements so that I can focus on only one for now.
This feels not overwhelming for a change.
This feels like I am giving myself the time I deserve.
Thank you, self-compassion!
This is from today. A glimpse into how I combine self-compassion with goals.
We'll see if it works out. :)
silvervi Sep 2024
Unterwegs seh ich
bekümmerte Gesichter
Viele schon älter,
Gekleidet schlichter.

Wartend auf den nächsten Bus,
Augen verdrehen wegen Verdruss.
Graue Stadt, grau *******der Nebel
Alles umhüllt, vom Nieseln umspült.

Allein unter vielen, die Wärme vermisst,
In Kälte gehüllt.
In meiner grauen Stadt letzten Dezember 2023.
silvervi Sep 2024
Even if it won't help anybody but me
It has to be worth it anyway.
Writing down how I feel within me,
How my mind is leading me astray.

I once thought that I found the way
That I knew where I'm going and why.
I thought, I understand and can say
What is wrong and what is right.

Turns out I again was wrong
Things are different, more complex.
After all I feel broken, alone,
And it has become hard to relax.

I am wondering when it is time
For myself to just fall and let go,
To be able to let my thoughts be
And to breath, deeply breath, on my own.

Instead I am feeling estranged
From this world and my thoughts
Alienated.
I am trying to grasp what it means
And I don't understand,
Feeling frustrated.

This is where this poem leads us
Needless to say into the unknown
And repeatedly one may have asked,
Is there really nowhere she can go?
Writing for relief and self-understanding in difficult times, back in 11/2023.
silvervi Sep 2024
T-rust lost.
I-ronically hopeful.
R-espectfully alone.
E-ndlessly worried.
D-irty promises.
10/2023
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