I had to look up
the word
'dating'
on Urban Dictionary
because I didn't know
what we were,
what we are.

And it said things like
'a socially acceptable
form of prostitution' and
'feelings of
puppy love that usually
dissolve
in a few weeks'.

But this is
not
puppy love.
This is not going to
dissolve or
fizzle out or
whatever,
you're not a
fizzle
you're a *******
fireworks display.

And you turn
everything in my head
into this
multi-coloured
turbulence and
I can't keep up with
how much I
adore you.

But the thing is
I don't know
if your view
is as good as mine.
What if you're
looking at something
a little less
beautiful.

What if I'm your
fizzle.

What if I'm as
temporary
as the flame you use
to light the
cigarettes
you find more
addictive
than my touch.

If that's the case
I'd rather
I left you
craving.

Because
if I'm your flame
you're my
forest fire
and you're burning
it all down until
the only thing left
standing is
you.

And I'll walk for
miles across this
carpet of ashes
just to feel the
softness of your skin
against mine.

And I'll cough
and I'll splutter
on toxic smoke
but you'll just
breathe it in because
you never realised anything
was even
lost.

You don't see me
crawl
you just know that
I'm here,
I'm here
I made it
I'm yours
I'll always be yours
because there's
nothing else
left.

And maybe
I can be
content with that
if only
you will see
that
you could burn down
everything
and I still
wouldn't put you
out.

All my dreams
Are black and white
Colorless meaning
While I'm dreaming
Featureless faces
Claw at my flesh
A man?
A woman?
This dream is a mess
All I see
Are Cold black eyes
Frostbite burns
Between my thighs
Lost in darkness
another nightmare
I look for a savior
But you're not there
No knight in shining armor
To whisk me away
No tattooed prince
To save the day
Just me
Alone
In a twisted state
Fetal position
The shape I take
You'd think I'd know better
At this point in life
My dreams
by no means
resemble real life
Metaphors always
scramble my brain
I try to decode
Just to stay sane
Awake from my slumber
And all I can think…

Why can't I dream
In tangerine?

Weeks of silence
(my ears they bled)
Resurrected today
(back from the dead)

Inhaling each and every verse
Possessed by some enchanted curse
He draws, and lures, and pulls me in
I'm absolutely lost in him
The way his words they capture me
Lace through limbs
Enrapture me
Bleeding out his polished prose
For whom he writes, I'll never know
He speaks of shadows and black silhouettes
My bleeding heart is not dead yet
I close my eyes and grind my hips
His words they drip down off my lips
Cascading to my blushing *******
I pull them close and there they rest
Embracing every syllable
Tormented that I let him go
At least today he shared with me
A little piece of him to see

I never got the chance to say
Before I burned a bridge that day
Thank you for that seed you grew
And all the love for me you drew

Pain doesn't have one meaning,
It has many synonyms
And each one of them different from the other.

Pain is love
We hurt people when we fall for them,
We give them the pain which makes them tough,
We give them the pain,
So they talk rough
And I've given this pain to someone.

Pain is regret
We hurt someone badly
But then we hurt ourselves more
Then they don't think of us and, sadly,
Our thoughts become sore.

Pain is faking happiness
We get hurt when we laugh
Without a reason with our smiles spread on our faces,
Like we are really happy
But when we pretend,
It hurts more than anything
And I've felt this pain.

Pain is watching yourself to be ignored
By the ones you've hurt
You want to tell them you're sorry
But they don't listen and make you more hurt
Burying you beneath the ground they were buried by you.

Pain is watching yourself cry
You look into the mirror,
You look into your mind
You wipe away your tears,
But the pain is still inside

Pain is thinking about death
You feel like your life is worth ending
Because watching yourself cry,
Is something you can't bear
But you don't want to hurt yourself
*So you just stare.

"Pain turns hope into scars that burn"* ~~ *Rose


Painfully aware
Of things I see
And I do not dare
Touch what I believe
One single caress
And hope diminishes
What you're left with
Is empty promises
And unfulfilled wishes
The remnants of faith
Are simply ugly markings
Left upon your body
Causing a fire of darkness
And smoke rising
Made of sadness
That disappears
Into the atmosphere
Until you're left with...





Absolutely nothing

This sleepy town is wide awake now that you’re gone.
The blur of strangers and the haze of sunsets are constant.
There are no dreamy midnight strolls.
The silence is fleeting.
I hear everything, but the sound of my own pulse.
There are no restful hearts and restless hands.
I cannot stop time anymore.
I cannot dream here again.