I’m sitting staring at faces so unfamiliar they don’t know me,

no stares no afflictions or brief awkwardness I am alone,

surrounded by souls that don’t know I exist,

please someone say hello,

someone needs to read my palms and tell me my lifeline in so that I know I’m needed,

I know what my worth could be but I need purpose to believe in because I’m struggling inside,

I feel like crying constantly in corners facing away from a society of glances from strangers,

I walk in circles and circles and circles trying to find direction for my future,

I’m being mislead by life’s curriculum and I feel like I’m above average in general miseducation,

I’m screaming silently help me!

I don’t want to deal anymore but I want to hold on if not for my sake then for those that need me more because I have to believe that in order to be,

How could you all not notice me, I’m yelling internally, I’m jumping and prancing in the bathroom away from everything not even staring me in the mirror,

I’m closing the doors before I open them so that I can never hurt again,

I’m avoiding chances and taking backward leaps to make sure that I can’t be touched, burned, or disturbed,

I’m going to find me first because I don’t know who the **** I am anymore,

I’m not even sure I ever knew which makes this challenge even harder,

I don’t even see it as a challenge because if I did the semantics would take over me,

I equate struggle and failure with success and greatness because I fail at all,

I’m reading my mind closer than ever before making sure I spell out my intentions to myself before I take one step out the door,

I feel as if I have OCD making sure that everything feels 100% right and if it isn’t I will not move,

I will not progress and maybe even digress to fix my missteps from prior years,

I don’t know where to go from here,

but I guess I’ll start with whistling and whispering in someone’s ear.

Fixating on the emotions you provided
But only for a second in time

Before you had me falling between the cracks
With a touch of your hand

Moments pass at accelerated speeds
My heart flutters.

Vibrations rush through my perplexed mentality
A loss of affection transpires

Beneath this dark facade suppressing my energy
A troglodytic character exposed

The inception of just another fantasy you implemented
Like any other dream I envisioned

A borderline ecstasy of pleasure.

a year ago
you told me
that i am
filled with
lightning

(i
finally
believe
you)

There's so much to gain through pain
The struggles bring about an irrevocable strength
Although at times we lose our fight
Each dawn beckons begging us to rise
Courage is the ability to see that so much more could be
Regardless of the troubles that elude you to believe in impossibilities
Before you start cursing your cares away
Remember to look ahead to see what is truly at stake
Tomorrow is a new day