you came to me as a friend of a friend
but by evening we we driving 140
through a glass of honey whiskey
sharing stories
of gardens, memory
family ties and beehives

you kept
me golden and flowing
towards you
to the sea we could not see
but heard breathing

until 4am
when the moonlight broke through
the Tudor windows
the tree's shadow etched against
your skin

and then we waited
until we met again
by Harlau lake
with honey on your lips

you made empenadas
and we played a game of cards
where you learnt past tense
and I learnt more of you

we drove out of town
made out in my car
watching headlights pass by
lighting up your eyes

it was only the present
we needed then

Shimmer tucked behind a yearning—
faces of strangers on familiar footpaths,
benches.

Some frown, burrow into pockets,
handbags, buses, and
age concern, kids kicking the tills.
A hand in lost goods, a river crossing,
a bike in the stones.

They take and they take and they take and they take—
they take.

Till death on the stairwell of a house party.

So ka whawhai tonu mātou—
ake, ake, ake...
ake, ake, ake.

Go as far as you can drive on a tank of gas,
taking the gravel road so it kicks up and spits
in the sideways rain, the everywhere rain, the anywhere sky.
Close your eyes at the brink of eclipse.

To see a red jaguar in a garage,
doors barricaded,
a note that says:

"I have no intention whatsoever
to harm myself."

Yet the crunch of autumn begins again,
and oh—
the joy of finding white rose petals
at the bus stop.

it's here again
the thick ache of winter
weight of remembering

a hibernating panic
cracked hull of the seed
the Fourth season

a strange winter in the desert
hearts painted in rose madder dye
your laughter clinging like
roots of the Ghaf tree

water, water below
waste not what can grow

sand sweeping across the sand
sand sweeping across the sand

Seasons of idolism, eyes down
Tidal motion of extinctions
In and out, in and out,
Faster, faster

Borne from asymmetry
The present moves
Now towards the median
Aggregation of experience

When can I grow into
The shell of what was

Collecting rain drops
In a glass outside my window

Lived this life too many times
Seen it all, cascading minds

You don't see what I see,
You don't see what I see

Have I given it all away?
Have I given it all?

Another fall, another time
Another fall, another time

Archeangel, cindering pheonix
impartial to idols, diguises
want burning want

point at difference,
crisis proxy
of accumulation

swim out to sea,
swim out to sea

fractured, vacant
shooting ghosts in the dark