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Skin as white as unblemished snow
Lips as red as fresh blood
Hair as black as the darkest night sky
She’s the fairest of them all

Her smiles light up the world
Her voice soothes their souls
Her stares warm their hearts
They call her beautiful
Too often, as if it’s her name

And then he came
A sheep with magnificent wool
As beautiful as her

He claimed her as his own
Putting a crown on her head
Placing her on a golden throne

He made her smile brighter
Her voice softer
Her stare fixed on him

But it was never enough

Suddenly
His touch burned and cut through her flesh
Forming scars unseen by the naked eye

His kiss became a seal of her hellish fate

His hug became a cage
Trapping her
Suffocating her

His “I love you” became an insincere apology

Blood dripped on her head
From the crown of thorns
Her body, unmoving
Strapped on her throne

With her eyes wide open
She saw his big eyes
And sharp teeth
The beautiful sheep she fell in love
Was a rabid wolf
Dressed in wool
I'm just tired. Of everything.

Lay your head on my shoulder and rest

Kind and tender offer, truly touches my heart, but my head is too heavy a burden for me to rest on anyone.

I will take that burden as I hold my own. If I were Atlas the Titan holding the sky above I would still take that weight

You are beautiful.
Please don't stop being beautiful, love.
I no longer have a sky,
But you make me want to rebuild mine.
If only a piece.
You are a star,
Shining at night.
You are a lamp,
Shedding some light.
You are a hope,
Making me want to fight.
Want to fight.
But to weak to stand.

I will be your shoulder to cry on
I will be your arm to lean on
I will hold your hand when things get rough
I will light the way in your darkest times
I will be here to the end


I just want to cry but the tears won't come.

Why cry darling? You have no reason to shed tears

I'm so broken, ***, I'm two shards away from gone.

I can be the glue that holds you together. < holds you close > I will be here

Glue always seems to wash away with me
< curls into a ball >

Then I'm industrial welding. I'll be here for as long as you need and longer

Darling... you are a lovely piece of humanity, never lose that about you.

*Please just hang on [my real name]. I couldn't bear losing you.
Losing you hurts like hell, love. </3
What if I still need you? What then?
- - -
Some exchanges from earlier November, when I was "unwell."
I wanted to **** myself, and when I felt like no one else was, Andy was there to give me reason not to.
The BOLD words are Andy's, because everything he said is boldly imprinted into my heart.
- - -
~ 1 A.M. (EST) 12/30/2014 was the last I ever got to hear from him.
I want to remember that.
- - -
I often find myself reading in the space between words,
the infinite gaps between these sentences.
Each void telling a story of its own, a story that only I will ever read.

I often find myself dreaming in the space between sleep,
the dull hallucination of reality that is always present.
Each reverie conjuring a new life for me to explore, a life that only I will ever live.

I often find myself drowning in the space between my breaths,
the constant gasping for air to keep me lucid. Each intake fueling my ideas,
ideas that only I will ever know.

I often find myself existing in the space between my own birth and death,
this everlasting consciousness. Each moment encompassing me with sensations,
emotions that my mind forges in the explosions of each synapse that only I will ever feel.

I often find myself constructing theories in the space between laws,
the accumulation of emotions and thoughts I have experienced.
Each observation unique from the last,
perceptions only I will ever have insight too.

I now find myself reading in the space between these words,
dreaming in the space between my sleepless nights,
drowning in the space between my continuous breaths,
constantly alive in the space between my own birth and death,
constructing new theories between these laws.

I now find myself alive in the space between nothing and infinity,
this myriad of moments that congregate at this point in space that is me.
Each day eternal inside of this person,
the person that only I will ever be.
You're not the one
I'm sorry to say
You've been there
You love me
But it's not the same

You're not the one
He's out there
Somewhere waiting for me
Just to find him
That's the problem

You're not the one
I want you to be
But I can't make the impossible
A reality
So is life

You're not the one
I'm sorry darling
I love you
Hold me close
While you still can

You're not the one
But we can pretend
Just for a little while
I'll give myself to you
I know you'll take me

Even though you're not the one
I've let the winds comfort me
I've let myself be swept away
When the stars hid behind clouds hued grey
I've sat and waited for silver linings and new day.
But now I can't keep the winds on a leash
Forgive me, for what I might end up saying, please?
Because I've kept the band of silence wrapped around my mouth for long,
And tonight I don't have it in me to be strong.

I remember the times I use to play, with toys coloured in hues of yellow and grey
When my mother tucked me into dreams with a sweet lullaby
When the wounds I got healed up in time
When I didn't get lost because I had a hand in mine.
When the only monsters I was scared of were under my bed
I've grown up, but they still scare me; they are now in my head.

There are people smiling with eyes freezing cold
There are ones that call "Angel", and push me into the storm.
There is a society that always wants to judge
Compares, constricts and locks me in a room of their
hollow morals gathering dust.
There is a love that doesn't make sense
Wasn't it supposed to make you whole? Why do I feel,
all pieces and ripped soul?
The fairy tales lied, there was no 'happily ever after', after the end.

You say, I'm not good enough,
How do I tell you that I already know?
What is pretty about a face stained with teardrops shed
in the dark of night alone?
How do I tell you about my broken smile?
My eyes that shine, not with my happiness but of those
in my life.
How do I tell you about how I've loved and lost?
That I still dream about the dead hand I never got to
touch.
Do you know that abandoned ruins and thunderstorms
resemble me the most?
Because under the masks I wear, there are wars I fought
How do I tell you I feel lonely?
Because they all claim they're different, but the ones that differ, are left alone.
How do I tell you you're my only friend?
Because everyone I love leaves me in the end.
How do I tell you what you already know, aren't you my reflection in the mirror on the wall?
Sometimes, you are the best ( and the only friend ) you have.
I wrote this way back. More as a rant. More as an escape for leashed emotions. I'm not sure how it has turned out to be. It looks a mess to me, but hope y'all like it.
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