I wonder where
Have my words gone

Falling short of thoughts
Struggling to find something to say
I achingly try to articulate
Stopping mid sentence--

I miss the poems
The ballads, the prose
The words that flew
From pain, from joy
To sorrowful dark and light jest

I fear I will lose myself
Soon enough...

Will you still speak to me--
Will anyone still speak of me--
When I have nothing to say?
When I have nothing to give?

I can't think
Can't catch a wink
I can't write
My mind's not right

But the ink won't let me sleep
The voices pull me deep
I hear the words in a dull hum
Like whispers making me numb

There's a place deep inside
Where my monsters reside
I feel a deep sense of dread
All I see is red

All green is gold
All gold is dead
All good is dead

It hasn't been the same...

The nights are darker
Stained with nightmares
My days blur together
In motionless decay

The day has dawned
My light has blown out
Everything good is gone
All green was gold, now black

All my joy is with you
It truly hasn't been the same anymore...

I don't know why I don't write anymore
Typing these words out is now suffocating
Like I'm not living them anymore
They're a shadow of my feelings
That are expansive and depthless

I don't know why I can't write anymore
The words escape and falter
In scatter plots across my tired mind
My soul aches to bleed, battered by blind numbness
But the bandages I have put on it are so tight

I see why I can't write anymore
I can't let them open my bandages
I don't want my wounds to tear open again
I am terrified of what I will feel
Of all that I will feel
The expansive and depthless abyss
Of sadness I am keeping at bay

Nothing has been the same since I lost her

But how long will this unfeelingness last?

Will I survive feeling whole again?

When a tweet, no longer comes from a bird.
A message, no longer written in words.
A picture, determines your current worth.
A swipe, is not for payments against earns.

Your world, no longer restricted to earth.
Your voice, can control your universe.
Games, without company, a box.
Books, used to be written, forgot.

Love was in letters, not characters.
Eyes looked straight, not down.
Communication, in touch were sound.
Reactions, were not button frowns.

Food shared, not delivered.
Noise surrounded, not muted.
Hands shaken, not email awaken.
The world was claimed, but not hidden.

An automated world,
not an automated me.

Can you remember who you were?
Before?
Who you could have been now?
Can you imagine the voices,
The ones in your head,
Going away?

Do you wish the colors dimmed
And faded out like the miserable happiness,
Bleached out of your yesterdays?

Do you cry and mourn
In bursts of silence,
When the voices are back?

I know they change you,
They capture your mind
And throw havoc everywhere!
Driving you through stars
While darkening your sight.

The days can't be closer apart,
Nights can't be brighter.
People can't leave faster,
Cz you're only waiting
To drive them away.

They're only waiting
To drive them away.

**Yes, they're the same voices
In my head too...

I saw the clouds
In the moonlit night,
Dark and flimsy
Moonlight shining through.

They looked so sad,
Engulfed in the dark sky.
Taking form
Of the whispering monsters:
My slumbering nightmares,
Quitely growling in my mind.

They were mourning
The death of daylight,
As the moon roared bright;
Soaring through the sky
To meet my eyes.

My vision raged through the sky,
All the way home, seeking rest;
Yet the clouds, forgotten,
Stayed unmoving
Still, high up in the sky;
Like their dead kin
In hushed smoking rooms,
Stuck and stranded;
Held prisoner
To the silent endless black.
In sad, starving human minds...